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  1. #21
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    When is it appropriate to burn bridges?
    Enneagram: 5w4 5-9-2 (5w4 9w1 2w1) sp/so

    "Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience." - Greg King
    The worst mistake people make in political arguments is assuming that the other side is not trying to do the right thing. This simple oversight makes productive conversation nearly impossible.

  2. #22
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    HIIII!

    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    haha yeah I'm not gay, it was hypothetical but i'd love to go get coffee with you. I can be a pretend lesbian, though i don't know how.


    Do I hear another question??

    1) Wear lots of plaid
    2) Wear ugly, functional shoes like work boots
    3) Listen to A LOT of Ani Difranco.

    That's a good start.

    Good luck, grasshopper!

    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    When is it appropriate to burn bridges?
    Let me preface this by saying that I myself am not a big bridge burner. Even if I choose never to go back across again, I generally like to keep them up. You never know when there will be a fire on your island and you have to run to another out of necessity. Then again, I'm an ENFP and an SO primary. I like being part of 'my group' and I like relationships.

    Also, I assume that you have an established relationship with the person, either neighbor, friend, co-worker, organization, etc. in question before you can burn a bridge. It's not possibly in my opinion to burn bridges with strangers because there's no bridge to begin with. So feel free to flip off that driver who cut you off before you exit or throw your burning hot coffee on the other customer who insulted your choice of hat wear that day. While possibly antisocial, these examples are certainly not "bridge burning".

    But, if you do have a bridge and you are thinking about building a bridge, ask yourself the following questions.

    1) Do you need to interact with this person again?

    This question is straight forward. You can always find another hairstylist or accountant. Not so much for sisters and especially not for co-workers where the work flow is set up so you MUST work with this person unless you do something drastic like quit your job. The more integral someone is the more effort it takes to take them out of your life. If you can reasonably say this is person can go - CHECK HERE [NO]

    2) Do you WANT to interact with this person again?

    If you are in the grips of emotion or still in the middle of , take a moment to calm down. Bridge burning should be avoided as much as possible until you have a cool, collected head and objectively thought about the situation. Why don't you want to interact with this person or entity again? Was it really this person's 'fault' or where they more a messenger or small part of a larger situation which you are railing against? Are they really such a bad person, or just a little socially awkward or unintentionally grating? Does it matter it to you? For some people *intent* and a person's capacity mean a lot, for others, it's just about the actions and how much they piss you off. If you have thought about it, consulted the stars and religious advisors, and googled the hell out of it and you STILL never want to interact with the person again, then CHECK HERE. With anger [HELL NO]

    3) Can you live with the residual effects of burning this bridge? Meaning being invited to the same social events, having mutual friends, working in a similar field, etc?

    Think carefully what the after effects of burning this bridge will be. How wide are the repercussions and how serious? Will you regret this decision? Will you miss this person or organization? Will this start a domino effect or can it be contained? These are the questions you really need to ask. It may be appropriate or desired to burn a bridge but often people do not want to deal with the after effects or do not want to deal with the trauma of it. If all this don't mean a thang to you [CHECK HERE [YES]


    4) BONUS POINT - Will this greatly add to your short and long term peace of mind, happiness, and moral rectitude?

    A moment of haste can make you feel great now and doubly fufill that 'naughty' urge for vengeance. However, a 3 second telling off can have terrible lingering consequences that you can never undo. Or, it can herald a new chapter in your life, where you liberated yourself from the presence of a toxic, draining, or just sucky person. Some people need to be GONE from your life because they simply will suck the life out of you. Same for certain employers, volunteer agencies, etc. Burning a bridge can also be a sign of moral standards if the person is hurtful or criminal you're basically shunning them, cutting them off from another potential enabler or victim and taking a visible stand against this person and the negative element they represent to you. I always urge you not to do the opposite, which would be turning your back on someone who is doing the right thing. Whistleblowers often get shunned, the ones who are to often the lone voice of moral reason in a pack of yes men. Don't burn bridges with these people just because they are unpopular, make connections and become stronger as a unit. SO - if you can say burning this bridge will add an overall improvement and make a positive stand in your life - CHECK HERE [YES]

    Hope that helps, honestly for me if a person pisses me off enough I go into primal rage mode and I don't care about any of that ^^. LOL. Buuut, since you asked I thought I'd write how I *think* you should go about it to determine when it's *appropriate*.


    MOOOOOAR QUESCHAWNNN!
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

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    Johari/Nohari

  3. #23
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I sort of like ani difranco and plaids comfy and i usually only wear sensible shoes
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  4. #24
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I sort of like ani difranco and plaids comfy and i usually only wear sensible shoes
    You're halfway there
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  5. #25
    Alexander the Terrible yenom's Avatar
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    I'll make you straight again Cze Cze!!
    The fear of poverty turns people into slaves of money.

    "In this Caesar there are many Mariuses"~Sulla

    Conquer your inner demons first before you conquer the world.

  6. #26
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    do you prefer puppies or kitties?
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

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