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  • high-stress acheiver

    5 45.45%
  • comfortably mediocre

    6 54.55%
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  1. #11
    (blankpages) Xenon's Avatar
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    I've mostly slacked off for much of my life. I don't relate at all to driven people. I see all they put themselves through and I can't imagine I'd ever have the will to put myself through that. But the way I'm living isn't making me happy either. Studies on happiness and satisfaction show that people feel best when they are involved an engaged in something, when they have challenge in their lives, when they have something to work toward or improve upon, when they do things that require some discipline. I have a very hard time motivating myself to do anything unpleasant, and that's been a real problem. I feel stagnant and trapped.

    I think it's possible to overdo it, and the amount and type of challenge that's best for you is different for different people. Attitude likely has a lot to do with whether you feel satisfied as well. Some people are constantly criticizing their own efforts, never feel like they're good enough no matter what, and feel guilty or restless if they let up for a bit or spend a day or two relaxing...that's got to get exhausting pretty fast.

  2. #12
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jwn86 View Post
    EJCC, do you think your being set to perform (and not feeling right if you dont) was something you were born with, or was that a value instilled in you during your upbringing? or developed later in life?
    I definitely didn't develop it later in life. It was probably from my upbringing. There's a theory, about Ones, that they tend to be a result of either unpredictable/authoritarian or lax parenting; i.e. that they make their own rules for themselves because their parents don't make consistent rules for them. I think that was the case for me, because I was always such a "good kid", that my parents never really needed to lay down the law, or give me very many explicit rules that I had to follow... which made it so jarring when they actually did lay down the law, that I did everything that I could to avoid that, by trying even harder to be a "good kid", by my own definition -- which came from god knows where, but has pretty much always involved doing well in school, working hard, getting good grades, being a good person, being there for people when they need me... generally living a valuable life. And living a valuable life means doing valuable things as often as possible. So... when I'm not doing valuable things, I feel bad.

    /rambling
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    Well, I know you mean well, jwn86, but your OP is kind of obnoxious. Mostly because you're pegging anybody who isn't trying to achieve a very narrowly defined version of success as 'mediocrity'. But you are searching, so kudo points for you. If you had to ask me, me feeling your vibe, it is quite possible that you will easily be a high achiever when it comes to anything involving status and trophy like achievements.

    If I were you, I'd follow your instincts. It's obvious there is more out there outside of your experience that you want to explore. Go do it, don't label what you're doing as 'mediocrity'. There is nothing mediocre about finding yourself.
    I echo those sentiments.

    Quote Originally Posted by jwn86 View Post
    My thinking exactly... but I will change it, I find the Fi people to be especially blunt and I need their input.
    Respectfully jw, how did you draw that conclusion about Fi? I have never heard the word 'blunt' used to describe 'I' instincts before. Are you talking about shadow functioning? Fi is in touch with its 'own' feelings and values; committed to its 'own' ideals. The focus is 'inward' not outward, which means Fi has a tendency to overlook other points of view and can sometimes be rigid. Don't get me wrong, Fi can be very sympathetic when it wants to be, but Fi is not the assertive, give a guy an honest critique function. A Te-dom maybe? An ExTJ will give you blunt.

  4. #14
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    reject the binary and things become more interesting.

    what i mean is, mediocrity seems to be an outside gauge of one's life. what actually matters is your perception of your life. what are these "achievements" you're talking about? are they school things, work things? i mean, i've won some awards that mean just about nothing to me - enough that i totally forget that i won them until i run across them - but then there's other things i've done that really have a big impact on my identity. to me, the former achievement doesn't matter, but the latter does. and the thing about the latter, is that because it's meaningful, it might be pressured, but it's not stressful in a bad way.

    to answer your question, i think to many i would appear an overachiever, but i've gone through a sort of transition. when i was young, i won tons of awards to please my parents and teachers. then as a teenager i was a classic rebel, even though i still overachieved. now i focus on the things i like to do, and don't do them for others. on one hand, i don't "win" as much - on the other hand, i've developed a big social circle and i've started pushing limits more. in some ways it's scary, but in other ways it feels like i'm coming home to myself. the other day i got a piercing done and it's funny because usually it takes you a while to get used to new things, but this felt more right than without it. it felt like i was supposed to be that way. that's when i know i've hit satisfaction - when i feel "at home" with whatever i'm doing, whether it's getting pierced or spending the morning flying over the atlantic or skydiving or doing your taxes. and then what i find, is that the recognition comes after that. things just start to fall in your lap, while you're having a good time. because you like it, so you work at it, so you're good at it, so people notice.

    so i guess it's trite but basically i try to live by doing whatever makes me feel like i'm coming home to myself. at one point when i was little i wrote it down in my diary as doing whatever "makes my soul sing". that's how i feel, when i'm being "good". though yes - i have a natural drive to push boundaries. it's not as extreme as some people's - i'm not constantly going after new things - but i do need a certain amount of challenge, or i get fidgety. i feel like it's some sort of homeostatic mechanism, really. too much action, i get cranky. i definitely got burnt out in high school doing an advanced program that had me typically writing two essays a night. but not enough action, and i do things like arrange trips to egypt. i feel like it's an internal balance. maybe your balance is just lower than others', if all that pushing makes you tired. do you understand what i mean when i say come home to yourself? because it's usually things that are rather energy-draining, but whatever they drain is left with that tired elated feeling. as opposed to being burnt out and feeling hollow.

    the other things is that in truth, we are all probably quite mediocre. with 6 billion + people on the earth, it's pretty easy to be average. i think what's important is the feelings of deep happiness and wholeness that can guide you, like a compass, to where you need to go next... even if it doesn't seem safe or easy. i think you can trust your inner self. if it says, slow down, this sucks, slow down. you are an ENTP, after all. i'd be rather surprised if you can go very long without much excitement.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Sanctus Iacobus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    I echo those sentiments.

    Respectfully jw, how did you draw that conclusion about Fi?
    Because you're both leveling your opinions of how you feel about me rather than how you feel about the topic?

    It's also why your opinions are valuable... because many people skip over that and answer the topic, yet the topic is because of me in the sense that it was my life and feelings that inspired me to make it, and that is what you focus on. Most people do not. Blunt is probably not the right word, although we've already established that word selection is not my forte.

    Do you mind sharing your sentiments, in your own expression?

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    reject the binary and things become more interesting.
    LOL, it sure might!! Because in terms of this topic, that would mean a ship's without a captain.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Sanctus Iacobus's Avatar
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    Even if you put a spectrum between the two, there would be a halfway point and you'd fall more towards one or the other.

  8. #18
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    LOL, it sure might!! Because in terms of this topic, that would mean a ship's without a captain.
    am i in my cabin, dreaming,
    or are they really scheming,
    to take my ship away from meeeee-eee-eee-eeeeeee?

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by jwn86 View Post
    Because you're both leveling your opinions of how you feel about me rather than how you feel about the topic?

    It's also why your opinions are valuable... because many people skip over that and answer the topic, yet the topic is because of me in the sense that it was my life and feelings that inspired me to make it, and that is what you focus on. Most people do not. Blunt is probably not the right word, although we've already established that word selection is not my forte.

    Do you mind sharing your sentiments, in your own expression?
    Haha. I'm not sure I understand your feeling comment. My sentiments were highlighted in a lovely shade of 'torch red' above. I don't mind replying in more depth, but I have to step away for a little bit. I will respond when I can.

  10. #20
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    A balance of both. Don't be so mediocre that you never go anywhere, do anything, or see anybody, but don't be such a high-stress achiever that you're acting like a fucking rat on a wheel.

    I go for balance. Big moves followed by long periods of just living.

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