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  1. #1
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Default Bitching to Bitch

    Probably the most irritating thing I come across is people that bitch just to bitch. And I'm not saying that I am always an overflowing cup of optimism, I definately am not. Infact, I am quite critical.. more so than I wish to be. But I think that if your going to lay out a problem, carry on and on about how much a problem it is, but then FAIL to offer up some kind of solution or tear down others solutions, then your a turd. Same goes for ideas and plans. If you think an idea is off, don't just explain why the idea isn't going to work, but give some ALTERNATIVE and explain why its better. Even if the idea is 'we do nothing' which will probably not fit with the problem in the first place. I wonder if anyone else gets terribley annoyed with this? Is it more common in Ne dom? Now I know someone is going to come along and say "people need to vent sometimes, they are not looking for answers, only to be heard." And thats fine, if your venting to someone that doesn't mind just listening to negative ramblings. But I don't think that many people really enjoy doing this. I think this is more suited for a shrink, that you pay to listen to your bitching. Then again, if its a good shrink they will probably want to find a solution also, or atleast treat your bitching symptom with a high dose of prozak.

    Does any one else get INCREDIBLY irritated with the debbie downers and idea critics? What does the fact that this bothers me so much mean?

    My solution to this problem? People STOP bitching just to bitch.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    there's a recent thread about this from the opposite perspective. it may help you understand a bit more about it...the way i as an enfp was able to understand it was just that they are feeling out loud...like you think out loud...realizing that it's just their way of processing those emotions...they're not yet conclusive...and their intent is not to be all woes is me about it. think of yourself brainstorming...thinking out something to gain more understanding...to decide what course of action to take...realize that it may annoy a ti person because to them you haven't put any thought into it and are just talking out of your ass...you know? it's the same but in reverse.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    there's a recent thread about this from the opposite perspective. it may help you understand a bit more about it...the way i as an enfp was able to understand it was just that they are feeling out loud...like you think out loud...realizing that it's just their way of processing those emotions...they're not yet conclusive...and their intent is not to be all woes is me about it. think of yourself brainstorming...thinking out something to gain more understanding...to decide what course of action to take...realize that it may annoy a ti person because to them you haven't put any thought into it and are just talking out of your ass...you know? it's the same but in reverse.


    This sounds like another Fi vs. Fe vent.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  4. #4
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    So, Huxley, what's your solution to fixing the problems that cause them to rant, besides telling them to shut up in a negative manner? Or are you just bitching to bitch?

    The way I see it is the minute you extrovert anything internal, be prepared for an opposing opinion.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    I don't know if I was succint enough on my point. When I come across people that are having a hard time (emotionally) and say things like "I feel like shit today, I'm getting a cold, my kid threw up on me, and on top of it I got a flat".. that is one thing.. there is really no solution to be found.. you cant change the hands of time.. and I understand this venting..

    or more abstract problems.. like "i have a problem with my boyfriend, he does this this and that, and i cant figure out how to change it. it really upsets me.. blah blah blah" okay.. i can understand this too.. because the person is in a searching process for solution..

    I'm talking about this conversation.. almost exact verbatum between my boyfriend (we've lived together 4 yrs)
    and I... and it happens ALOT

    Me: What do you want to do tonight?
    BF: I dunno.
    Me: We should get out of the house.. Let's see.. we could go to the bar and play pool, we could go bowling, we could hang out at barnes and nobles and read some books we can't afford right now, we could go to a movie..
    BF: I hate bars.
    Me: We dont have to get trashed, we could just have a drink or not even drink and play pool?
    BF: *crickets*
    Me: What about bowling? That could be fun! Its like right down the street and they have a rate special 2nite
    BF: I suck at bowling.
    Me: You do not suck at bowling! But ya know, doing it sometimes will make you better
    BF: I don't want to go bowling.
    Me: Okay, what about a movie? Oooo! That one movie came out, with so and so, I have some free tickets from work!
    BF: I don't feel like sitting in a dirty movie theatre watching a move.. I can watch a movie at home.
    Me: So what you really mean is that you just don't want to go out?
    BF: Not neccissarily...
    Me: Okay then, what are some of your suggestions?
    Bf: I dunno.
    WTF!!!!!

    Or this conversation from work on break

    Co-worker: I'm in a terrible mood, I think my bf is cheating on me...
    Me: Why?! I'm sorry. What makes you think that?
    Co-worker: He's been texting his old girlfriend.. I've been checking his messages...
    Me: Have you confronted him about it?
    Co-worker: He'll just lie. He's like that.
    Me: Maybe its nothing. I've texted old boyfriends just as friends.. you know X's are X's for a reason...
    Co-worker: No, I'm pretty sure.
    Me: Well, what are you going to do about it? That has to be really hard.. I don't think I could function if I thought that. You've got to get to the bottom of it. This is obviously tearing you up..
    Co-worker: Theres no point, I cant prove it but I know..
    Me: Maybe you need to go to couples counseling? I've heard that can really help people. Could you forgive him if he was?
    Co-worker: No way! Thats bullshitt.
    Me: So would you leave him?
    Co-worker: I cant leave him.. I am not losing my house.
    Me: Maybe you could keep the house
    Co-worker: I could never afford it alone
    Me: You could look at roomates or getting a 2nd job
    Co-worker: Did roomates years ago, not doing it again..
    Me: So your just going to stay with him and let this continue?
    Co-worker: What else can I do?
    Me: Confront him, make sure your even right in the firt place? Get counseling? Decide the house isnt worth being this unhappy? There are alot of things you can do, people do them all the time.
    CO worker: I'll just stick it out... maybe I'll be able to catch him red-handed eventually...
    Me: But then what? You'll still have to live with it, work on it, or leave right?
    Co worker: Oh ya, and the other day he did this this and that... (totally passes any solution)
    This problem continues for MONTHS .. every time I see co-worker she has new scenarios to bitch about.. but refuses to resolve.

    WTF!!!
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  6. #6
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    So, Huxley, what's your solution to fixing the problems that cause them to rant, besides telling them to shut up in a negative manner? Or are you just bitching to bitch?

    The way I see it is the minute you extrovert anything internal, be prepared for an opposing opinion.
    Yes, stop bitching to bitch was my first solution. But I'm open to other alternatives =)
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  7. #7
    ThatGirl
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    This thread is stupid. I didn't even read it.

  8. #8
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNemeVTpK_M&feature=related"].[/YOUTUBE]
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  9. #9
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    Yes, stop bitching to bitch was my first solution. But I'm open to other alternatives =)
    I just read your two examples in post#5 and laughed out loud! Your BF was just feeling pissy and your co-worker wasn't prepared to take any action...yet.

    Solution for BF: I would have left him at home and either found a friend to play with or gone out by myself.
    Solution for Co-worker: "Okay. Sorry you feel so bad but I've got to run. When you're ready to take some action, you know where to find me. ((hugs))"

  10. #10
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    I just read your two examples in post#5 and laughed out loud! Your BF was just feeling pissy and your co-worker wasn't prepared to take any action...yet.

    Solution for BF: I would have left him at home and either found a friend to play with or gone out by myself.
    Solution for Co-worker: "Okay. Sorry you feel so bad but I've got to run. When you're ready to take some action, you know where to find me. ((hugs))"
    I think your right. The only way to resolve my problem with those that bitch to bitch, is to escape the bitching. Easier done with co-workers and aquaintences. I still don't understand what motivates people to do this. Round and Round they go in the bitch process... I mean, I JUST. DONT. GET. IT. When I have a problem I want it resolved. The sooner the better. If I need an outlet for negative crap then I run, or do yoga, or drink a bottle of wine and cook, or post crap like this on typology so others can bitch about me bitching about the bitchers =) LOL.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

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