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  1. #1
    Rubber Nipple Salesperson ladypinkington's Avatar
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    Default Discipline and type

    I can't help but have parenting topics on my mind right now,lol.

    I have currently been running the scenario of what type of discipline is most effective to use on a child- and I know it must be different for every child and perhaps there are things to consider when you involve type.

    For example- sending an introverted child to their room to be alone doesn't seem like it would be effective- but an extroverted child I could see being very effective.

    The T types of children seem like they would be most complicated to me to find effective ways to discipline with- they seem most challenging as in being able to reach. F's seem like they would be complicated because they are more fragile and it is probably harder to determine their thresholds.

    I was curious what people found to be the most effective form of discipline for them either and or both personally themselves and or with their children and how they have found knowing type comes into play.

    What are the things one should consider when adding type to the mix?
    What have people observed from personal experience both on the giving and receiving end?
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  2. #2
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladypinkington View Post
    I can't help but have parenting topics on my mind right now,lol.
    It is only understandable in your "state" of being.

    I think when your child is growing up you learn to understand him/her. Then you can analyze what would be the best ways to discipline them. MBTI typing certainly helps in that but remember that it is impossible to tell the type of young children.

    Getting enough sleep, food, lap time is the most important for the small ones. The "requirements" of a child grow little by little when they grow up so you'll have time to catch up with what they want and need for their growth.

    What I have had to learn with the children is to say "no". It was the most difficult for me to learn because I wanted my children to be happy and I thought with negative things they wouldn't be. But children are happy if they know what are the rules and the boundaries.

    One way to discipline your children is the "naughty steps" from the age when the children learn to associate their behavior to the punishment. The naughty step means that the child is put to sit somewhere for a while (one minute per one year of age so 5 minutes for 5 year old children).

    Hope you got something out of this post because it seems a bit disordered (just like I am). But the main thing here is that you have time to learn to know your child and to adjust your behavior with them.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Vortex's Avatar
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    I have absolutely no experience whatsoever in child-rearing, but from what I remember as a child, the only thing I would respect was a logical reason why I wasn't allowed to do something. Then I'd argue. I wouldn't get my way, but I'd respect it. Any disciplinary action, angry outbursts or prohibition that wasn't explained helped build extreme resentment and coldness on my part. Just a thought. I'm not sure what form of discipline actually worked on me, other than appealing to my conscience and explaining to me the consequences of my actions. Sitting in "the corner of shame" (time-out) or occasionally getting smacked certainly didn't work (one gave me time to plan revenge, the other ensured it).

  4. #4
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    I generally wanted to please my parents. I wanted a good relationship with them and would usually take the initiative to preserve it. My dad tells a story about when I was 4 and he spanked me for something. I was crying, but I crawled up in his lap and threw my arms around him and told him I'd forgive him.

    The greatest incentive for good behavior, in my case, was knowing that my parents were depending on me and trusting me to do what was right. When I did do wrong, it was usually because I didn't realize they would disapprove. Having them explain to me why I should behave differently was usually a good way to keep me from doing it in the future. They seemed to understand this and I feel like they did a good job parenting me.

    I've been told that when I was very young my stubborn streak was particularly pronounced. I think it caused more problems for my ISFJ mom than my ENFJ dad. If I remember correctly, it tended to show up when my mother would answer, "Because I said so!" rather than hold me in her lap and explain why that behavior was inappropriate.

    The one thing that I remember causing me particular problems was my temper. I would get frustrated and angry at situations that seemed wrong or unfair. I had very strong emotional reactions which I didn't know how to deal with. In that, I think my parents could have done a better job. My dad basically taught me that I had to keep negative emotions and thoughts hidden for the sake of family peace and happiness. I don't think that was so wise; it led to a lack of honest communication between us. Rather than becoming stern and asserting his control, my dad could have helped me better by teaching me how to deal with the emotions and diffuse the anger. Maybe that's where a "naughty seat" would have come in handy: a time-out place where I could work through my feelings alone without the added emotions of a stern adult forcing me to bend to his will. In situations like that, spanking just added fuel to the bad feelings and seeming unfairness.

  5. #5
    Procrastinating
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    People don't raise kids any more. The schools, TV, peer groups and other things outside the home do so just sit back and enjoy or hate the ride. The only thing you can count on is your little loved one turning into someone you don't know anymore around 15 or 16. I didn't try it but was advised to just lock them in a closet until they're 21.

  6. #6
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    When the kid is old enough sit him on the fridge then tell him to jump; do this often and make sure you catch him. Don't be afraid to bend the kid over your knee and give a couple of shots. Don't use an implement; if you have to, snap the tips of your fingers instead. If they don't know it's wrong by 5 things will get rough, after 11 forget it.
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    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Each child will respond differently to correction. A lot of it has to do with where they are on the compliant/strong-willed scale. I'm not sure if that correlates to the M-B types.
    My ISTJ daughter was the most compliant.
    My ISTP son was a little less compliant.
    My ENFJ son was very strong-willed.

    I highly recommend Focus on the Family as a good resource for helpful and sound parenting information.
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  8. #8
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    When the kid is old enough sit him on the fridge then tell him to jump; do this often and make sure you catch him. Don't be afraid to bend the kid over your knee and give a couple of shots. Don't use an implement; if you have to, snap the tips of your fingers instead. If they don't know it's wrong by 5 things will get rough, after 11 forget it.
    And always take parenting advice from childless people.
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  9. #9
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    And always take parenting advice from childless people.
    Eh, it's more regurgitated from my father, but point taken.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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  10. #10
    Senior Member Clover's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladypinkington View Post
    F's seem like they would be complicated because they are more fragile and it is probably harder to determine their thresholds.

    What are the things one should consider when adding type to the mix?
    What have people observed from personal experience both on the giving and receiving end?
    Discipline totally traumatized me when I was younger, getting ignored or yelled at was a killer for me! I can recall just cowering under tables and chairs for hours until I fell asleep & someone pulled me out (or Barney came on TV, lol). All I needed was a "don't do it again" or "that was wrong" & I would have obeyed orders like a marine. Ah well, my shell has hardened a great deal since then, & I guess you can't say that those methods weren't effective. I go to great lengths not to get yelled at, but that doesn't always mean I do the right thing.

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