Sorry, but I don't miss you, like, at all. In a way, I kind of pity you.
Have a great life!
Murphy Brown: What is it with us? Why can't we take the easy road once in awhile?
Avery Brown: Because it's boring and dishonest and uncomfortable, like wearing a pair of shoes all day that pinch your feet.
you are the only person i have ever really doorslammed. i feel like i ought to feel bad about it, but i don't, really. recently you invited me to your birthday party, but i looked into my mind and all i could hear was your condescension and attention whoring. it drove me away. there is a part of me that very much wants things to be fine between us, but there is another part of me that would be quite content to simply never interact with you again. maybe at some point i can overcome the latter part, but for right now it feels so comfortable to be disconnected. i never realized quite how uncomfortable you made me until i felt the ease of the lack of your presence. i don't know what to do, friend. i explained to you how i felt, but you denied the validity of my feelings. strange, for someone who also types herself ENFP. regardless, i hope you have taken our episode to heart and reconsidered the way you communicate, because i know it has driven more people than just me away.
I can't believe that although I wrote you an eight-page letter after you broke up with me basically telling you everything you'd done wrong, you still wanted to be friends with me in some form. That actually reflects better on you than I realised at the time, given that the letter was, I think, pretty condescending and probably pretty cruel. However, we've now been out of each others' lives for several years and I have no regrets about that. YOu see, I've realised that most people who want me back in their life would like that because of what they remember getting out of me (emotional support, blah blah blah) and not because they've taken my own feelings and wishes under consideration. So you know, it was actually a good feeling when I looked at your friend request on Facebook a while back and didn't get mad or upset, but just thought "Why would I want to be friends with him on FB? We haven't been in touch for years, why would FB change that? I feel nothing towards him, literally nothing, except if I think of certain things for long enough, a mild hostility returns." It may not reflect that well on me, but for an INFJ it's a great feeling, not to reconnect with someone who didn't you treat you well in the past (although that can sometimes happen under the right circumstances) but to get to the point where you feel nothing for them any more. You mean nothing to me any more except a learning experience. Hope you learned something too, though given what I've heard about your subsequent romantic history I have my doubts.
I hope you've not come here in the hope of inheriting my millions.
I enjoyed life to the fullest and spent it all.
Get a fucking job.
Only joking .. The house is going to the RSPCA.
I am laughing on the dark side.
If i die .. This is my last will and testiment. And i am of sound mind
Edit - Serious message.
Thanks. I'm laughing now.
“I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
― Georgia O'Keeffe
he's an asshole, he stole your shit and pawned it to pay for his own hobby and expects for you to support him for the years and years that it may take him to get a hit- and he treats you like you're only there to serve him. he's using you and you can do so much better than that... kick that asshole to the curb and get out! we have a spare room and I have connections and we would be HAPPY to help you out. you deserve better
Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom? -Terry Pratchett
I've tried speaking to you in a number of different ways over but I suppose a letter now wouldn't hurt. Sometimes you listen to me, sometimes you don't, but perhaps with a letter, you'll hear me again. I do so very much wish you could hear my voice more often.
I'm writing you this letter because I'm very concerned with the state of your well being as of late. I know that for the longest time you couldn't hear me at all. You were hurt a long time ago and allowed yourself to believe in a lie that bound you for such a long time. This lie led you to believe that you were worthless, that you weren't lovable.
You believed that you were alone, and that you always would be.
I've never understood why you allowed yourself to believe such a thing but you did and because you have such a big heart, you told yourself that it was your responsibility alone to deal with it. You this lie, this idea of your own insignificance, and you kept it to yourself because you felt that it was wrong to burden others with this, that it was wrong.
I tried telling you otherwise. I tried showing it to you, I tried shouting it to you, I tried screaming at the top of my lungs just how wrong you were but you couldn't hear me. As such, I had to watch you slowly wither away from within. You tried to be what they wanted you to be but you never realize, you couldn't realize, just how self-defeating it is to live for the sake of others.
It wasn't your loneliness had all but consumed you and you were in the hospital because your doctor had deemed you a danger to yourself...that you finally heard me. You finally understood your own self-worth, but it wasn't until after you had lost so much time and given up so much prior that you finally heard my voice.
I remember watching you with pride as you became the person I knew you could be, as you left the hospital and that ugly prison you had created for yourself far far behind. Do you remember those years? Your senior year in high school, just after you got out of the hospital? Your years in college? Those years were our first golden age, the happiest we had ever been. You had a bright future ahead of you, friends who cared about you, and you were in love.
Being in love...that I remember the most. I remember how you gave Jennifer all of the kindest parts of your soul. I remembered how much you loved her, how deeply you cared about her. She wasn't the one who saved you, she was just one of the ones who believed you the strongest.
Just like me.
I tried my best to guide you and you took to my lessons very well. You become strong, strong enough to where the warmth your own soul radiated out of you like a beacon and drew others toward you. You had long believed that people wouldn't ever loved you, and yet you never realized how much they truly did. I was so happy for you when you came to understand this for yourself.
About four years ago though something changed. Many of your friends, as people do in this life, moved away and you lost contact with them. You kept to your duties and pursued your hobbies, but that I think is when the loneliness started to creep back in. I think that was in you started to feel isolated again.
And, just like before, you chose to keep it to yourself.
This time however, you had my strength to keep you going. You quietly noted the gnawing isolation that was seeping into your soul but you could still hear my voice so you were able to endure it. I promised myself, and you, that I wouldn't leave you and that I'd always believe in you.
This started to change two years ago. Two years ago you took up a 2nd job because you had hoped you meet new people, to assuage your loneliness and buttress your own self-worth.
I was concerned about this course of action but felt it wouldn't hurt, that perhaps you could establish a new circle of friends, something of which I knew you needed as at that time you had no real friends to speak of.
I shouldn't speak too badly of the past two years as some good has come of it. You did make the friends you sought, even if they aren't as close to you as you might like. You picked up a new hobby and discovered parts of yourself that I knew you had in you but that it would take a pretty girl to force you to see for yourself (as it has often been in the history of your life ).
You also fell in love again.
However....a lot of bad has resulted as well, bad things that has compelled me to write you this letter. While you did discover the above, your loneliness only grew. Instead of listening to me though, you tried once again to be what they wanted you to be. You kept telling yourself that if you work harder, that if you try to be nicer or more gracious then maybe they would want you around.
I watched you make the same mistakes that you did before and just like before, you stopped listening to me.
I watched you go out and try to be the best that you could be and succeed in doing exactly that...only to come home to an empty apartment and have no one to speak to you. I remember how much you wanted someone to say something to you, to keep you company, to connect with you.
I watched as this rarely happened, and I was powerless to do anything while you suffered.
But that isn't the worst thing that happened. Oh no, the worst thing came as a result of you trying so hard to live as others would have you live: You forgot who you were. You lost yourself, and try to have others fill the void that was within you now.
I tried speaking to you about it but you've only begun recently to hear me again. You've all but stopped working at your second job, which I am glad for as the time you have now is time that you very much need. However you have lost yourself now, and you don't remember how to simply be anymore.
So, now that you are listening to me again, please hear my words. Please understand them and take them to heart, for your well being is and has always been my chief concern. I have always wanted the best for you and I always will.
You are not alone. You never have been. You have always had friends who love and depend on you, you have always had people around you. You have so much to offer someone and I wish you could understand how much of a crime it was that you hold so much of yourself back.
I know why you do it, of course. You're afraid of getting hurt. You're afraid being judged, and being found weak or undesirable. What you fail to understand is how truly strong your core being is and how desirable it would make you, how much it would draw people toward you. I know you often feel like nobody wants you, that your affection is some how a curse or bane that repels people away form you. I know how often you cry when you're home alone at night because you feel like nobody wants to talk to you. I know how guilty and how ashamed you feel because of your pain. "Men don't act like this" you tell yourself, "People don't want this from a guy."
So you keep your pain to yourself, not knowing that the people around you will listen to you...if you would just talk to them. Your loved ones can't know you're suffering if you don't show it.
You have nothing to be ashamed off, nothing to feel guilty for. You are a human being and desiring the presence of those you care about, desiring a connection with another soul is a perfectly normal thing. You are not wrong to be sad over your inability to establish this connection as often or as long as you'd like. You are not wrong for wanting to be loved, to be recognized for who you are. All humans beings desire these things.
Now that you have time for yourself again, maybe you'll start listening to me more often. Maybe you'll start to understand how much you need to rediscover yourself again and how much you've neglected yourself. Maybe then you'll realize how much you deserve to love yourself, to fair to yourself, to care just as much about yourself as you so willing care for others. You deserve this so much.
Remember what you felt when you were in the hospital, remember what it was like and remember what you realized. I will guide you as best I can, but I can't do this alone. I need you to work with me again. If you do so, I promise you that you'll be happy. I promise you that you'll start to realize how much your friends love you and need you. I'll show you again just how lovable you truly are.
I will always be here for you, just as I was then. Take care of yourself. I mean that.
-The part of you that you really should listen too more often.
"There is no such thing as spare time, no such thing as down time, no such thing as free time, there is only life time. Go."
― Henry Rollins
I appreciated you cleaning out the garage fridge today. I hate the actual fridge washing part and you did it without being asked. Which is an even bigger plus. Also when you came up behind and felt me up and kissed my neck me while I was brushing my teeth and said...
“Can I wear the scream mask…The mask from scream, when I do you from behind?"
made me love you even more. I like sex with the funny and a quote from Eastbound and Down is a slam dunk.
I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.