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  1. #141
    man-made neptunesnet's Avatar
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    And freeeekyyy, that's disgusting.

  2. #142
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I
    4. Not having to worry about walking alone, at night, in the dark.:
    I don't know about you, but I had to fight off La Chusa, killer dobermans, angry druglords, drunk skinheads, Karina refugees, rescuing the farmer's daughter from her dad.. in addition to being thrown into cheesy 80's movie action sequences, hiding in parking garages and shit. Being a man in the dark is hard work.

  3. #143
    figsfiggyfigs
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    I wish I was a man.

  4. #144
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    Being able to lift the weight of the average human above my head.

    Pee standing up.

    Parallel parking.

    Innate sense of direction.

    Can end a fight if I need to.

    It's kinda like being this guy...



    I solve problems.

    And aging better!

  5. #145
    garbage
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    Parallel parking.
    I still never bothered to get this one down

  6. #146
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    psh, i've been able to parallel park since i was 15.

    have to hand it to you guys though, i really wish i could pee standing up.

  7. #147
    don't fence me in sui generis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    psh, i've been able to parallel park since i was 15.
    I agree! I went to a high school that didn't have a parking lot, so I learned how to parallel park real quick. The stereotype about women being bad drivers is bullshit.
    Murphy Brown: What is it with us? Why can't we take the easy road once in awhile?
    Avery Brown: Because it's boring and dishonest and uncomfortable, like wearing a pair of shoes all day that pinch your feet.

    approx 55% ES, 90% TJ

  8. #148
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    Thought these were pretty good.

    0. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    1. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
    2. You know stuff about tanks.
    3. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
    4. Monday Night Football
    5. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
    6. Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter.
    7. Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
    8. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
    9. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
    10. Your ass is never a factor in job interviews.
    11. All your orgasms are real.
    12. A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.
    13. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into the boards).
    14. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
    15. You understand why Stripes is funny.
    16. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
    17. Your last name stays put.
    18. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
    19. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
    20. You can kill your own food.
    21. The garage is all yours.
    22. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    23. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
    24. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
    25. You never have to clean a toilet.
    26. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
    27. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
    28. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    29. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
    30. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
    31. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
    32. You don't have to shave below your neck.
    33. None of your coworkers have the power to make you cry.
    34. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
    35. If you're 34 and single, nobody notices.
    36. You can write your name in the snow.
    37. You can get into a non-trivial pissing contest.
    38. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
    39. Chocolate is just another snack.
    40. You can be president. ( In this lifetime).
    41. You can quietly enjoy a care ride from the passenger's seat.
    42. Flowers fix everything.
    43. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
    44. You get to think about sex 90 percent of your waking hours.
    45. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
    46. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
    47. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
    48. You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not worry about what people will think.
    49. Foreplay is optional.
    50. Michael Bolton doesn't exist in your universe.
    51. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
    52. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
    53. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.
    54. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
    55. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    56. You don't give a rat's ass if anyone notices your new haircut.
    57. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking he must be mad at me.
    58. The world is your urinal.
    59. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.
    60. You get to jump and slap stuff.
    61. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
    62. One mood, all the time!
    63. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
    64. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy
    65. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
    66. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you're wearing.
    67. Same work.....more pay!
    68. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
    69. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
    70. Wedding dress: $2,000; Tuxedo rental: $75.
    71. You don't care if someone's talking behind your back.
    72. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
    73. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
    74. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
    75. The remote control is yours and yours alone.
    76. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
    77. ESPN's SportCenter.
    78. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
    79. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers!!
    80. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
    81. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
    82. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
    83. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friend you've changed.
    84. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
    85. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Fuck it."
    86. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
    87. Princess Di's death was just another obituary.
    88. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
    89. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
    90. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
    91. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the wall.
    92. New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet.
    93. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
    94. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
    95. Not liking a person doesn't preclude having great sex with them.
    96. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
    97. Baywatch
    98. There's always a game on somewhere.

  9. #149
    Cheeseburgers freeeekyyy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by neptunesnet View Post
    And freeeekyyy, that's disgusting.
    What can I say? Inferior Se...



    I know, I know, lousy excuse. I'm just a bad person.
    You lose.

    _______

    RCOEI
    Melancholic-Choleric
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    Johari Window|Nohari Window

  10. #150
    Member Kuthtuk's Avatar
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    "If one key opens various locks then its a master key, if a lock is opened by many keys its a busted lock"

    Damn I love being a man =D
    "Try and fail, try again and fail better!"

    E67% N84% T67% P95% (Procastination FTW, begining next monday)

    "It's not bad gammar, it's a sexy brasilian accent"

    R12:21

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