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  1. #11
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    erm: *finishes candy, throws wrapper on the ground*
    God: *clears throat*
    erm: *picks up wrapper, puts it in nearby bin*

  2. #12
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    This isn't hypothetical:

    God: Blah blah blah blah
    Me: What? Do what these dried crusty people tell me and preach to everybody?
    God: No! Blah blah blah blah.
    Me: Huh? You're a figment of the collectives imagination?
    God: Blah!
    Me: Read lots of C.S. Lewis? Get baptized? Learn Hebrew? Study Kabbalah? Oh, take my fingers out of ears..
    God: Yeah! Just chill out, you're making ME nervous.

  3. #13
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bobble View Post
    Place:

    One week later inside a Super Wall-Mart restroom.

    Conversation:

    God: Dam it, there's no toilet paper in here. Do you think you can pass me some of yours?
    Me: Sure, here you go.
    *passing toilet paper under stall*
    God: Thank you.
    *suddenly a huge thunderous smelly ass fart rocks the walls and stalls*
    Me: Sorry about that.
    God: You know who they're going to blame for that one.
    Me: I still can't believe you just let those guys kick my ass and rob me man!
    God: I can't believe you just farted thunder!? The only other person besides me who can do that is my son Jesus...hmmm, what was your mothers name again?
    Me: How dare you, my mother is a saint!
    God: *shit, I hope not!*
    Me: I heard that? God, why did I hear that!?
    Jesus: HALf-BROTHERS!
    God:
    holy shit.

  4. #14
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Fluffywolf walks around and casually runs into God and stops in his tracks.
    Fluffywolf: ...
    God: ...
    Fluggywolf: ...
    God: ...
    Fluffywolf: ...
    God: ...
    Fluffywolf picks up his pace again and moves on.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  5. #15
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bobble View Post
    Religious people call that voice God. That's the voice that tells preachers what they should base their sermons on. Aren't you glad its there. it's not in a book, it's not in the sky and it is not coming out of some else's mouth. It comes from you. It doesn't know where we come from because it started in you and it doesn't know where we go after this because it's following you. It goes where you go and it ends when you end. That your version of "God". Post one of these conversations on here.

    What do you guys talk about and what do your conversations sound like?
    i know they call that voice god, thats why i replied like that in conversations with god topic .

    well maybe the strongest "conversation" was when i had a sleep paralysis and saw some old dude at my bedroom door(didnt know about sleep paralysis at the time, so i was really scared). i was thinking it wants my soul and i might die and go to hell or something like that, could do anything(as i was paralyzed), so i just gave up, then it went away.

    i interpreted(years later when i learned about jungian dream analysis) it like something like this:

    God: hey, you really gotta do something, you only live once and you might lose this life any time
    Me: shiiit, i guess you are right, maybe i need to try bit harder
    God: good
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

    Read

  6. #16
    Senior Member uncommonentity's Avatar
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    Me: Sup man?
    God: I'm not a man I'm God lol
    Me: How much would it take for you to suck Satan's dick?
    God: What?
    Me: Yeah, like how much money would it take for you to suck his dick...
    God: I'd do that shit for free lol
    Veni, Vidi, Cessi.

  7. #17
    Senior Member redcheerio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bobble View Post
    Place:

    My house. He dropped Jesus off for my sons b-day pool party.

    Conversation:

    Me: What's up Jesus, ready for some swimming?
    Jesus: Yeah, bye dad!
    God: Is it cool if I leave him here and pick him up around 5?
    Me: Sure, he'll be fine here.
    God: If anything happens, call me.
    Me: O.K. but let me get your number, I don't have it.
    God: I don't have a number, just pray, I will hear it.
    Me: You hear every prayer?
    God: Yup, why?
    Me: Why?! That night I prayed "Dear God please don't let these guys kick my ass or rob me" remember that prayer?
    God: Oh....ahh...so 5 o'clock is fine?
    Me: They kicked my ass AND robbed me!
    God: Yeah but it was a miracle they didn't kill you right? So you're welcome?
    Me: *What a dick*
    God: I heard that.
    Me: I know because I prayed it and yeah 5 is fine.
    Quote Originally Posted by YourLocalJesus View Post
    Hey, quit making shit up! I didn't do or say any of those things
    Quote Originally Posted by Bobble View Post
    ...LIAR!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Bobble View Post
    Place:

    One week later inside a Super Wall-Mart restroom.

    Conversation:

    God: Dam it, there's no toilet paper in here. Do you think you can pass me some of yours?
    Me: Sure, here you go.
    *passing toilet paper under stall*
    God: Thank you.
    *suddenly a huge thunderous smelly ass fart rocks the walls and stalls*
    Me: Sorry about that.
    God: You know who they're going to blame for that one.
    Me: I still can't believe you just let those guys kick my ass and rob me man!
    God: I can't believe you just farted thunder!? The only other person besides me who can do that is my son Jesus...hmmm, what was your mothers name again?
    Me: How dare you, my mother is a saint!
    God: *shit, I hope not!*
    Me: I heard that? God, why did I hear that!?
    Jesus: HALf-BROTHERS!
    God:


    I'm sorry, but those are going to be difficult to one-up. It might be awhile before you hear from any other ENTPs in this thread. (...assuming you're one too, amirite? )

    <God: Yep. Those ENTPs are a pain in the ass... What was I thinking when I created them that way?? >

  8. #18
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  9. #19
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Me: So, what's with all those versions of the Bible?
    God: Don't look at me - I didn't write that shit.

  10. #20
    Ginkgo
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    God: Knock knock!
    Me: Who's there?
    God: No one. You have no friends.










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