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  1. #21
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    Aren't women different? I thought women are more sensitive to people staying in touch on a routine basis; making traditional events like scrapbooking parties; remembering special occasions; bonding through being vulnerable and sharing their feelings; crying together and maximizing their feelings; the unspoken 'knowing' the right thing to say or do at that right times to be supportive (aka, empathy).

    Do men want that too??
    LOL is this sarcastic runoff from that masculine/feminine thread?
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  2. #22
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Where are you meeting these women and what kind of friends are you looking for? I meet women at my gym but it's not like we have anything in common other than we are paying to sweat at the same place. We're often very different ages and also lifestyles. The women you meet might not be trying to be friends because they sense you are different and you aren't making any overtures of friendship towards them. So they will remain acquaintances or strangers. Perhaps you should think about what kind of women you want to be friends with and what kind of friendships you want first and then find those women.

    BTW I had a totally joke answer involving "I slick on my favorite pomade, hike up my pants, and stride up to the nearest hot chicks and go 'Helllllloooooo ladies! '" But then I realized you wanted a serious answer. :P
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  3. #23
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    @OP I feel ya. I'm the same. I actually grew up with two big brothers, so men just feel..I dunno, comfortable to me. Women otoh always seem to be wanting to stab you in the back, or at least that was my experience growing up. Now that I've grown up, that experience has been somewhat altered by the great female colleagues I've had and such but..somehow that social proper distance remains. I have female friends, they're all married to my male friends and I get along with them well, but whenever we do a ladies night vs the guys doing their 'sausage fest' it seems to be that somehow ours has more drama and noise in planning and sensitivities being a problem and god knows what. I almost wish I could just go hang out with the guys and well..chill already. Be one of the guys. I was quite the tomboy (believe it or not) back in the day and I miss that sometimes.

    I also like that men have each others backs. It doesn't get said, but it's just the way it is. Any conflict gets mostly hashed out instantly and in a rather direct manner. And then they go back to chlling. With women it's often this long ass drama of who did what to who and who's gossiping behind who's back before it blows up from all the tension and drama a month later. As such, I just inherently trust men more. Or rather..I guess I have more experience knowing which guys I can trust and which I can't. Which makes me feel safe. Which is what I need for what I call real friendship.

    Ironically, I found that long term exposure to the same women somehow works. At some point they bond with you and come to you to talk to you about things they need to tell *someone*. And while I wouldn't pick them myself to actually be vulnerable with, it somehow evens the scales and makes them more likely to respect my vulnerability should I wish to show it, I've found. I dunno if that's coz they genuinly care or coz well..if they don't listen to me, I'll stop doing the same for them?

    Maybe it's just me. I dunno what female friendship feels like really. I've been betrayed too many times in my past by women who I thought I was close to, that it all feels fake to me anyways.
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  4. #24
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    pretend you're an ESFJ 2w3. gossip, nag, worry and compulsively clean things
    Heeey! I take offense to that!

    You're talking about ESFJ 2w1s.

  5. #25
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    Aren't women different? I thought women are more sensitive to people staying in touch on a routine basis; making traditional events like scrapbooking parties; remembering special occasions; bonding through being vulnerable and sharing their feelings; crying together and maximizing their feelings; the unspoken 'knowing' the right thing to say or do at that right times to be supportive (aka, empathy).

    Do men want that too??
    Well, they might want to gut deer for their scrapbooks rather than using nostalgic photographs of the kids, but....

    I have the opposite problem. I deal just fine with women (and usually get so accepted into the group that I find myself immersed in drama I didn't want to be in the middle of, lol), but I feel distant from men. I like men but don't know how to talk to them or be interesting.

    I was kind of shocked last night when some guy on Rift I did an impromptu rift closure with started private-chatting me, and we talked for the next hour or two while doing other things separately in the game. He seemed interesting, so I kept talking to him. He kind of drove the conversation and I just kept asking him things based on what he would tell me and contribute some things myself, and it was just kind of ...effortless. I only mention it because typically I don't find it that easy to talk with men I don't know well. I also did get a sense he wouldn't have talked to me so long if I had been male, so there was definitely a male/female element to it.

    it just seems easier to talk to women. I guess in a conversation I'm always looking for strands of ideas to follow and I slip in general things with my responses that allow for people to pick up the topic. With women I do usually get more personal, whether it's talking more emotions or relationships as topical matters.
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  6. #26
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    Aren't women different? I thought women are more sensitive to people staying in touch on a routine basis; making traditional events like scrapbooking parties; remembering special occasions; bonding through being vulnerable and sharing their feelings; crying together and maximizing their feelings; the unspoken 'knowing' the right thing to say or do at that right times to be supportive (aka, empathy).

    Do men want that too??
    Lol. I'd question if women want that before moving on to the men.
    -end of thread-

  7. #27
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    What do you see as the roadblocks to when you are trying to initiate friendships with other women?

    I dunno - all my friends male/female are my friends bc they are smart, fun, interesting, or have common interests or hobbies, common values. I guess the male friends are slightly more into physically intense stuff like exercising and sports, so I tend to do that more with them, but other than that, pretty similar - hiking, cooking/eating, going out to eat or the movies, bike rides, random activities.

    Edit: confiding/vulnerability - I don't do it that much, but probably about equally with men and women. Tends to be something like "I am having a bad day" or "I'm super annoyed at my mom" or something. Then I appreciate listening and kind advice or perspective, and then maybe something fun...
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  8. #28
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Even when I was growing up, a lot of my friends were boys. I have always had at least one female best friend, and occasionally two, but the rest were all boys.

    Part of it is that I have absolutely no interest in scrapbooking, decorating or jewelry. When women start talking about the jewelry or new shoes they bought, all the other women start doing this "squealing" sort of thing that completely mystifies me. It seems very shallow, and I don't like pretending that I just "adore" someone's shoes when I think they are just fine but nothing worth having emotions over.

    I have tried to go to scrapbooking parties to try and fit in, but I just don't get spending $300 on one scrapbook and all that time, when I can just put our kids pictures in a photo album in 30 minutes and be done with it. But I don't really like football or hunting or specifically guy-like, either. I like talking about kids, so that is a female thing at least. I like talking about philosophy, religion, ideas, typology stuff. I also like being very direct, which seems to work better with guys.

  9. #29
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I usually develop friendships with women on a one-on-one basis. I don't do well in groups....that's when the shallow talk occurs, and honestly, I find men just as shallow in groups. Most of my female friends don't stick to conversation on shopping or scrap-booking () though.

    Complimenting clothes is often a conversation stater akin to comments on the weather; it's just a reason to start talking, because walking up to someone & asking them something personal or profound is considered weird. If you turn your nose down at this, it says "I'm not interested in talking to you further". If you play along at first, then it may open a door to better conversation. If it doesn't, then it's just an issue with that person, not all women.

    With my male friends, we tend to bond over shared interests. With female friends, though, it's emotional bonding. My friends tend to talk about their views on life, love, the world, happiness, etc. It's feeling talk, but not all about emotions or romantic relationships. In a way, I find these conversations more philosophical, more revealing of the inner person. Women are a lot more willing to be vulnerable with each other in that way, IMO. Because I am willing to listen without judgment, I form these kinds of friendships relatively easily (considering I don't make friends easily in general). This is why I do better one-on-one also. The larger the group, the more fluffy talk tends to become & then I don't know how to be.

    I would suggest an approach which allows you to talk one-on-one with other women. You have to be willing to be a little vulnerable & personal also.
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  10. #30
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    So as an INFJ female, any advice on how to make more women friends and fewer guy friends?
    Have you looked into very large mouse traps baited with this season's Louboutin? It's by no means an exact science, but you will get results.
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