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  1. #171
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I agree with Tallulah. I've never found people here to be exclusive or unfriendly when I've initiated contact. In some cases they didn't know who I was before, in others they are not the sort to approach first, and in others it just took the extra push of being directly addressed or me introducing common ground that we have. Most people are kind of flattered when you notice them and you have something to say to them. I know I am always pleasantly surprised when that happens.

    Most people that you may consider popular or well-known here have just invested time or effort into their friendships or associations on the forum, and so it is not unreasonable that that is where they would reap their rewards. I think it is easy to feel like "they wouldn't like me anyway", "they probably don't even know who I am", or "other people can fit in, but I can't and no one will ever notice me". I think these are largely products of your own thought processes, rather than reflecting other people's real thoughts or intentions. The catch is that if you continue thinking in those ways, it can result in self-defeating behaviours that make it more likely for those things to become true. You have more power over your situation than you think, so use it! Look outwards, and try to think about addressing other people's interests or needs and I think you may be surprised at the response!

    Having said that, Vent is a place where there are a lot of regulars and it is one way of creating your own little subgroup that extends over into your forum life too.

  2. #172

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    I don't post here much anymore but I've always thought it's a great place to hang out! that's all really, no profound insights from me today
    Call me Visa, please!
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  3. #173
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eckhart View Post
    I always had the impression that the Ventrilo server is a place where the "famous" (to stay with the term) guys hang around all the time, so I never tried to make a step into there because I didn't know if just everyone is really welcome there ^^ Probably I am being silly there, but just trying to show some perspectives how it feels from the outside.
    I've never been on, because it kind of defeats the purpose of my being on a forum and indulging my introverted ways, but I understand they're pretty welcoming there. You just have to be able to roll with the punches and go with the topic at hand, I guess. I like forums because I like choosing topics I want to participate in and ignoring the ones I don't. Vent is too much like a party situation for me to feel comfortable. :-D
    Something Witty

  4. #174
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eckhart View Post
    I always had the impression that the Ventrilo server is a place where the "famous" (to stay with the term) guys hang around all the time, so I never tried to make a step into there because I didn't know if just everyone is really welcome there ^^ Probably I am being silly there, but just trying to show some perspectives how it feels from the outside.
    if i'm famous where's my prostitutes and coke? hmmmmm?

    I'm a pretty welcoming person most of the time, and as long your not overly obnoxious, or a dickface there shouldn't be a problem. And you don't come off as either one of those things.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #175
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    @Tallulah: Well, that will be difficult for me anyway (plus I feel really even more awkward to actually SPEAK English), but you see, I have lots of worries But maybe I should take a look in it one time, just to see if it fits me.

  6. #176
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eckhart View Post
    @Tallulah: Well, that will be difficult for me anyway (plus I feel really even more awkward to actually SPEAK English), but you see, I have lots of worries But maybe I should take a look in it one time, just to see if it fits me.
    I never use the mic, well very very very rarely i usually hang out in the chat and text chat instead. Some people talk some don't it's just your preference.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  7. #177
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Yeah, you don't have to talk. I was a little scared even about text chatting though. I think for me it's just that I wasn't sure how to go on, who's already there, you can't observe first without looking kind of strange etc.

  8. #178
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Likely this has all been mentioned & maybe the OP does all this, but....

    -You have to initiate with people to some degree. I don't have a massive presence (and I dislike initiating....hmmm...), but when I drop a rep comment or leave a VM, then I get that attention in return. I also begin to notice when I rep the same people a lot or they rep me, and so begins a natural friendship where I know contact is welcome. Quote other posts or mention other posters' names in your post....let people know when their thought has jogged one of yours. This is a quick way to create dialogue in a thread, and you don't have to resort to cutesy flirty stuff that hijacks otherwise interesting threads (<--- you can see I am not a big fan...). This can mean, changing your mindset from "This thread topic interests me & I want to say XYZ about it" to "What do others have to say about this topic?".

    -Don't play it too safe. I'm not saying become a troll or break rules or stir trouble, but posts stand out when they have a bold opinion, are funny, convey a new angle, present a controversial topic, etc. The "popular" people often make as many unpopular posts as popular ones. Make new threads, also; if they're interesting enough, this guarantees many will get to know your name.

    -Limit walls of texts and/or arrange them well. I (clearly) don't mind long-windedness, but a lot of people see a wall of text and they skip over it for the brief post they can easily reply to (as most people are more interested in their own participation...). If you want to make a long post, arrange it in a way which allows those who scan it to quickly get a feel for its content, then they may choose to stop and read the rest if something catches their interest. Paragraphs are obvious, but make use of other formatting methods. Limit Ne tangents...I've noticed the most long-winded posts tend to be from INxPs (:cough, and it's because they (er, we) have these lengthy inner monologues they've contained for a long time (due to no appropriate outlet) combined with the Ne mentality to explore every nook & cranny of an idea. Try to edit "unnecessary" stuff out of your posts to keep on topic & to hold others' interest.

    -Go on Vent. I have no interest in it myself (and am now curious as to what types are most reluctant to use it...), but it seems the real forum for bonding with other members. I suppose it depends on your purpose for visiting this site. If it's to make buddies, then that's probably your best bet.

    -----

    On a side note , I wonder what is the instinctual type of those who easily feel "insignificant" and are bothered by that feeling. I sort of assume insignificance for myself (or rather "invisibility"), but I don't really care either. I now relate that to being a self-preserving type. I can see sx or so dominant types being more bothered by not being in with the in-crowd or a part of a clique. Their drive is in terms of other people (a group or intimate/intense relationships), whereas sp types are driven by physical security.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  9. #179
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    Oh, I did not even know you can even text chat in Ventrilo, I did only know that it is for voice communication - that explains a bit!

  10. #180
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Likely this has all been mentioned & maybe the OP does all this, but....

    -You have to initiate with people to some degree. I don't have a massive presence (and I dislike initiating....hmmm...), but when I drop a rep comment or leave a VM, then I get that attention in return. I also begin to notice when I rep the same people a lot or they rep me, and so begins a natural friendship where I know contact is welcome.
    I've been starting to rep alot more lately and it has really made a difference. Not only that but I'm starting to get alot more personal messages and friend requests as a result of the rep. When I started out I was quite stingy about rep and it took me a couple weeks to even learn what rep was LOL!


    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    -Limit walls of texts and/or arrange them well. I (clearly) don't mind long-windedness, but a lot of people see a wall of text and they skip over it for the brief post they can easily reply to (as most people are more interested in their own participation...). If you want to make a long post, arrange it in a way which allows those who scan it to quickly get a feel for its content, then they may choose to stop and read the rest if something catches their interest.
    I'm naturally long winded so I'll have to remember this. I'm working on this and I've noticed the difference making shorter posts. Before I'd spend alot of time making one long post and baffled that I wasn't getting a response but if I broke that long post up into multiple shorter ones I got a better response.


    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    -Go on Vent. I have no interest in it myself (and am now curious as to what types are most reluctant to use it...), but it seems the real forum for bonding with other members. I suppose it depends on your purpose for visiting this site. If it's to make buddies, then that's probably your best bet.
    I'm more of a forum person than a live chat person. I think its due to introversion where I can scan the topics I'm interested in and think before replying whereas live chat is more think quickly of something witty to say on your feet and the topic of discussion may not be of interest. Haven't set up an account yet but thinking of trying it out of curiosity.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    On a side note , I wonder what is the instinctual type of those who easily feel "insignificant" and are bothered by that feeling. I sort of assume insignificance for myself (or rather "invisibility"), but I don't really care either. I now relate that to being a self-preserving type. I can see sx or so dominant types being more bothered by not being in with the in-crowd or a part of a clique. Their drive is in terms of other people (a group or intimate/intense relationships), whereas sp types are driven by physical security.
    I think the social subtype would most likely to notice inequalities in members popularity status and be most bothered by it. You're right in that self-pres wouldn't care as much. Sexual, I think is more interested in forming close bonds with a selected few members and may not care about their overall popularity status as long as they have a few close connections. Social, I think cares more about being liked by a large number of people.

    I'm not completely sure of my subtype but definitely leaning towards social. I'm leaning towards so/sx/sp as my stack at this moment, which keeps changing.
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