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  1. #21
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    That seems REALLY weird to me. Asking someone IRL to take an MBTI test? How does that go down?
    Well it might be weird, I've never tried it. But people (especially women) usually like personality type tests, and excuses to talk about themselves. Rather than make her take the test, you could ask her a few obvious questions and try to guess her type yourself, and read out a profile of that type to see if she relates. Then if she's interested enough you could show her where she can do it properly to see if you're right.

  2. #22
    The Eighth Colour Octarine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    That seems REALLY weird to me. Asking someone IRL to take an MBTI test? How does that go down?
    It could be part of the whole housemate agreement that any self respecting ISTJ would require their housemate to sign.

  3. #23
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    I've had A LOT of bad experience with roommates. Admittedly, I have had some very immature and very crazy roommates, but at some point I have to take responsibility over the fact that I am the common denominator, and I'm probably hard to live with to some people.

    I think I would be a fantastic roommate. I hide in my room, I barely talk, I don't make much noise. I'm like a ghost. A ghost that CLEANS EVERYTHING. But I have come to the realization that if my roommate were as awkward and introverted as I am, they would love that.... But for an extrovert? That's hell. They're pretty much alone, and they can't even talk to the person they live with.

    My brother made the point, too, that since I always have people living with me who (clearly) don't have friends of their own to room with, they might be counting on me to have someone to know here. They probably don't know anyone and want friends.

    I've had situations where I lived with someone and we talked so little it was awkward to pass them in the kitchen. She couldn't even remember my name we talked so little, even though we lived together for 5+ months. We couldn't even communicate over basic things like what to set the thermostat at.

    So I have made a bit of a resolution to not be a creepy, weird roommate for once. I'm going to try not to hide in my room behind a computer screen, and actually socialize with her. I'm going to try not to be socially awkward.

    Do you guys have any recommendations on how to make this work? What kind of things do you like in a roommate?


    TL;DR: Give someone who is PAINFULLY introverted advice on how to be a good roommate to an extrovert. Or a good roommate in general.
    I would love a quiet roommate. My roommate right now is moody. My rules are: keep the common areas clean, be civil and polite, don't talk to me when I look busy (but once in a while is fine)...and that's it. I don't like forming close attachments to my roommates because it makes things complicated. I prefer a neighbor-like relationship or a business relationship.

  4. #24
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    I would love a quiet roommate. My roommate right now is moody. My rules are: keep the common areas clean, be civil and polite, don't talk to me when I look busy (but once in a while is fine)...and that's it. I don't like forming close attachments to my roommates because it makes things complicated. I prefer a neighbor-like relationship or a business relationship.
    Isn't your roommate your brother?

    I understand about the 'not close relationships' though, I made the mistake of getting friendly with one roommate because he was the friend of a high school friend (BIG MISTAKE) and he ended up owing me over $1500 in back rent, etc. I moved into another house with 2 friends, another huge mistake because they are TERRIBLE roommates. Just TERRIBLE. One friend actually wanted me to measure the rooms by CUBIC feet and not include the sq feet that the door took up when it opened because she "couldn't use the space" when it came to parsing out room rent. Oh, but she decided what our 2nd roommates rent should be since she's "just a student" and it was okay if I paid more since I was making the most money at the time. It was a fucking circus. I am still friends with these people but the living situation was one of the zaniest if I've ever had. And another time everyone I lived with seemed to be chronically depressed so I was also friends with them, it just felt like living in a slightly dysfunctional, depressing relationship.

    Oh, and another time my friends were a couple and they pretty much took over the house and obviously felt like it was "their" place and we just lived there.

    Actually, I've really hated many of my roommate situations in spite of or partly because I was too close to my roommates - being friendly polite neighbors is AWESOME. I've had that before, it's great.

    If you want to be a good roommate, just do what you normally do. And tell your roommates when something bothers you. I'm sure you're already mindful of public space and shared chores.

    And hilarious? Despite all those ^^ stories that still to this day can peeve me, I prefer living with roommates. Like lots of them. I love group house situations. And with more people, it actually eases inherent roommate tension where it feels like it's just you and 1 or 2 other people competing with one another. Larger groups = less adveserial.

    So yeah, I've lived with people who I got really pissed off at for being FUCKING TERRIBLE ROOMMATES but I am still friends with. I guess I just compartmentalized those things in my head.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

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  5. #25
    Senior Member uncommonentity's Avatar
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    I don't think you should have to compromise the person you are to meet a roommates or extroverts selfish requirement for human attention. I'm assuming that you're a calm and polite human being with both kindness and consideration for other people so assuming you're not one to blast death metal and scream loudly as you masturbate to beastiality there really shouldn't be any adjustments you have to make unless you suffer from being socially awkward and lack the skills it'll take to resolve any domestic issues that may arise. I'm assuming it's your prioritiy to either study or fulfil an alternative goal in your life and you should focus on that rather than making someone else happy. I'd say if you feel it within you to make advances towards forming a more advanced form of friendship beyond mutual consideration and respect then just be yourself and show mild to moderate interest in your roommates character and display adequate empathy toward their existence. The beauty in keeping your distance however is it reduces the probability of them lashing out on you for not meeting their social or emotional needs. I'm sure you'd agree it's a much nicer idea to live with someone you barely know than someone who holds a grudge or hatred towards you. Yes, it's nice to be nice but the thing is that you are nice by default and shouldn't have to peacock to put a smile on a someone doubtful.
    Veni, Vidi, Cessi.

  6. #26
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    My advice is to room with several extroverts. Then they talk to/hang out with each other and hardly notice you.

  7. #27
    Senior Member shoshana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uncommonentity View Post
    I don't think you should have to compromise the person you are to meet a roommates or extroverts selfish requirement for human attention.
    and to bounce off of this idea, the only way that you could have genuine interactions with your potential roommate would be if you also have the same desire.

    despite how most people may seem -- it's quite easy for the other party to realize you are simply being polite and have no real desire to forge a relationship with him or her.

    i'm a university student. lived my freshman year in a dorm and in my second year i lived with 4 other girls who were all friends with eachother and i was the younger 5th roommate that signed onto fill the last space so they could sign onto a 1 year lease. since then i've lived with two friends of mine so i've seen both sides of the spectrum and have enjoyed both living in a house where i had no desire or need to socialize and in a home where we eat dinner together and go out together and such. both are moderately enjoyable and both situations have moments when it really sucks.

    maybe your next roommate will be worth getting to know. maybe not. but the only things that you will need to communicate with your roommate about are house needs (like whose turn it is to buy toilet paper and letting them know that you are using the shower so if they need to take a piss they should get it over with).

    haha. good luck :]

  8. #28
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uncommonentity View Post
    I don't think you should have to compromise the person you are to meet a roommates or extroverts selfish requirement for human attention. I'm assuming that you're a calm and polite human being with both kindness and consideration for other people so assuming you're not one to blast death metal and scream loudly as you masturbate to beastiality there really shouldn't be any adjustments you have to make unless you suffer from being socially awkward and lack the skills it'll take to resolve any domestic issues that may arise.
    I don't disagree, but this has been my approach with MANY past roommates, and with the exclusion of the one guy I roomed with, has not worked. Time and time again it goes well for the first few months, and then as soon as some sort of conflict arises... They are either unwilling to communicate or compromise with me if I try to talk to them. I think if I establish some sort of relationship with them, it will make them less resentful of me, and they'll be less likely to treat me like dirt. My only explanation for this is that because I haven't established any relationship with them, they just don't give a shit if I'm happy or not.

    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    My advice is to room with several extroverts. Then they talk to/hang out with each other and hardly notice you.
    Been there, done that. This just results in getting 'ganged up on'. Everything got blamed on me. The one roommate was very messy, and would leave dishes laying in the sink and stuff... And they would ALL THREE blame me for it and harass me about cleaning up (yes, the girl who put the dishes there in the first place was included.) I was THE CLEANEST person there. On top of that, they just wanted to have wild parties in the apartment, and at a 3-to-1 vote... I was outnumbered. So they brought strange guys into the apartment who would pass out on or kitchen counter, brought underage girls as young as 16 in drinking. And asking them to tone the parties down didn't work because all 3 of them wanted to party. So i had to threaten to call the police on a number of occasions.

    Quote Originally Posted by shoshana View Post
    and to bounce off of this idea, the only way that you could have genuine interactions with your potential roommate would be if you also have the same desire.

    despite how most people may seem -- it's quite easy for the other party to realize you are simply being polite and have no real desire to forge a relationship with him or her.
    Well I'm not sure how to maintain my distance/reservedness AND have the situation be a peaceful living environment. It just hasn't worked in the past. I've got several years worth of experience of it not working. My only idea for how to fix it is to establish a friendship.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  9. #29
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    The computer idea sounds good and and if turns out you guys have a common favorite show, you can bond over it 30 minutes/1 hour a week type of deal.

  10. #30
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I've found that roommate relationships are a bit like a bank account. You need to make regular deposits so that when a problem arises, you have some collateral in the account which you can draw on without becoming overdrawn.

    You obviously have a lot of that down - being clean, not making a bunch of noise, etc. However, you may have to also take into account what currency your roommate values most. If they don't particularly care about noise, but do care about something else, it's helpful if you can figure out what their "currency" is.

    I am not terribly chatty, especially when I can see that someone is busy or not all that into it. However one roommate I had would go for days at a time with me arriving home and her speaking in terse one word answers and then going to her room for hours at a time. I tried not to jump to conclusions and assume that it meant what I would mean it as (I dislike you and you don't seem to be understanding that I don't want to talk to you, so I'm making the message more plain). After a few weeks I finally asked her if everything was alright and she seemed really surprised and we talked a bit - I realized that she didn't mean anything, so I quit worrying about it and things went quite well.

    During my first year of undergrad I lived with four older girls of a shared cultural background which I was not part of. They were considerably more blunt than I would be if I wasn't trying to make a point and I assumed they disliked me a lot. One of the roommates was very unhappy that her boyfriend hadn't yet proposed and she had a lot of spare time on her hands, so took out her frustrations on everyone around her. I didn't even realize myself how much I was avoiding the house (I left early in the morning and came home late at night) until much later. I found out after the one girl left that everyone else disliked dealing with her too, and once I understood that they just expressed themselves differently than my family members did I actually was surprised and how much more I enjoyed staying there.

    One of my problems has generally been that I don't tend to involve myself much with other people until I'm sure there's a clear go ahead that I'm welcome. As I've gotten older I've started to understand better that everyone needs some reassurance and usually appreciates when you take initiative to do something with them or interact in some way. I've gotten a little bit better now at initiating contact and am surprised at how much more warmly people respond.

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