I'm opting to write a semi-public, gut-bearing spectacle before I respond to you for real. The truth is, I've been wanting to write a personal letter for a while, not having anything to do with the kids, just a checkup on where we stand. I couldn't do this without a) patronizingly try to point out how better off we and the kids are now that we're apart b) make strong assumptions about what you're thinking in your silence and respond to those and likely alienate you and c) continue a pattern that gives an illusion of still being together.
Now it is a year later, and you're writing me a 'now it's a year later' letter. What I need to do in responding to you is to focus on the entire message, and take the little asides in stride. In typical form it is the first I've heard from you on the emotional level in a long time communicating something to me in the form of a listing of every bad thing you feel about our situation just to ask me to focus on doing something that's important to you and feeling guilty about it. Something that I needed a kick in the pants for anyway.
I have a lot of trouble with our relationship whenever I feel pressured to put it a 'normal' box. On one hand, we are over, and I no longer need to feel responsible for your feelings. On the other hand, you need to be emotionally healthy for our kids. On top of that, I am very fond of you, my feelings for you haven't changed; our togetherness was always more platonic than anything else. But, I'm sure that if and when you see that and if I act as if I feel around you, it'll hurt you more.
You are tired of living with your parents and not having anything of your own and still feeling dependent on me. I understand that. Part of the problem is that you are sacrificing to be able to homeschool the kids. Even though this is what you really want, and means would still be difficult if you got a teaching position instead, I still know it is a type of sacrifice. By law you own half of everything we've done together and I wish you understood that instead of feeling like you're taking handouts.
I can think of ways to fix this, the obvious start is to redouble efforts to get the house sold, there will only be a mortgage payment to be gained from it. But, that is keeping us both from being able to move ahead. And there are even more drastic ways of giving you what you need, a house. I am considering them. I just need to make sure that I'm not taking too deep a cut from my future.