You know, when I was a very little boy coming home from kindergarten, I would look forward to seeing my mother with a burst of love, and passing a field of canna lillies, I picked a bunch just for her, but she didn't seem to recognise the significance of my gift of flowers, and so I never brought her any more flowers.
So you see Aquarelle, I am a frustrated giver of flowers and you are a frustrated receiver. No wonder I am your insignificant other.
you know, when i don't get an immediate reply, i feel completely unloved. i have to always be told i am loved, in order to believe i am loved. my big cousin hugs me and tells me he loves me everyday. but if he doesn't for some reason, i immediately feel unliked. i think, it's my fault. what did i do this time? i'm unlikeable. they just want me to go away. they hate me!! so i run away a lot from people for this reason.
rationally, i don't think this is natural, i think my behavior is kind of like a stray puppy. a stray puppy wants attention, but doesn't know how to go about getting it. and i think a long time ago there might have been a time when i didn't feel like this. i think that i have to learn how to feel love with my mind, and understand that i am loved.
but in nearly all cases, i don't. i can't. i don't think i am loved. for so many reasons. for any reason. every reason. so eternal internal conflict. not only that, but sometimes i feel people get frustrated with me, so i just feel completely deflated.
i also think i need to work on my personality, to be more likeable. and to help others understand they are liked. cause i really do like people. almost everyone and everywhere i look around i'm always admiring everyone. i think they're so much better than me and know so much. id on't think there's anyone i don't admire or want to be more like, even if they've completely pissed me off. then i think i expect too much of a one-sided interaction on their part. and i hate myself for it.
You have a wonderful gift as well as the gift of expressing it. And you are sharing your gift with us. I think feeling unloved is as important as feeling loved, and here you are, poised between the two.