User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 67

  1. #1
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,312

    Default Advice on being a good roommate

    I've had A LOT of bad experience with roommates. Admittedly, I have had some very immature and very crazy roommates, but at some point I have to take responsibility over the fact that I am the common denominator, and I'm probably hard to live with to some people.

    I think I would be a fantastic roommate. I hide in my room, I barely talk, I don't make much noise. I'm like a ghost. A ghost that CLEANS EVERYTHING. But I have come to the realization that if my roommate were as awkward and introverted as I am, they would love that.... But for an extrovert? That's hell. They're pretty much alone, and they can't even talk to the person they live with.

    My brother made the point, too, that since I always have people living with me who (clearly) don't have friends of their own to room with, they might be counting on me to have someone to know here. They probably don't know anyone and want friends.

    I've had situations where I lived with someone and we talked so little it was awkward to pass them in the kitchen. She couldn't even remember my name we talked so little, even though we lived together for 5+ months. We couldn't even communicate over basic things like what to set the thermostat at.

    So I have made a bit of a resolution to not be a creepy, weird roommate for once. I'm going to try not to hide in my room behind a computer screen, and actually socialize with her. I'm going to try not to be socially awkward.

    Do you guys have any recommendations on how to make this work? What kind of things do you like in a roommate?


    TL;DR: Give someone who is PAINFULLY introverted advice on how to be a good roommate to an extrovert. Or a good roommate in general.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  2. #2
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    8
    Posts
    13,877

    Default

    Presumably you know the common sense things: keeping your stuff in your sections of the house, not lingering your laundry in the washing bins, hygiene, etc. So I'll stick to some things that I've heard and noticed.

    If the girl is very extroverted, she may have this almost sitcom idea of a roommate--someone to actually talk to and interact with, share dinners together, hang out sometimes, etc. While I wouldn't mind the discription above at all--afterall, number one is paying rent and not being a bother to each other--it seems a bit disappointing to not interact with your own roommate. For me, part of the reason I'd rather have a roommate isn't the cheaper rent--although it's pretty high up there. I hate living alone. No sounds, no movement, no options.. I hate it. It makes me feel like I'm caged up. As a result, I end up introverting and doing bad things online (like shopping), or I'm NEVER in the house and end up an insomniac. @_@

    It doesn't have to be this obligation.. but being present, and just being OPEN is enough. Being inviting is enough for me.. Usually I won't take up the invite, but having the option just relaxes me.

    Some of us (aka me) never grow out of that stage in childhood where you spent days and weeks hanging out with the same friends over and over again.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  3. #3
    likes this gromit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    6,652

    Default

    I'm sure it depends a lot on the person.

    For me, I really appreciate when people say things like "how was your day?" and then listen, or remember things like a test, or a trip or a visit to help my mom with stuff or something and ask how it went... or just followup questions in general to show that you are interested in their well-being. Also I have found that if you ask good follow-up questions the other person talks a lot and you can just listen and enjoy what they are saying. Eat and cook together from time to time and maybe get a little drunk every once in awhile. I try to do or cook or make nice things for my roommates that I know they will like... hm I'm thinking what else... actually cooking and eating together is a really fun one. Nothing like a bottle of wine too, right?

    I know this is a lot to ask, but I like when people give me hugs, I've ended up in pretty huggy relationships with all of my roommates, male and female. But obviously I wouldn't expect that of people, it just happens.

    Also, I like doing this thing my friend calls "parallel play" where you and another person or other people are just doing your own thing, but in a shared space. Like surfing the internet, or reading, watching TV/cooking, whatnot. You don't really interact completely just be near each other. You can make an occasional comment or share a funny link or something, but no pressure.

    My new roommate goes in his room a lot and closes the door but he comes out and talks too, so I think it will be fine.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  4. #4
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,312

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    Presumably you know the common sense things: keeping your stuff in your sections of the house, not lingering your laundry in the washing bins, hygiene, etc. So I'll stick to some things that I've heard and noticed.
    Yeah, this isn't a problem at all for me.
    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    If the girl is very extroverted, she may have this almost sitcom idea of a roommate--someone to actually talk to and interact with, share dinners together, hang out sometimes, etc. While I wouldn't mind the discription above at all--afterall, number one is paying rent and not being a bother to each other--it seems a bit disappointing to not interact with your own roommate. For me, part of the reason I'd rather have a roommate isn't the cheaper rent--although it's pretty high up there. I hate living alone. No sounds, no movement, no options.. I hate it. It makes me feel like I'm caged up. As a result, I end up introverting and doing bad things online (like shopping), or I'm NEVER in the house and end up an insomniac. @_@

    It doesn't have to be this obligation.. but being present, and just being OPEN is enough. Being inviting is enough for me.. Usually I won't take up the invite, but having the option just relaxes me.
    This sounds like exactly what I'm looking for. How to appease someone who has that desire to laugh, hang out, cook meals together, etc. Do you have any examples of how to 'be inviting'?


    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    Some of us (aka me) never grow out of that stage in childhood where you spent days and weeks hanging out with the same friends over and over again.
    >_< I don't think I ever went through that phase.

    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    I'm sure it depends a lot on the person.

    For me, I really appreciate when people say things like "how was your day?" and then listen, or remember things like a test, or a trip or a visit to help my mom with stuff or something and ask how it went... or just followup questions in general to show that you are interested in their well-being. Also I have found that if you ask good follow-up questions the other person talks a lot and you can just listen and enjoy what they are saying. Eat and cook together from time to time and maybe get a little drunk every once in awhile. I try to do or cook or make nice things for my roommates that I know they will like... hm I'm thinking what else... actually cooking and eating together is a really fun one. Nothing like a bottle of wine too, right?
    This is very helpful. I don't think I have EVER cooked with a roommate. My roommates have always been very awkward about grocery bills to the point that I just said "Fuck it, Ill buy my own groceries, and I won't touch your shit."

    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    I know this is a lot to ask, but I like when people give me hugs, I've ended up in pretty huggy relationships with all of my roommates, male and female. But obviously I wouldn't expect that of people, it just happens.
    Haha, this is where I draw the line. No. :p

    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Also, I like doing this thing my friend calls "parallel play" where you and another person or other people are just doing your own thing, but in a shared space. Like surfing the internet, or reading, watching TV/cooking, whatnot. You don't really interact completely just be near each other. You can make an occasional comment or share a funny link or something, but no pressure.
    I was actually wondering about this. If I sit in the living room on my laptop instead of hiding back in my room on my PC. Do you think this would work? I was worried she might just feel awkward about me ALWAYS being on my computer. But this seemed like the best option for me. To spend a certain amount of time each day in the living room with my laptop, casually chatting while I play games or browse forums. You don't think this is weird at all and would further ostracize me at all? Because this is my best plan, heh.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  5. #5
    figsfiggyfigs
    Guest

    Default

    Inform your roommate about how you are around others, and what you think makes things easy, but let them know that you don't do it to shun them, it's just how you are, and it's your comfort zone; above all, inform them that you'll try not to make it seem uncomfortable.



    /possible bs.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    9,128

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    Do you guys have any recommendations on how to make this work?
    Friend each other on Facebook so you can talk about things in a comfortable way.

  7. #7
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,312

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    Friend each other on Facebook so you can talk about things in a comfortable way.
    Implying I have Facebook....
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  8. #8
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,489

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    I think I would be a fantastic roommate. I hide in my room, I barely talk, I don't make much noise. I'm like a ghost. A ghost that CLEANS EVERYTHING. But I have come to the realization that if my roommate were as awkward and introverted as I am, they would love that....
    That sounds perfect to me, especially since I too have:
    had A LOT of bad experience with roommates.
    I guess if you just make an effort to chitchat a bit when you see them, and go out together every once in a while? An extrovert probably has so many friends they won't care if you're not best friends anyway. I'd be more worried about how annoying their noise and constant visitors would be to you than the other way around.
    -end of thread-

  9. #9
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    9,128

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    Implying I have Facebook....
    I know you have, Patches Bear.

  10. #10
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,312

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    I know you have, Patches Bear.
    The fake one I made for TypoC doesn't count. If I'm not weird enough already, trying to friend her as an anthropomorphised panda named Patches Bear who claims to live at the San Diego Zoo is really going to creep her out.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

Similar Threads

  1. [MBTItm] Advice on not being a social idiot
    By Lily flower in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 09-01-2010, 12:06 AM
  2. [MBTItm] I need some advice on ENFPs/ENFJs/ESFPs/ESFJs
    By nanashi in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 07-31-2008, 01:58 AM
  3. [MBTItm] I need some advice on ESFPs/ESFJs/ENFPs/ENFJs
    By nanashi in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 07-25-2008, 02:47 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO