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  1. #21
    Anew Leaf
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    Well, maybe the question you need to ask yourself is: is this a group of people that I want to fit in with?

    I remember one time in highschool a friend of mine threw a party when his parents were out of town. There was this one guy who always tried to orbit around this group of friends but he was awkward and very INFP and the guys didn't like him. He was very very sad about not going to the party so I told him I'd take him with me. I got hell from some of the people at the party for doing this because they didn't like him. The INFP was then sad that people didn't like him, and I had a strange moment of clarity for being 18 and self absorbed back then and I told him what I am telling you now.

    If the price of being with anyone is to sacrifice who you are, then the price is too high. Maybe what you need to do is to move on and find a new group of friends. I don't know how old you are, but at least for me, I find friends are better as you age.

    /end INFP ramble.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I've felt this way before yes. I'd guess, yes, there is some degree of withdrawal on your own part. Whenever I examine these times of my life when I felt this way, I have to be honest and say I was isolating myself, even when around people, I kept the wall up. You can't connect/relate/whatever when you're convinced you're defective & too strange. You've created a mental/emotional barrier.
    I wish this was an isolated instance. It is true I have withdrawn a little. Even so. I attend events that are more to my liking and feel out of place even more. I went to a happiness seminar. Or so I assumed, instead it appears now the kind of people who are drawn to me have cancer and I absorb their energies. Was I ever in a unwell space yesterday. I was incredibly disappointed. This particular seminar was female only. And the only two people I happen to talk with had cancer, it was held at the town hall where Grow was, a gathering for depressed people of which I visited once a few years ago. And felt the energy change to a dark apathy, a stinky atmosphere, it was horrible. While I knew when I registered for the seminar it was more out of a need to feel included in something even though I paid to go alone. I was bored, everyone took notes, I was surprised for the price the organiser did not provide notes, I said under my breath luckily I know everything already. When I spoke up about a few clarifications she answered me nervously as if sensing I already knew what she was talking about as if to let me know not to say too much. hahaha. And I did it again I pretty much summed it up to the lady who talked to me about it who had cancer as she tells me. And she agreed with me, to her surprise and when oh you know a lot. While the other lady I started talking to started expressing her new career change then turned to how she lived in India and saw poverty and asked whether I had children. That she can relate on some level for she has neither as she is trying to adjust to her partners child. And such, while the seminar was geared to the ladies, I knew a few, some knew each other and were huggy just not with me.

    Then I asked the organizers, ones a holistic healer while the other is a career coach, sisters. Why is my energy out of alignment with everyone I come into contact with. And why am I without progress under performing in life. They said I would need to attend a private session for that. Funny I find myself confused by their energy it feels dampening, difficult to explain. I was directed to visit a acupuncturist earlier that did not really help and they charge more than normal. There was a pregnant woman there complaining of the heater and we opened windows, hahaha I swear her water was about to break, she had to sit under the fan.

    Anyway. I left feeling cold, while most others clapped and cheered. As they played the don't worry be happy song.

    Something similar happened at another party I went to from a alternative health friend but different.

    He saw you as just interested in yourself (and people often view INFP 4s as being "snobby" about stuff, above their mundane, trivial leisure pursuits). The reality of course, is that you're not closed to it, but for some reason, people are getting that impression. I might be projecting too much of myself here, but you let me know if any of this sounds familiar....
    It is a little, though that's the thing I have gone along with activities and interest they are into for many years, I rarely brought up my interests. So that I wouldn't feel alone, you know be connected, accepted by a social group. I didn't hang out because I really wanted to, caused me more problems after that I wouldn't mention because then I would be totally avoided. I went because I wanted to interact with friends energies, experience events and socialise. Maybe meet interesting people I could click with, this turned into a strange experience where I didn't click with many people. Maybe I didn't allow myself who knows, I felt guarded, arching my eyes up cautiously wondering what I would say that would be acceptable conversations. I didn't remember any of the experiences I shared that were situational or rather it did not occur to me to discuss the experiences we had at concerts and activities and the like. And yeah I maybe was focused on other things. And became a little disillusioned that I am in a social group that seems immature and wondered if this was a mirror, a reflection of where I am at in life. For the more I was there the more it appeared balance, true balance of perspective was missing and women did not want to hang out with them as much as more male friends who did not fit in with society.

    Whenever I did wanted to initiate conversations around my interests this I noticed in body language was boring and stopped. Instead focused on job dissatisfaction, relationships and social analysis. While asking about their friends backgrounds. The deeper questions weren't received well either, later years included when we were better friends.

    InvisibleJim, however flippant, isn't that far off the mark, IMO. Accept you're different, be comfortable with it, but don't view it as a gulf, a hindrance, a defect, etc. You can be different AND relate to others still. Realize that adapting to others & being open to them is not a threat to your individuality. This also helps you feel more secure in general, so if/when you're "abandoned" again (because relationships wax & wane), you'll know it's not because you're defective or any comment on your worth as a person.

    Anyway, I'm sorry you're feeling down, feeling excluded.
    Thanks. It happened before but I understood why, I was really negative and back in 05 and was excluded from a music forum and going to events with friends I started knowing in real time. They eventually left me, almost all. Those that understood I was unwell and stayed on for a while and those that saw improvements and I became positive now left as well because I was still stressed and rarely talked out of guilt of the strangeness of those times before I started seeing the world in a positive light. This time should of been different.

    And since my connections with high school friends are distant, 15 years ago ah well. The only friends that know me are forum friends. And even here it feels awkward, like socially eccentric. I promised myself I wouldn't turn out like a lonely creepy 40something staring out the window as neighbors socialized and knew each other. But hahah its kinda hard when my INTJ father is like a grinch that chases off children and hates everyone in the neighborhood, meanwhile the teenagers now do things to egg him on. He says they are all druggies, smoke weed and wants to move to a farm. And my mother is equally like peeping out the curtain blinds going, what, I need to keep tabs on them. Hello, say hello, wave at them. She goes are you insane then I gotta invite them inside. And there my brother calls saying he wants to drop by with his girlfriend and they chuck a big negative rant fit and he doesn't.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by paperoceans View Post
    Life is too short to be worrying about assholes. You fit in man, you just haven't found your ~place~ How old are you, BTW?
    Early thirties and still wishing to discover my identity. bwahahaha. The next few months feel pivotal or rather most helpful in determining what I'm on about most.

    Thanks cheered me up a bit. That much is truth sense, my place will come, its simply been a surprisingly confusing time of late.

    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    If the price of being with anyone is to sacrifice who you are, then the price is too high. Maybe what you need to do is to move on and find a new group of friends. I don't know how old you are, but at least for me, I find friends are better as you age.
    Of course I had to move back with my folks for health and financial reasons this year until it is turned around which slows things down, even so they knew me way before so that shouldn't affect the outcome. I am 34 I will hopefully be more certain of life and the friends who choose to be with me, they are same age as me too. I'm unsure about better with age, it really depends on energy fields. You may find it shocking to discover relatively little changes between decades, removing babies and finances aside. Peoples pettiness and schooling mentalities appear as ingrained if not more so as they age. Acceptance depends much on maturity, security and assertions in themselves as their friends.

    I mean hahah I certainly don't fit into my meditation group as much either even though I love going, most of them have created solid friendships outside of the group over the past year, I am barely at give me your phone number stage. My friend who goes is more socially accepted and has been there less. While yes women with children go there more often, still why are they more comfortable to give my friend who is also male, same name and single their numbers and hesitate to when I ask. hahaha, its weird like that everywhere. Whether its female or male friends. And I am wishing to understand why, I do socialise in a sense, I do give off a warm gentle impression I am told. And yet the vibe doesn't seem to match this impression. I am intelligent to know even if I am mildy asperger that this shouldn't be that much of a difference, especially since the social group has a asperger friend as did the last. hahah. I seem to draw to me mirrors and then I am confused by lots. And the lady who is dating an asperger male said I am not asperger, she is adamant by it. My friends who have asperger friends say the same thing, then what gives, What!

  4. #24
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    You wouldn't suppose its possible to gather my clans and tribes in this way would it?

    These remembrances of Ancient Societal Constructs, as well as any other ideas that may arise, are part of a grand "Playground of the Spirit," that is now being allowed to form via our Families of the Heart. They simply serve as possibilities, which we could play out, experimentally........ in a focused setting......if we choose to do so.

    Gathering together within "Interest Clusters," we could become more familiarized with the Basic Orientations--their primary attributes as well as their tendencies for excess, should they go out of balance. After all, everything has its up and downside, does it not? Sometimes, the easiest way to find out what makes us happy is to get in touch with what upsets us and throws us for a loop. Such an event would not only put us in contact with ourselves.....It would also be a keen way to find EACH OTHER, and form lasting personal support circles that continue, long after the event.

    During this type of event, folks would be given a chance to meet and discuss with other "heart friends," how the world would look if their particular Orientation were allowed to design it. Guidance could be offered for how to get into this, but many will be surprised how easily it comes--since it flows from SHARED TONES rather than political structure or protocol.

    One of the most powerful binding forces in Community is a common language. And, although I always enjoy finding the best and most economical ways of discussing these principles in English, I am really beginning to see some powerful connections being made through modern usage and proliferation of The Living Language of Light, in all its varied dialects.

    According to the system I am remembering, a "Clan" would be defined as a comfortable circle of people, with various temperaments and goals, which an individual recruits as his own Family of the Heart. These folks may or may not be blood relatives. (I realize this is not the classic usage of the term, so bear with me). And then, also in this system........a "Tribe" would consist of all those within a Spiritual Orientation (Motivational Gift), who have gathered together to support the furtherance of that interest and that means of loving and living.

    Currently, things in society are tense and suspicious. People are very SPLIT on how they BELIEVE things should be. Beliefs are mental constructs that haven't truly gone all the way "down" into the feeling core of a person's being. He thinks it all sounds okay, but his level of personal experience with his current ideas lacks depth. The next level of integration turns beliefs into convictions. Now, you're talking about something more substantial!

    It now appears that the Meta-Human Brain has two sides: The Ground Crew (sustaining life and connection in 3D) and The Test Pilot (that which leaps into the Void to find new energies to bring in).

    The last "Test Pilot" Gift would be the GATEWAY INTO INFINITY. It is the twelfth note in the Chromatic Scale. There are 11 distinctive tones beneath it...........with the 12th being ABSOLUTE ONENESS (A Gathering Tone).................the ONE that is the All............which is mentioned at the beginning of "The Grand Game" Transmission:

    "There is a level of being in which the ALL THAT IS truly is all there is. You have no need of anything--because you are everything! You have no boundaries because, when you are All That Is, there is nothing left to be outside of you.

    This is the level which we will now refer to as The Gathering of the One. This level of consciousness would be likened to PURE BLISS. There is complete diffusion of focus and a truly porous consistency to all things. Literally, everything and everyone can exist within the same space at once! If this concept sounds somewhat fantastic to you, then realize also that even the words we speak to describe this level of Being are grossly inadequate and incredibly dense in comparison to this level of infinite harmony and love."

    Everything that vibrates slower than Absolute Oneness would spread itself out as a Motivational Gift, and would bring its distinctive essence and process to the Party! As the various Gifts begin to align, and dance with each other, it creates a focused stream of Soul Essence...........a kind of "Jacob's Ladder," if you will......doing this grand multiversal cha-cha in and out of Heaven!

    At the same time, there will be lots of "twelves" that will be reflecting the process as well. Colors, for example, are also a form of TONE. So are emotions. There are twelve months of the year, twelve signs in the Zodiac, twelve planetary bodies that are involved in this current Astral Transition, twelve dimensions, twelve chakras in the Oneself Body.........and it goes on: twelve! twelve! twelve!!

    As we participate in a work that is focused upon motivations.......we must realize that the operations of these various functions go on at all times, in each of our lives. We all do those basic seven activities at various junctures. And, though it is not unusual for a person to perform the Activity of Researching (for example)............his MOTIVE for performing it may be entirely different from someone whose joy comes from Research.

    This is not something we can WILL to happen, or DECIDE to have happen. But it is something we can ALLOW to happen, as we all learn how to LET GO a little more.

    Practically, this narrows down to two things:

    Stop forcing yourself to do what you do not wish to do.......(or forcing that on others, who are simply parts of yourself)..........and........

    Stop limiting yourself (or others) from doing what you/they DO wish to do

    BE AUTHENTIC!!!

    AN INWARD JOURNEY

    The journey about which we are speaking is an INWARD JOURNEY which eventually expresses itself outwardly into 3D Space. I'll say that again: "It's an INWARD JOURNEY, which eventually expresses itself outwardly into 3D Space."

    The physical world is our MIRROR. It is the INNER LANDSCAPE of humanity where the war is being fought, at this time. We have no need to physically, tangibly ALTER the Earth Plane one iota, in order to gather our Clans and Tribes. It is, first and foremost, something that happens inside each of us. It's very personal. Many will do this on their own, wherever they are. But for some, there is a need to congregate physically, formally, and with a certain degree of respect and celebration.

    "The shifts and changes we are describing here cannot be enacted through political action or deliberate intent. They are born of a higher vibration, and can only begin manifesting when humankind lets go of its addiction to ego-centered control, and simply begins to flow with the river of life that has always been within you. The struggle and hardship of your Limitation Journey are just about complete! Your hearts are opening, and becoming knit-together through communication, and your growing realization of who you really are.

    To realize that there is ONLY ONE......regardless of that One's various masks and faces, smiles, tears, or overt actions ......is the beginning of a new world, right then and there. And it only takes One, for that is all there really is, or ever was!

    As this One begins to own each "other" one, and another, and another, as self......continually expanding his or her identity....and sentience of self---an innate force of personal homeostasis begins to take over. It isn't a "negotiated peace" at all. It is now, and always was inbred. Natural. Quite efficient, really.

    In a Reconnected World, as in an aware, functional human body......the instinct for self-preservation always ends up reigning supreme. All AS One, One AS All. Every man for himself. But friends......what a "self" ye all are! Focus! Realize! Relax into it! You'll be amazed.

    It is the belief in your perceived "other" as separate from your Oneself....that gives birth to fear......and eventually to various forms of Politics. And.... even though a person's politics are fair, honest, and true......they are still the fruit of a poisoned tree, an illusionary tree......called "Separation."

    In regards to this Clans and Tribes idea......I feel that we're only laying a foundation for this now. It's an inward thing, really. You begin identifying and gathering in all the images of folks that symbolize YOUR NEW FAMILY, and you multiply that, in your mind and heart, and FOCUS IT.......and PROJECT IT OUT.......to a hungry and confused world.

    "My Friends, you are the Creators of your reality. Once the illusory separations that exist in your mind, body, and planet are reduced (but not eliminated)--you will CHANGE, "in the twinkling of an eye" into a larger and more powerful representation of yourself than you have ever known.

    My Friends, in your own perceptual reality: YOU, are the 100th Monkey!" (end excerpt)

    The idea of CRITICAL MASS is upon us. It is an idea "whose time has come." As the Mass Consciousness moves ever closer to the BREAKING POINT, in physical limitation and mental resistance........the activities and informed focus of "a few good men (and women)" can do wonders for our collective process.

    When we speak of "righteousness," within the New Paradigm, we are not talking about blind adherence to some "code of conduct," or some religious observance. Instead, we are speaking of a person who is in right relation to himself, the Earth, the Heavens (Wisdom), and the Underworld (Primal Energy).........the type of person who has been aligned, within the Core Self (or is willing to be)......to tackle the tasks at hand.........Someone who is grounded and aware.....and is ready to be engaged in THE GREAT WORK.

    We are deciding, along with Neo, in "The Matrix,"........ whether or not we are willing to be "The One," within our own personal universe. We can each BE THAT, you know. Making yourself "The Hundredth Monkey" for your personal universe does not take away power from another. Your Universe.......or YOU-niverse, if you will........is YOUR seat of power, and my universe is mine. There are no conflicts. There is only collaboration. Co-laboring.....
    I love this idea strangely.
    But I wonder when, when I attempt to be authentic it seems to not go well.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Sanctus Iacobus's Avatar
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    Everyone is like this...


    It sounds melodramatic, but it's true. The only thing which sets one apart from another is how they satisfy their individual existence, their loneliness. The only thing which makes you different is that you think you are different.


    ...it's all in your head.

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