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Thread: Teenage girls and revealing clothing.

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    Senior Member Array Qlip's Avatar
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    Default Teenage girls and revealing clothing.

    Every so often I'm treated to a strong tirade about teenage girls dressing like skanks from my ESFJ buddy. Wearing tight tanks, short shorts, etc. Often this will produce tsks from sympathetic people, as if saying, "What is the world coming to, this must be indicative of the decay of Western society, tut tut." I always just kind of rolled my eyes when this came out. I never saw the big deal. I thought, maybe it would be different if I had daughters. Well, I do, one of them is going to be a preteen soon, and I don't feel much different.

    I don't advocate young girls going out on the street emulating hookers or anything like that. But girls shouldn't be labeled as promiscuous by the clothes they wear. Most of the time when I hear this complaint, there may be skin showing, but generally the outfit is 'cute'. This all comes down to society thinking that the onus lies on women as to what men feel. As if men aren't responsible for their own actions and thought. I find that idea reprehensible.

    So, I have an opinion, obviously, but I would like to hear others as well.

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    Besserwisserwannabe Array Jennifer's Avatar
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    I have a teen daughter who is extremely attractive, and we've had to help her take care with what she wears. She does seem to understand what clothes make her look fashionable and what clothes can make her look very attractive / receives attention from guys... but without any real life experience, she's not yet really understanding what level of attention and desire she can generate in terms of how she presents herself. For her own protection (emotionally and physically), she's got to have some boundaries in terms of how she puts herself out there.

    Of course, the whole thing is a two-pronged response. Men essentially learn how to control themselves and respect women; women learn what impact their presentation and behavior has in terms of the response it typically generates in men; there has to be some kind of balance in the middle there.
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    RETIRED Array CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    I don't advocate young girls going out on the street emulating hookers or anything like that. But girls shouldn't be labeled as promiscuous by the clothes they wear. Most of the time when I hear this complaint, there may be skin showing, but generally the outfit is 'cute'. This all comes down to society thinking that the onus lies on women as to what men feel. As if men aren't responsible for their own actions and thought. I find that idea reprehensible.
    They shouldn't but they are. If you look at the statistics on acquaintance/date rape and teenaged pregnancy (not directly linked by overlapping) and see how ignorant teenagers are about safe/sex and see dolls like this:



    it should make you go :horor: and wtf?

    Girls shouldn't be targeted for what they wear, but they are. And when people like your friend criticize, they are probably criticizing more the parents of said girls.

    Also, it's not so much that clothing makes the girls "look slutty' but it hypersexualizes them and sexualizes them early - when they are too young to have sex or really understand.

    I know anecdotally and directly stories from women who got unwanted sexual looks and overtures from men as CHILDREN (I consider 13/14/15/16/ heck even 17 to be children) and it's very gross, dangerous, and confusing for them at the time and afterwards.
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    Away with the fairies Array Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    I don't advocate young girls going out on the street emulating hookers or anything like that. But girls shouldn't be labeled as promiscuous by the clothes they wear. Most of the time when I hear this complaint, there may be skin showing, but generally the outfit is 'cute'. This all comes down to society thinking that the onus lies on women as to what men feel. As if men aren't responsible for their own actions and thought. I find that idea reprehensible.
    I'm sure some people disapprove for that reason but mine is different. I just wish girls didn't feel like they had to walk about in a semi-naked state to fit in and be fashionable. I'm not prudish about it (there's absolutely nothing wrong with wearing something semi-revealing - I think tight tank tops or short shorts are totally fine) but it does bother me when everything need be on full display. A little moderation would go a long way with some people. Also there can be an element of insecurity and attention seeking in it - that if you can't get the attention of every man in the room you have no self-worth. I'm just worried too many girls are seeking to define themselves by how sexually attractive they are, rather than by the content of their character.

    That said, I totally agree with your above comments
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    Senior Member Array Qlip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I have a teen daughter who is extremely attractive, and we've had to help her take care with what she wears. She does seem to understand what clothes make her look fashionable and what clothes can make her look very attractive / receives attention from guys... but without any real life experience, she's not yet really understanding what level of attention and desire she can generate in terms of how she presents herself. For her own protection (emotionally and physically), she's got to have some boundaries in terms of how she puts herself out there.

    Of course, the whole thing is a two-pronged response. Men essentially learn how to control themselves and respect women; women learn what impact their presentation and behavior has in terms of the response it typically generates in men; there has to be some kind of balance in the middle there.
    Okay, this makes sense. I guess my Fi values don't automatically go to a middle ground solution. But it still irritates me that this leads to the trend that girls will be hyperconcsious about their bodies and who knows what unguided boys are learning here.

    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    They shouldn't but they are. If you look at the statistics on acquaintance/date rape and teenaged pregnancy (not directly linked by overlapping) and see how ignorant teenagers are about safe/sex and see dolls like this:

    it should make you go :horor: and wtf?

    Girls shouldn't be targeted for what they wear, but they are. And when people like your friend criticize, they are probably criticizing more the parents of said girls.

    Also, it's not so much that clothing makes the girls "look slutty' but it hypersexualizes them and sexualizes them early - when they are too young to have sex or really understand.

    I know anecdotally and directly stories from women who got unwanted sexual looks and overtures from men as CHILDREN (I consider 13/14/15/16/ heck even 17 to be children) and it's very gross, dangerous, and confusing for them at the time and afterwards.
    I see your point here. I've always made sure that my girls stayed far away from Bratz dolls, heck I've even steered them away from modern Barbies. My belief is mostly being that anybody under a certain age shouldn't be thought of as sexual, no matter what they are wearing. There is definitely a difference between 'showing skin' and being sexy. Hell, nudity is only considered automatically sexy for cultural reasons in our society. I'm glad I started this thread..

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I'm sure some people disapprove for that reason but mine is different. I just wish girls didn't feel like they had to walk about in a semi-naked state to fit in and be fashionable. I'm not prudish about it (there's absolutely nothing wrong with wearing something semi-revealing - I think tight tank tops or short shorts are totally fine) but it does bother me that everything need be on full display. A little moderation would go a long way. Also there can be an element of insecurity and attention seeking in it - that if you can't get the attention of every man in the room you have no self-worth. I'm just worried too many girls are seeking to define themselves by how sexually attractive they are, rather than by the content of their character.
    Well yeah, I've seen this. It usually looks very clumsy and obvious at that age, I can imagine that positive hits when vamped up can totally change the way a girl thinks about herself.

    These responses remind me of YWIR's burqa thread, and how women choose to wear them.

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    Besserwisserwannabe Array Jennifer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Girls shouldn't be targeted for what they wear, but they are. And when people like your friend criticize, they are probably criticizing more the parents of said girls.
    Yes. Girls are getting attention, which can feel very affirming especially when one's self-esteem is developing... but they don't realize it's not a "safe" kind of attention that looks out for them as people, it's the kind of attention that they're typically not yet prepared to handle and that doesn't necessarily have a commitment to them as a person.

    As my daughter gets older, she'll be able to better match the vibes she puts out with her ability to deal with any situation that comes because of that.
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    Senior Member Array uncommonentity's Avatar
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    I'm afraid females will always be objectified no matter what age they are. Men still masturbate to women wearing burkas so there's no such thing as fully protecting your child unless you lock them in a cage and never let them outside. What I find most shocking about the OP is that well.... I thought esfjs were THE type to wear something promiscuous. All the ones I know are attractive beyond belief and go out of their way to look as sexy as possible. I feel almost blessed that they're my duality type but that's not the point. Personally I really don't see what excessive harm it's doing to anybody. So your teenage girl wants to dress like a slut? tell her that in doing so she'll be taken as one because the world is a shallow enviroment and the majority of men think with their cock. If she's got half a brain she'll cover up to repel unwanted attention. Problem solved. Sure, in an ideal world we'd like to tell our daughter it'd be fine to go outside in a bikini and nobody would bother her because it's normal attire but we live on earth and sadly not everyone has evolved past the stage of being an lust ridden animal with no courtesy.
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    Emerging Array Tallulah's Avatar
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    I'm on both sides of the fence here. My mother would never have let me wear anything that was actually too revealing, but there were times when I thought she went overboard in the modesty department, and I'd rebel. I wasn't trying to be sexy at that age, and she finally realized that and mostly left me alone.

    However, things have changed a lot since I was a teenager, and there's a lot more in our culture that points toward women getting more and more of their self-esteem from their sexuality, and it starts at a younger and younger age. I see kids (probably innocently) wearing the stuff my mother wouldn't have let me wear (I really don't think teen girls should wear those booty shorts, sorry). But I also see them dressing like Bratz dolls and Kardashians, and I do wonder where their parents are.

    I do agree that it shouldn't be all on women to hold down the self-control department, though, and it's pretty gross to think of older guys getting off on looking at 15 year olds.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    Every so often I'm treated to a strong tirade about teenage girls dressing like skanks from my ESFJ buddy. Wearing tight tanks, short shorts, etc. Often this will produce tsks from sympathetic people, as if saying, "What is the world coming to, this must be indicative of the decay of Western society, tut tut." I always just kind of rolled my eyes when this came out. I never saw the big deal. I thought, maybe it would be different if I had daughters. Well, I do, one of them is going to be a preteen soon, and I don't feel much different.

    I don't advocate young girls going out on the street emulating hookers or anything like that. But girls shouldn't be labeled as promiscuous by the clothes they wear. Most of the time when I hear this complaint, there may be skin showing, but generally the outfit is 'cute'. This all comes down to society thinking that the onus lies on women as to what men feel. As if men aren't responsible for their own actions and thought. I find that idea reprehensible.

    So, I have an opinion, obviously, but I would like to hear others as well.
    I highlighted what probably is my gut reaction to this, although I would say that there grounds for considering questions about decency and what your style of dress says about you, your family ties etc. Its about more than simply the individual and their choice of style.

    When I was in my teens my parents debated the fact that I liked to wear military fatigues or was obsessed with war history and the paramilitarism dating from the beginning of the modern troubles in northern ireland and stuff like that, my mum just told me not to dress like that, my dad gave me more lee way but I was conscientious enough not to dress that way in particular places or on particular occasions it would likely draw unwanted attention.

    I'd die a death if I had kids who adopted goth or emo styles, those are just two of the youth culture styles I hate, Chav styles too although I dont think anyone outside of particular communities deliberately adopts that style, and I feel as strongly about that, probably more strongly, than I do about revealing dress.

    In my own family there's been more stress about my grown up younger sister who despite being in her mid to late twenties and also having the appearence of someone who has prematurely aged as a consequence of hard drinking and living will persistantly dress in a juvenile and often sexualised manner, in many ways it highlights the stage of development or maturation she got stuck at and never emerged from.

    There is another factor in this too, often its adult men either commenting on the style of dress of adolescent females, that in itself makes me edgey. I know on occasions at work some of the female staff have commented to female residents that they need to cover up or dress appropriately because male staff are around, I hate that. In it there is an implication that because a child dresses in a revealing or adult manner then adult males will confuse them for adult women on the pull, WTF?! Of course they wont, unless they need to straighten out their damn thinking that is, like the OP has said when I've seen younger females adopt revealing or adult styles of dress I've often thought it looks strange, like if they suddenly dressed in shalls or head dresses like some aged pensioners do.

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    469 Array cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    I don't advocate young girls going out on the street emulating hookers or anything like that. But girls shouldn't be labeled as promiscuous by the clothes they wear.
    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip
    My belief is mostly being that anybody under a certain age shouldn't be thought of as sexual, no matter what they are wearing.
    Do you think that wearing clothing that advertises/enhances sexuality (whether it be tight clothing, very short skirts or shorts, or a lot of skin showing) shouldn't be viewed by others as advertising sexuality? I mean... the fact of the matter is that it IS. Do you see that changing? Even the women who wear this clothing know very well what responses the clothing will illicit from men (aside from maybe very very young girls who see it only as the trendy style and don't know yet that it in fact does play up ones sexuality).

    I'm hard-pressed to think of any woman/teenager who actually wears this sort of clothing without knowing it will illicit more attention from guys. Each of us dresses the way we do to illicit SOME sort of response or create our visual 'identity', if you will. Whether that's goth, or just a t-shirt and jeans, or deliberately modest, etc. Women know very well that wearing certain types of clothing will get more response from men, and that tighter clothing will play up/highlight ones physical assets. So 'revealing clothing' is often done intentionally; or at the very least, even if the girl isn't promiscuous, she knows wearing that clothing will get more attention from the guys, in a sexual way. Why would it not? This has been going on for centuries... wearing certain clothing to enhance perceived attraction to the opposite sex. The styles change, but the concept is the same... attracting the opposite sex.
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