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  1. #1
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Default Not Feeling Significant on This Forum

    I'm probably going to regret posting this thread but feel like I need to get the weight off my chest.


    Feeling insignificant has been an issue I've struggled with throughout my life. In work, in school, in every group I've ever been a member of. It also extends to online forums. For some reason I really feel it on this forum, like if I just left and never came back, hardly anyone would notice. That's a very sobering thought but I have little evidence to believe so otherwise.


    Maybe I just haven't found my niche yet. Some forum members seemed to have established their niches and they are known as the "go-to" person in that niche. Some members are known for their insightful relationship advice, some are just sexy and fun, and others can explain the ins and outs of Jungian Cognitive functions like no other. Some just have a natural charisma and others have an edginess to them that makes them stand out. I'm just another low-key INTP.

    Compared to other members of similar post count and forum stay, I don't have all that many visitor messages compared to many of you. My blog gets very limited readership, it makes me wonder if its worth the bother of keeping. Other members seem to get more replies to their blog posts. My name isn't referenced very much in threads other than the ones I start. Other people are always getting mentions and thanks.

    Other people post photos and people regularly comment on how beautiful or gorgeous they are. No one ever says anything when I post a photo. I'm not near the caliber of attractiveness that many of you are but just once it would be nice to receive a compliment regarding my appearance. I can't help but feel inadequate that there are so many beautiful people on here and there is no way I can ever measure up.

    It isn't just this forum where I feel this, but every single forum I've ever participated on. However, I feel it more strongly on here for some reason.

    Have other people ever felt the same way on this forum?
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  2. #2
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Actually, I DO notice your posts, SuchIrony. The main reason I don't usually say anything, is because you don't make it clear that you want any attention. You seem to give the impression that you'd rather be left alone. Now that I know, I may very well have something to say.

    The thing is, a lot of us were here early on. We had a chance to get in on the ground floor, so to speak. By the time you joined, everything was already established, and there wasn't a lot left for you to point out or add. If you had joined earlier, it's quite possible that you would be just as well known as everyone else.

    If you want to draw attention, timing is key. If you say something similar to someone else who has already posted, it will generally be ignored unless you differentiate yourself. You might actually be at a disadvantage, because there are so many INTPs here, and this forum was spawned from a forum full of INTPs, so the INTP perspective is already well-known and represented here.

    But I think that if you stay long enough, and make an effort to reach out to people... you'll find that we start to include you more often. This thread could be a good first step for you, actually.

    I can relate to your feelings, however, because I tend to have the same experience in real life. But I'm usually pretty good at getting attention on the Internet.

  3. #3
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    It's a rather fickle forum that way..

    I don't think it's so much post count.. But rather tenure, that gets you some status..

    Like any forum.. There are the old school members who are usually split between being open to new members and some enjoying their cliques and not being very welcoming at all.
    Any forum is cliquey..
    But things always change with time.. Me and Marm are Buddys now..for example.

    I get lots of visitor messages and have a lot of "friends" .. No one ever comments on my photos either. My Blog seems to be read often enough.. But 95% of my forum posts are avoided like the plague.. Unless, I start talking politics.

    I guess what I am saying is.. Not everything is what it seems on the surface.

    I notice your posts and find you point of view interesting and thought provoking.
    I find you very polite and maybe a bit shy.

    But I am certain no finds you insignificant, even if that doesn't make it feel any less real.
    I for one, Hope you stick around and find a level of comfort here.

    Friendship request sent

  4. #4
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    Haha, you posted here, too.

    I responded in your blog.

  5. #5
    ThatGirl
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    It's okay everyone feels that way their first week on the forum....



    *Oops.




    Eventually you will grow breasts!




    :p

    P.S. Thats sort of how I do nice.....I'm leaving.

  6. #6
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I identify with some of those feelings for sure and I think you are definitely not alone in them. It takes time to establish a sense of identity in a new place and I think particularly when you are an introvert, it is harder.

    Many of the people who are remembered earlier on either establish themselves because of negative stuff they do, they spend hours on vent (thereby becoming part of a sub-group of the forum and creating some history with other members), or they have a very distinctive persona or interest/skillset that doesn't easily blend in with other people's. You also have to take into account how many interactions you initiate. The people that tend to have a lot of posts on their VM wall are often people who are actively communicating with a wide variety of people every day. (Have you ever checked out whatever's and Halla's walls? It's crazy! There are very few people here that they haven't ever VMed or repped!)

    I think everyone is prone to wondering if other people read their blog or even care about whether they are here or not. We all have those insecure bits inside where we wonder if people notice or like us, wonder about us or find us interesting. It's that same feeling that makes you sure that everyone else but you has something fun to do on a Friday night and cool people to do it with, when in reality, the majority of them are sitting at home wondering the same thing! When you go and look at other people's blogs, they often do end up posting back to back with no comments in between, or they have established a particular group of friends before they started whom they are pretty sure will check up on anything they write there. Many of the people with widely read blogs have been around for awhile too and they make posts in them often, so people end up being familiar with the title of their blog and the author. Often more people read than respond. That may have to do with how well they think they know you, their own comfort level, where they are at personally at that moment etc.

    I know that for me, this forum has been an exercise in putting things more out there than I am accustomed to doing in real life. I have consciously chosen to initiate contact with people first, even though it was not previously my habit. I have been more outspoken and opinionated than I ever have ventured to be in real life. I have had some purpose in contributing to certain threads, because I want to know how people react to my opinions, because it is relevant to how I write or present ideas in real life. I have waded into conflict that I would never have considered engaging before as an exercise in learning to sort through what I think is valid and what isn't, defending my logic, and also persisting until we reach some kind of resolution. I've had to come to terms with the thought that some people are going to like me, but I'm not always going to be everyone's cup of tea and that's okay!

    One thing I'm realizing is that if you want to be recognized, you will probably also have to deal with people's opinions of you being more polarized. If you are memorable, they will probably really like you or really dislike you. The price to pay for not making too many people upset is that you have more people that either don't know you or don't feel as strongly about you one way or the other. Depending on what you value most, this isn't all bad.

    In the past, I've tended to look specifically for a welcome before I dive in. Over time I have learned that people will usually respond more openly to you if you just jump in there yourself. The more you assume that a friendship or potential friendship is there, the more likely people are to respond as if there is. For most of my life I didn't realize that unconsciously I was giving off signals that I wasn't interested simply by not initiating contact or volunteering information/stories etc without specific invitation. I thought it was clear that I was trying to not be intrusive or that I was shy. In some cases people actually thought I was disinterested or standoffish instead, or they just didn't get to know me enough to really have an opinion of me one way or the other. This is a great place to practice initiating contact with other people. I think you will be surprised at how warmly people respond if they know that you are interested and open to them.

    For what it's worth, I do remember and value a number of rep comments you have sent my way and I have enjoyed reading your blog. Give it some time and reach out to whomever seems interesting to you. I think we all suffer from varying degrees of the same thing as you're talking about and most people I know are thrilled to get a friends request or an unexpected rep comment, VM or PM.

  7. #7
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    I'm not significant here and I'm cool with that. Hell, ThatGirl even told me so. Don't feel sad.

  8. #8
    ThatGirl
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  9. #9
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I feel ya, I've felt that way in the past. than i got banned and had people being like i missss you. alot of my posts get ignored, I very rarely have visitor messages, I'm never naked when i'm online so i don't exude sexual energy. my blog barely gets read. I'll be your friend, but I can't be all like hi omgzzz did you see his hair it was like omgzzzz like, totally. yah? ok, now i'm just procrastinating.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  10. #10
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    ....

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