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  1. #41
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    Alright, my thoughts so far on the roommate:

    She seems very nice. She's quiet, she doesn't want to have parties. She's new to the area so I don't think she has many/any friends here, but I don't think she wants to bring them here anyway. However, she leaves almost every day for hours and I'm not sure where she goes. Which is weird to me, because she doesn't know anyone here. But I guess I can't knock it really. I haven't had an opportunity to spend much time in the living room watching tv/being on my laptop with her because she's not been around much. But I question whether routine will change when classes start back up.

    She's an undergrad. She was in the air force for a long time and she wants out now and to find a new career. There is a community college near here, so she's apparently going to the community college.


    My only two concerns:
    She might be too messy. I'm not happy with the length of time she leaves her dishes sitting out, or the fact that she left her garbage sitting in the living room. She basically pulled the garbage bag out of her bedroom, and set it by the living room door (presumably to haul it out to the dumpster) and then left it sit there for days. I feel like this is something I need to address at some point, but I'm going to give it some time to see what her habits are. She's still adjusting to a new place.

    Boyfriend:
    She has a long distance boyfriend in New Mexico (also air force) right now, but she says in 2-3 months he is moving here. She said some things that make me feel that she intends to have him over here... all. the. time. Maybe I'm just jumping the gun and being paranoid, because I had a roommate before where her boyfriend's presence was a problem. He was a permanent fixture in our place. And he was very rude to me. This is potentially something I will have to address in 2-3 months.


    Overall, I'm very pleased. I think this is a very good pairing, and I have lucked out.


    Does anyone have any recommendations about how to deal with messy roommates?
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  2. #42
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    Does anyone have any recommendations about how to deal with messy roommates?
    I am a messy roommate. VERY messy. I tend to leave clothes everywhere and have a high mess tolerance. Thankfully my housemate is like this as well, so we get along fine. My last two housemates were not and were quite anal.

    One approached things in totally the wrong way, by calling me at work and DEMANDING to know when i would do my dishes or when the bathroom would be cleaned. He worked from home and at the time i was working 3 jobs and going to uni, as such i was generally exhausted when i got home and took a little longer than usual on the cleaning. I did not appreciate this approach.

    The other one, in a friendly manner would just remind me to do things, it was essentially the same as the first guy, but because he approached in a friendly more just 'reminding' manner and timed it appropriately, i was inclined to say 'Shit! Sorry! I'll do that now!"

    He would also, once we were more familiar with eachother, do the 'come on! let's get the house clean!' thing and cheerfully ignore my groans, we'd put on music and then generally have drinks after as a reward type system. I work well when things that i find unpleasant are made fun.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  3. #43
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    Alright, my thoughts so far on the roommate:

    My only two concerns:
    She might be too messy. I'm not happy with the length of time she leaves her dishes sitting out, or the fact that she left her garbage sitting in the living room. She basically pulled the garbage bag out of her bedroom, and set it by the living room door (presumably to haul it out to the dumpster) and then left it sit there for days. I feel like this is something I need to address at some point, but I'm going to give it some time to see what her habits are. She's still adjusting to a new place.

    Boyfriend:
    She has a long distance boyfriend in New Mexico (also air force) right now, but she says in 2-3 months he is moving here. She said some things that make me feel that she intends to have him over here... all. the. time. Maybe I'm just jumping the gun and being paranoid, because I had a roommate before where her boyfriend's presence was a problem. He was a permanent fixture in our place. And he was very rude to me. This is potentially something I will have to address in 2-3 months.

    [...]

    Does anyone have any recommendations about how to deal with messy roommates?
    I think she's kinda showing you her habits already. Having lived with messy roommates before or been the messy roommate there are 2 ways to deal with this. 1) If she is clean in some ways and messy in others and it's compatible with your own habits, you can basically pick up her slack and let her pick up yours. THis rarely works out (for long) without a discussion though 2) have a meeting and set ground rules. Don't leave notes, just ask or mention when things haven't been taken cared of and say it in a casual but direct way. Never say "must" or give deadlines but just say "it's been there for 3 days and it's starting to smell, I really don't want to attract flies so it'd be great if you could get to it by tonight" etc.

    That leaves room for escalation.

    As for the boyfriend, you need to set the ground rules now. Establish that people can crash at the place no more than X times a week. And reference it directly. Just say that if an SO starts staying over regularly they need to contribute financially. And even be honest just say you don't want a defacto 3rd roommate.

    Having a house meeting at some point works wonders.

    If you see a potential issue you have to head it off before it happens, it never works out by itself. EVER.

    I love mentioning this because I actually do prefer living with others even though I've had some terrible - but I've had over 20 roommates. Some better than others. The issues that people fight over are always the same and the escalation is pretty predictable. Not bringing things up and letting tension or resentment build is the 1# reason for blow ups.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  4. #44
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    We did our nails together. I feel like a real girl. My fingernails are pink, and mah toenailses are purple.

    I asked her how her classes were going. Like a boss. I'm so good at this game. She's quite the little chatterbox, though. I didn't realize "How are your classes going?" could possibly have a 35 minute answer. But it did.

    I haven't brought up her dishes yet. She's definitely letting way too many stack up. This is where I falter. I don't want to make her dislike me or anything, but I also can't live with a sink full of dishes that don't get washed for days.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  5. #45
    ThatGirl
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    Empty the cuppboard to only one dish. That way she has to wash one every time she uses one.

  6. #46
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    Empty the cuppboard to only one dish. That way she has to wash one every time she uses one.
    Bahahaha. You're a genius.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  7. #47
    ThatGirl
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    Bahahaha. You're a genius.
    Actually that would be my mother.

  8. #48
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    You are a pro Patches.

    About the dishes. A couple things. Keep your tone very neutral/casual when you bring it up. Don't make it emotionally loaded, just describe what you want clearly, ask her if she thinks it's something she could do. Try to get a sense from her how she'd feel to be reminded of it if she forgets - sometimes/a lot of the time with messy people it's just not even on their radar. You just want to both get on the same page.

    Do the sandwich technique. Nice thing, constructive criticism conversation, nice thing.

    And like @CzeCze says, if it's bothering you now, it probably will not resolve itself on its own. Likely your frustration will only increase.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  9. #49
    Ginkgo
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    Place an auto-response recording in your room to answer various general questions when you have an extravert roommate.

  10. #50
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    Empty the cuppboard to only one dish. That way she has to wash one every time she uses one.
    For years I follow the rule to only use one set of tableware, cutlery, pots and so on. It works very well.

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