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  1. #21
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Dearest, Sweetest, Most Purplish-Golden-Tongued* Saturned:
    * purple and gold are colors of royalty, you know... altho I guess on a tongue, it could be a medical issue that really needs the care of a primary physician with a decade of experience with a genus of exotic African filovirus, but don't worry, i am sure everything is okay as long as your eyeballs don't turn green... uh... your eyeballs haven't turned green, have they?

    I was wondering if you could help me with a particular problem that just came up in my life. Here it is.


    Three people -- Rakustani, Lesley, and Zippo -- are being held in a torture dungeon where horribly dreadfully embarrassing activities involve feather dusters, chunky peanut butter, and rancid sea monkeys are being performed upon them. After days of acts too shameful to mention here in this missive, a mere PG-23 word problem, they are brought before the evil Baron Von Schlunk who has decided to give them a chance to go free once his fancy rattlesnake boots have been shined by his albino oompa-loompa maidservants.

    Baron Von Schlunk explains the rules of a game that might win them emancipation. he has collected five hats - three red and two white. (There is some suspicion that the red hats might be -- DUM dum DUMMMMM -- ketchup, blood *gasp*... or maybe even Dr. Pepper stains!!) He will blindfold the three prisoners, place a fez on each one, then remove the blindfold from one prisoner at a time. That prisoner can then see the other two fedoras and try to determine the color of his own. A correct answer, of course, is a ticket out of bondage and into the annals of logic problem history.

    The first prisoner, Rakustani, upon seeing the other hats, is chagrinned to say he doesn't know what color his hat is and becomes as pale as a hard-boiled egg dropped in chalk dust. When the second person's blindfold is removed, the answer is also "I don't know." However, before the third prisoner's blindfold is even touched, he correctly announces the color of his hat. Baron Von Schlunk is obviously disappointed, but after Zippo is branded on the butt with the Baron's personal mark (so that he can be accurately tracked along with the Baron's migrating ducks, regardless of location), he is fired out of the castle in a large kinetic cannon, while Rakustani is forced to stay as slave labor building a new fusion reactor and then making sure that it is entirely radioactive. (Needless to say, Rakustani's complexion is doomed, even after being dunked repeatedly into large vats of expensive skin lotion.)

    Question: What color was the last prisoner's hat, how did he know the answer, and why didn't the second prisoner have to help test the reactor? And how can Raku save his skin complexion from the fallout of his incarceration? Alternate questions: How can I find happiness and gainful employment in life when my mother still harangues me to get married and produce a six-pack of grandchildren and the only men I meet are all regulars on OKCupid and look like Baron Von Schlunk's pet frog?

    :cookie: :linedance:
    *shakes die*

    Fi says:
    Meh!

    Te says:
    *sigh* Let me take over, k?

    Fi says:


    Te Says:
    Blech.... hugs... Moving on...

    Questions:
    1- Red.
    2- Because if the third hat had been white, the second prisoner would have known what color hat his was.
    3- Because, as everyone knows, only one person can work on a reactor at one time.
    4- Makeup.

    Fi+Ne says:
    Alternate Questions:
    1- Learn to be happy with yourself first! After that everything else will fall into place like pieces in a puzzle.

    Also, buy a pony!! It's a GUY MAGNET!

  2. #22
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    That was fun.

    Dear Saturned,

    There's someone in my life that doesn't speak up about what's on their mind and when they do, it's completely off course. It often includes false assumptions about me. I've told them to cut it out, but they still do it. How do I deal with someone that is not assertive like that? Should I cut off the relationship?


    At the end of my rope,

    Nerd Girl
    Fi + Ne says:

    Dear @Nerd Girl,

    First, let me just say that I am a huge fan of yours. Also, I love your avatar.

    Second... I can definitely understand your frustration with this individual. Cutting people out of one's life is not a light matter.

    I wonder if a "break" would help at all. Break in this context as having no contact for a set amount of time. Maybe a month, a few weeks, etc. Whatever you deem as being reasonable giving the variables of how much time you spend together now, and how feasible this can be to your life. Ie, If this is someone you work with and see on a daily basis, you may have to tweak this slightly.

    I think if you did this it could give some added perspective to your life. Do you find that you miss them? Do you feel relief? Do you even notice?

    That could help point you down the correct road of action. If you really miss this person then you should invest in at least one more significant chat session to try and get through to this individual. If you don't, then perhaps it is time for you to move on.

    I think in any relationship (even if it's just a friendship) some level of being understood is required. It is not unreasonable of you for needing to have someone be straightforward with you, and to not assume untrue things about you.

    And it takes two to have any kind of relationship as well. If one is putting forth all of the effort and positive building up, and the other is doing nothing or tearing things down... Then it is not an equal partnership.

    Overall, I think that if this friendship is going to continue, then effort needs to be made on both sides... Your effort being that you will give them another chance, and their effort revolving around modifying their behaviors.

    In regards on how to deal with passive aggressiveness specifically... I feel the only way to handle that is by being direct. Otherwise then you are following them down the PA rabbit hole and that helps no one.

    I hope this helps! If what I said doesn't fit at all, then please feel free to let me know and I will give it another 'go'.

    ~

  3. #23
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecTcelfeR View Post
    Impossible, because I imagined you up!
    Or I imagined you imagining that you imagined me up.

  4. #24
    Don't pet me. JAVO's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    Or maybe you are all inside my own imaginated world and therefore anything I say is actually an internal representation of my thoughts spoken to you in an external (from your POV) manner.

    Think about it.
    So, essentially, I'm in your head.

    Which leads to my next advice request, for which you're so well-qualified....

    Where's a fun place to hang out in here?

  5. #25
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAVO View Post
    So, essentially, I'm in your head.

    Which leads to my next advice request, for which you're so well-qualified....

    Where's a fun place to hang out in here?
    I have free watermelon and hot dogs on the infinity deck for any XNTP who wishes to partake of deliciousness. There is an option to cancel the dancing waterfalls, bunny cheerleaders, and rainbowfall that occurs periodically if they offend your more robotic sensibilities.

    Enjoy your stay with Saturned.

  6. #26
    Don't pet me. JAVO's Avatar
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    Sounds awesome! ...yeah, I think I'll probably stay over here in the left hemisphere mostly.

  7. #27
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAVO View Post
    Sounds awesome! ...yeah, I think I'll probably stay over here in the left hemisphere mostly.
    I'm sorry. Perhaps you didn't read the pamphlet carefully enough? On Saturned, we like to say, "The Place Where Every Hemisphere is Right!™"

  8. #28
    Don't pet me. JAVO's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    I'm sorry. Perhaps you didn't read the pamphlet carefully enough? On Saturned, we like to say, "The Place Where Every Hemisphere is Right!™"
    Impressive with the slogan and all. I can go along with both hemispheres being right, but I'll still have an affinity for the left.

  9. #29
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    I also LOVE Cactuar!
    Me too!

    Dear Saturned,

    Do you prefer digital watches and clocks or the kind with hands? Why?


    Do you have any personal advice on how to endure uncertainty?
    the formless thing which gives things form!
    Found Forum Haiku Project


    Positive Spin | your feedback welcomed | Darker Criticism

  10. #30
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vasilisa View Post
    Me too!

    Dear Saturned,

    Do you prefer digital watches and clocks or the kind with hands? Why?


    Do you have any personal advice on how to endure uncertainty?
    Oh... what.... a..... cute... picture...... zomg! *Fi collapses into puddle of Fi-goo*

    Q1: I wear neither.... if I *must* look at a clock, I prefer that it be in numbers. I am pathetically unable to read analog clocks swiftly anymore. (Gah!! I could have discovered what time it was seconds ago... but here I am using my brain like a sucker!)

    Q2: Just the simple fact that nothing is ever certain. It would be lovely if we could make things certain when we desire them to be. However, if everything was certain, then nothing would be amazing.

    For the span of my lifetime it is reasonably certain* that the sun will continue to rise in the East and settle in the West. But where will I be in relation to the sun setting and rising each day? What colors will be present? Will it be raining? Will it be snowing? Those are the pieces that make each movement of the sun amazing.

    The times in my life where I have wanted certainty it is because I desire to wrestle control over my life from the forces that actually control it. It just ends up making me even more frustrated, maybe a little angry, and sad. In contrast, in the times where I just sort of "have faith" with my life, I am calmer and more content.

    So I guess as far as "advice" goes... I say, stick to your raft and weather the storm and wait for dawn and clear skies to arrive.

    *It is also reasonably certain that Ti-dom/aux people will correct anything because they cannot resist the siren call that inaccuracy gives off. I would like to add a caveat to my story that if one was trying to observe these sun movements on the solstices at the poles that one might find that nothing is happening.

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