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  1. #11
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    A perennial topic this is.

    I've read lots of research on how certain "dark" personality traits do actually make people more popular, initially at least. They also tend to make it harder for the person to maintain a relationship than the average person. But to us outsiders, we will mainly see the snapshot of his or her popularity with all the people that are only superficially known.
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  2. #12
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    I'd be curious why it even matters. Popularity is kind of meaningless in that it's usually fleeting unless people pretzel themselves to consistently appeal. Engage with people who you like and don't engage with those you don't.

  3. #13
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    I did not mean to say that all popular people are assholes (it seems to me you understood my post like that).

    1. The people I mean treat people who they see "below them" without respect, insult them and what not, thinking they are something better. Regarding the "nerd kids", I saw very mixed behaviours. Some were like you said very hostile to other people (although I find this is not always without reason), some seem to be awkward about it and don't really seem to know what to do with it, and some are rather open but without self-confidence and so may be passive.
    2. That it is easier to gain economic benefits when you are egoistic in your behaviour is rather obvious, yeah. This is not what I was going on for though.

    3. "conversely, people who are passive are not likely to be popular because everyone knows that they're pathetic and too weak to get anything done." I cannot lie that I find this statement rather disgruntling. Such kinds of judgements are not really my way of how I think and judge people. I never understood why some people have this attitude. Possibly I might fit myself for you in this area of passive pathetic people anyway though (before it swings back, my self-image looks a little different) and probably I am just envious in your opinion...

    4. Yes, that may be true in some cases, I mean though douchebags which indeed don't seem to suffer any bad reputation although they behave like douchebags.

    5. Yes, that might be possible in many cases and might be a key point. It would make sense. However not standing up against one asshole is one thing, but hanging around with or even supporting the same person is another thing I would guess. I could imagine that those people want to profit from the lobby (or lets better say authority) the asshole has for themselves in some way too.

    6. Well, I don't live in America, but this is pretty true for most countries I would think.
    1) people like that are "popular" because they are tyrants. it's like I said, no one has had the guts to stand up to them and say "sit yo ass down!". people try to appease them when around them for fear of various wrathful consequences. however, these people usually end up getting murdered in their sleep
    2) that is another reason they seem popular. people tend to admire you when you're economically well off, if only for that
    3) fair enough, but the fact of the matter is, being successful is almost impossible without being assertive. passive people look to appease others (win loose) and are unwilling to stand up for themselves or go throught necessary confrontation. aggressive people seek to win at any cost and are willing to bully and oppress to get what they want (win, loose). assertive people look out for both parties needs and insist on communicating until the needs of both people are met (win/win or no deal). assertive people get success, aggressive people get short term success, passive people get stomped on because they have no power. such is the way of the world
    4) that's usually because they hang out with other douche bags just like them or are simply imbeciles (never underestimate the power of human stupidity)
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  4. #14
    Senior Member guesswho's Avatar
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    Confident assholes are popular. They are narcissistic and have this entitlement thing. They give little, and get a lot.

    Insecure assholes on the other hand...are anything but popular.

  5. #15
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    Confidence, man, confidence. It turns a lot of folks on or at least the "asshole" becomes a magnet for many people. I just remembered thinking the popular "assholes" were quite amusing. One even took pride on how he got voted the biggest "asshole" by the girls. Lol. I think it was all a front though.

    It seemed like one could get away with acting like an "asshole" and be popular more by being entertaining, being part of a prized/"cool" activity, or being seen as "attractive".

    On the other hand, acting like an "asshole" could be indicative of fake confidence.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    This topic lacks a definition of "popularity."

    "Popularity is the quality of being well-liked or common, or having a high social status." Someone at wikipedia wrote that. Now you might say that wikipedia isn't the dictionary, but for this case, I think it's a good (superior) source to the dictionary because it reflects the broad range of meaning that people actually use the word for.

    By definition, someone who screws someone over won't be a trustworthy or popular person in the long run, at least according to the first half of the definition. But I've certainly met people who, in the short term, are appealing, make lots of friends, and people seem to surround them, but once you dig a little deeper you find out that there are a lot of people that don't like them at all for what they've done in the long run.

    Of course, there are a lot of people, that subjectively, at least, are perfectly fine, and they have their own groups of enemies.

    I wouldn't focus so much on the popularity aspect. What's important is: what are they known for? What do they do?

    And consider what popularity really means or how it might manifests. Unless all you want is attention, having some desperate fanboy/girl who clings on to you isn't really appealing. Unless you manipulate them to get something from them. And then, we've come full circle, and you're an asshole.
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  7. #17
    violaine
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    In line with my definition of A-hole, I think the A-hole is often being used for their presumed popularity. In the situations I've observed, the people drawn to the A-hole are a little weak or deficient in some way. They're shy or socially inept or insecure but the real deficiency to my mind is that they seem easily impressed by 'talk'.

    Or at least they don't seem to have a BS detector, or perhaps detecting BS isn't as important to them as becoming part of something they perceive as stronger than themselves. In any case, it's rarely a meeting of equals. It's usually one diva and his/her band of sycophants. It is a symbiotic relationship though because they are using the 'cachet' of the A-hole to feel better about themselves.

    I think these relationships last as long as there is no evening out in social standing. If the needy people figure out the A-hole is just that, or that they can talk themselves up in the same manner, or that the A-hole doesn't really value them, then the spell is broken. I have seen this so many times.

    [There again, I liked an A-hole once because he had a great sense of humor and was different with me (lol!) A killer sense of humor is the only reason I can see myself being within the circle of someone like that. I *know* that it fizzled because I wasn't easily glimmered by all that sleight of hand/not much to back it up BS.]

  8. #18
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    In my experience the most popular people are confident in themselves and friendly with people. They support their friends, joke with them, listen.

  9. #19
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Why are the biggest assholes often also the most popular people?
    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    A perennial topic this is.

    I've read lots of research on how certain "dark" personality traits do actually make people more popular, initially at least. They also tend to make it harder for the person to maintain a relationship than the average person. But to us outsiders, we will mainly see the snapshot of his or her popularity with all the people that are only superficially known.
    Quote Originally Posted by guesswho View Post
    Confident assholes are popular. They are narcissistic and have this entitlement thing. They give little, and get a lot.

    Insecure assholes on the other hand...are anything but popular.
    I like Magic Poriferan's response a lot. People who develop relationships that are sustained over time do not tend to be assholes - at least in the way that I would define it.

    Do the gifts of confidence, charisma, charm and related characteristics lead more commonly to someone being an asshole? It might be more visible or they may affect more people because others are taken in by them but I'm not sure they are any more likely to be an asshole than someone who doesn't have these characteristics.

    Of course, there is the question as to what you really mean by "asshole".

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  10. #20
    Glycerine
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    Also, people will swarm around assholes because they may get something out of it (fame,connections, resources, drugs). As a result, they seem popular but, in fact, nobody really likes them.

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