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  1. #11
    A window to the soul
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    So as an INFJ female, any advice on how to make more women friends and fewer guy friends?
    If you want girlfriends, then be a friend. How to be a friend...

    • Make yourself vulnerable to some degree, which means be willing and able to both trust and be trustworthy. Most women expect trustworthiness in their girlfriends.
    • Be a listening ear.
    • Show appreciation in ways that say, "I value you."
    • Simple gestures or a gift when your friend is down.
    • Make the effort, make time to get together, plan ahead. I've learned that commitment and planning are important ingredients.
    • Respect your differences, be encouraging and supportive of each other and each other's friends.
    • Pay attention, knowing when your friends need help without them having to ask, and then step in when necessary to do what's needed. Sometimes a simple, "I'm thinking about you," is enough.


    Progress.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Work on your chit-chat skills.

  3. #13
    Senior Member ZPowers's Avatar
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    Well, this has always been pretty easy for me (or as easy as making male friends). I mean, if they are into at least some of the same stuff I am into. I'm not very into most traditionally masculine things, of course. I know next to nothing about sports, I enjoy action movies only if they have some level of intelligence or craft involved (Transformers strikes me as an embarrassing insult to men that exploits all the worst male cliches we should try to get away from in the exact same way I feel Twilight does for women), etc. I also don't know a ton about things generally seen as girly, the sort of thing a girl character in a poorly written sitcom's one interest might be: fashion or an dense knowledge of rom-coms or celebrity gossip.

    I almost never flirt with anyone, so generally when talking to girls it's just a conversation without an undercurrent of "I want to get in your pants" hidden just below the surface. The conversation is roughly identical to how I talk to a guy. If we wind up talking about a mutual interest: politics, philosophy, some aspect of pop culture we both enjoy, or maybe one we hate, maybe trends and ideas and why they exist today, then great. Maybe we get to be friends after we hang out a couple more times.

    As far as close friends I have/had, I'd say it's split pretty close between girls and guys. Probably a few more guys, but also probably a solid 30-40% of those guys have been gay.

    So, yeah. I guess I'd say my advice on that is to just stop thinking them as "friends or potential friends who are girls" and just "friends or potential friends" and talk to them and treat them as you would any guy you meet. If there's common ground, great. If not, you probably don't wanna be their friend regardless of gender.

    On the other hand, this attitude may contribute to the reason I am not very good at getting into romantic relationships with women.
    Does he want a pillow for his head?

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZPowers View Post
    So, yeah. I guess I'd say my advice on that is to just stop thinking them as "friends or potential friends who are girls" and just "friends or potential friends" and talk to them and treat them as you would any guy you meet. If there's common ground, great. If not, you probably don't wanna be their friend regardless of gender.
    Aren't women different? I thought women are more sensitive to people staying in touch on a routine basis; making traditional events like scrapbooking parties; remembering special occasions; bonding through being vulnerable and sharing their feelings; crying together and maximizing their feelings; the unspoken 'knowing' the right thing to say or do at that right times to be supportive (aka, empathy).

    Do men want that too??

  5. #15
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    Aren't women different? I thought women are more sensitive to people staying in touch on a routine basis; making traditional events like scrapbooking parties; remembering special occasions; bonding through being vulnerable and sharing their feelings; crying together and maximizing their feelings; the unspoken 'knowing' the right thing to say or do at that right times to be supportive (aka, empathy).

    Do men want that too??
    Bascially but with a lot little less of this and that you know fluffy words
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  6. #16
    Senior Member ZPowers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    Aren't women different? I thought women are more sensitive to people staying in touch on a routine basis; making traditional events like scrapbooking parties; remembering special occasions; bonding through being vulnerable and sharing their feelings; crying together and maximizing their feelings; the unspoken 'knowing' the right thing to say or do at that right times to be supportive (aka, empathy).

    Do men want that too??
    I guess it depends on the guy. I used to know a guy who called himself Joeldozer who spray-painted his pick up truck camouflage and wrote "Urban Assault" on the back. That guy could have a very different definition and basis of friendship from me. Most of those things seem like fairly normal friendship things. I will discuss problems and insecurities and ask for advice from any of my friends. If I haven't seen someone in a while I'll usually call them. I'm not very good at remembering birthdays (though Facebook can kinda help). Also, empathy is pretty common on account of us not being sociopaths (or, I hope none of my friends are sociopaths, and if they are they aren't bad actors).

    It also depends on the girl. I can say with confidence I have never been friends with a woman who has been to or likely would be interested in going to a scrapbooking party.

    There are certainly differences in tastes and preferences, but that's true for anyone. I have been the sole male present for a fair number of girls' (and/or gays') nights in my life, and as a result I have seen my fair share of Project Runway and a solid couple seasons of Sex in the City, and they were perfectly pleasant evenings. Maybe not what I'd watch if I were alone, but a chance to understand the appeal and and experience with friends something I'm not used to. But on the other hand, one of my straight male friends made me watch Transmorphers one time and that was just intolerable.
    Does he want a pillow for his head?

  7. #17
    Riva
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    @ the OP - Did you grow up with a lot of boys around you? (brothers?) This could not be related at all. Answering this wouldn't help you find answers to your (OP) question either. Sorry about that.

  8. #18
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    pretend you're an ESFJ 2w3. gossip, nag, worry and compulsively clean things
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  9. #19

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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    hey bro, how are your emotions today ?
    They're fine thank you. And yours?

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    Aren't women different? I thought women are more sensitive to people staying in touch on a routine basis; making traditional events like scrapbooking parties; remembering special occasions; bonding through being vulnerable and sharing their feelings; crying together and maximizing their feelings; the unspoken 'knowing' the right thing to say or do at that right times to be supportive (aka, empathy).

    Do men want that too??
    I've always had tons of awesome girl friends, and I don't do this stuff with any of them on a regular basis. Of course, I'm loyal to them and trustworthy and I'm there for them when they have a problem, etc., but I don't do the stereotypical Sex and the City friendship thing. If having friends who are women meant having scrapbook parties and crying together, I would have exactly zero female friends.

    My female friends and I tend to share a similar sensibility, a similar sense of humor, etc. We enjoy hanging out together, and we give off vibes of not being catty or jealous. That's one thing that makes me instantly wary of some women--some women give off an insecure vibe, as if you're competition just by being a woman. I avoid those women like they were dipped in anthrax.
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