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  1. #61
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    To teach them to be assertive and confident and to know the difference between being a kind person and just being "too nice" or submissive ...I think teaching your daughters to kick ass is a splendid idea.

    Those are skills they can carry into adulthood, no matter how they're dressed.

  2. #62
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    If I was raising a daughter, I would try to teach them self-esteem and self-confidence and the opposite of shame. I would tell them early on that no one is allowed to touch them or talk to them in certain ways and that it's never okay to 'put up' with it. I would rather have my daughter be a little much to handle and a little spit fire and err on the side of protecting themselves than someone who is too accommodating. I would HELL NO to letting them dress in sexy clothing until they are much older, maybe 17, teach them about safe sex early, and honestly NO SEX WHILE THEY LIVE UNDER MY ROOF. Have you seen that show 'scared straight'? I'd do that to my daughter (and son) when it comes to sex. Having babies when you're in high school is not fun and delivering a vaginal birth at 16 does not sound like anyone's idea of a picnic.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  3. #63
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I'd suggest telling them to not seek validation from men. Their existence is valid in its own right. They have value as full people, not simply in how men see them, especially those inclined to view them as sex objects
    .
    But also don't turn men into some evil OTHERS. They don't exist to oppress or violate women after all. You have to strike a balance of giving men the benefit of the doubt, but not being overly trusting so as to be left too vulnerable to the "icky" ones.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #64
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    I had a math teacher who took his daughter to taekwondo to get a black belt. Some boys were trying to pick a fight with her or tease her or something in the sixth grade. I'm not sure the details, but she dislocated the boy's femur from his pelvis.

  5. #65
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    This reminds me of a dA stamp I once saw: "Don't just teach women how to not get raped; teach men not to rape!" (or words to that effect).

    Self-preservation is important, but we men can't go around saying, "Well, I can't keep it in my pants, so watch out and don't wear a skirt". We're the dang problem; we can be better than that, but it's so much easier to tell girls to censor themselves.

  6. #66
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    Well teaching women not to get raped is fighting traditional gender roles i.e. women are helpless, should always be nice, "I'm Just a Girl" by No Doubt springs to mind..so yeah it's both, IMO. Dual change of socialization.

  7. #67
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Well, I've like never been laid, but have a lizard brain.

    I've noticed that guys who can express it get laid, whereas I'm "sweet" and don't.

    Actually my "celibacy" much more complex than that.

    Some guys need therapy to control themselves. I need sex therapy to have it.

    Some girls have said I come across as a monk. One gave me a book on entering a Trappist monastery.

  8. #68
    figsfiggyfigs
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    Maybe you're asexual.

  9. #69
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Sorry, I went tangential. Too long of a subtopic!

    Sometimes I say, "Shit, that was crass. I'd never say that to a lady", and the guy who said it ended up marrying the woman.

    It's a question. How do you teach a lad to do the correct thing? I'm sure there is a happy medium between being too pushy and being emasculated.

    The female thread is about how they dress. Where's the line?

    I think the male thread would be about how they act on it. Where is the male line? I don't think we can inject boys with anti-hormone until they turn 25, have a job, and a little maturity.

  10. #70
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Doesn't this all come down to the household atmosphere and role models? I was raised by an INFP father who was raised by his grandmother. My brothers are all very sensitve guys, and I have 3 of them. Of course, I'm not sure the absolute correct lesson was taught in the house as my father didn't have much identity because of his nature and situation.

    As far as girls and self-esteem, that's a tough one. There are so many pitfalls. There's the whole daddy issue thing. I don't live with my daughters, but I'm doing my best to make sure they don't have to prove anything for my love. As far as what society teaches them, I've got some influence on that up to a point. I suppose the biggest difference I can make is in making sure they have what they need to be confident women. Hmmm... lots to think about.

    This reminds me, talking about kicking ass, this upcoming weekend I'm going to have to show my daughter how to use that pocketknife that she's been begging for for the past two years.

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