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  1. #21
    Anew Leaf
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    Honest assessment as a voyeur: you guys both have issues getting in the way of communicating with each other.

    It looks like both of you are not in the right place to be qualified to really comment on each others' lives without it getting unduly personal.

    For me I see the communication break-down in the last third of your conversation. I think he may have wanted to just vent/get stuff off of his chest, and not necessarily put his feet up on a therapists couch to soul search what the meaning of his life is.

  2. #22
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    Well here's what I think: you asked him what made him happy, he told you, and you put some moralizing trip on him about it. On the other hand, I think he should concern himself less with blueberry smelling pot plants and his mommy (he's 37???!!!) and be more concerned with the fact that he's got two college degrees and is mooching off his wife, and I expect this is probably due to him not being willing to "lower himself" to do something that he didn't go to school for. I'd probably smack him if I knew him. On the other hand, like I said, I think you asked him what would make him happy, then judged him for what he said made him happy. That irritates people.

    Anyway, he sounds really depressed so that may be why he keeps arguing with you. Also, I suspect you two have very different political opinions from his letter to you.

  3. #23
    A window to the soul
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    Like when Qlip said "you're trying to turn this s- around". @Qlip: I think your buddy was trying to make fun of his situation and himself. Your responses were serious business.

    It's hard to say what was really going on, since I've never met either one of you IRL. It does seem like your friend is a cynical jokester.

  4. #24
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Hmmm... processing.

    I'm always on guard when I talk to him, I'm always waiting for him to bite. Here's a real, and very short prototype of every conversation I seem to have with him.

    Him: Did you like Batman?

    Me: Yeah, that was a great movie.

    Him: That was the worst movie, ever.

    Me: Ummm, okay.

    If I come out of this feeling like I screwed something up... I'll try to fix it. On one hand I have trouble with his negativity and constant boundry pushing. On the other, I do feel for him in that very special NF way.

    EDIT: It feels like he's always trying to get a rise out of me. A RL troll.

  5. #25
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    Hmmm... processing.

    I'm always on guard when I talk to him, I'm always waiting for him to bite. Here's a real, and very short prototype of every conversation I seem to have with him.

    Him: Did you like Batman?

    Me: Yeah, that was a great movie.

    Him: That was the worst movie, ever.

    Me: Ummm, okay.

    If I come out of this feeling like I screwed something up... I'll try to fix it. On one hand I have trouble with his negativity and constant boundry pushing. On the other, I do feel for him in that very special NF way.
    When I read what you wrote here, the first thing I think is that you are setting yourself for automatic failure in your interactions with him. (Yes, he has ownership in 50%, but you have to concentrate on your side of the 50% because that's the only side you have control over.)

    You have said various things like: I have always disliked him. I am on guard with him.

    etc.

    Why are you friends with him if you feel this way? What benefit do you give to his life, and he to yours? If you don't "get" him and he doesn't "get" you... then what is the point?

  6. #26
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    I've seen people talk like this to each other. It's like a contest over who can be the most defensive the fastest.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  7. #27
    A window to the soul
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    It feels like he's always trying to get a rise out of me. A RL troll.
    Yeah, well, he's stressed. I don't see where he's being less of a friend to you. I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Besides, who doesn't poke at people a little when they're bored and down on their luck, huh?

    Poke back.

  8. #28
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    When I read what you wrote here, the first thing I think is that you are setting yourself for automatic failure in your interactions with him. (Yes, he has ownership in 50%, but you have to concentrate on your side of the 50% because that's the only side you have control over.)

    You have said various things like: I have always disliked him. I am on guard with him.

    etc.

    Why are you friends with him if you feel this way? What benefit do you give to his life, and he to yours? If you don't "get" him and he doesn't "get" you... then what is the point?
    Hah, very good question and difficult to explain. My investment is that I know him and have spent a decent amount of time with him, which should probably not be considered an investment. He's an odd man out in Nebraska, which is something that I like. He's my ex's Cousin's husband, and I pretty much only had the choice to hang out with him during family events or talk about tractor ball bearings with the farmers.

    He's a burden on his wife, whom I like a lot, but don't actually interact with. But I always kind of figured if I could help Him, it'd help her. She always looks like she's going to break. Ehh, I curse my type.. this should be clear to me, but it feels murky.

  9. #29
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    After reading that convo, it's made me want to go to the doctor for anti-depressants. No wonder you cut him off.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    I've seen people talk like this to each other. It's like a contest over who can be the most defensive the fastest.
    Like a game of chicken?

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