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  1. #71
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Well, if you do picture this as a "social gathering," you wouldn't sit in a circular and randomly bitch people down by presenting all their negatives.

    Things would get ugly, and very quickly.
    Honesty and assertiveness might have short-term negative consequences, but long-term benefits. Confronting a painful moment in therapy, for example, is ugly and difficult, but ultimately rewarding. I think a fear of things getting ugly and people getting hurt is what drives dynamics like these. The people who I consider the best healers, however, are those who actually confront people and address their issues from a position of security and allow things to get a bit ugly, rather than sweeping that ugliness under a rug. (By the way, this isn't a personal attack on you, just an observation.)

    It wouldn't go over in real-life, it won't go over here.
    I also don't know if a comparison to a group of people sitting in a circle really does justice to the complexity and depth of the relationships at this site. It's really hard to find an matching real-life setting to even begin to draw comparisons. I don't read the blogs of all my friends, and I don't have discussions with them about their personal lives and fears to the same degree I do with people on this site.

    In general, you have to earn the right to cut someone down... because they would realize you're not doing it to diminish them, nor would you phrase things in ways to be purposefully hurtful. Or you would have to have a specific session dedicated to it, with only the actual willing participants being included in the commentary.
    Agreed.

    Most of the negative bitching that ever springs up in the forums (and even the few truly negatives in this thread) seems less about being constructive and more about someone just wanting to vent because they're upset with someone. So of course that sinks like a lead platypus.
    The criticism might not go over well, but it's expression is important nonetheless, wouldn't you agree? Criticism serves both the source and the target. Otherwise this place'll turn into PassiveAggressiveCentral. Yikes.

  2. #72
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    Serious, deep conversation is equally as possible in a social gathering. If anything, the "social" side of the forum gives us a good understanding of how the types naturally react when they don't have to worry as much about being judged (as in real life).
    I've always felt more worried about being judged in real life, because there's more at stake there, and people have more expectations of you to avoid any topic/perspective that isn't widely accepted. That's why I don't want too many of those "real life" expectations... they usually make me uncomfortable enough to want to withdraw.

  3. #73
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    I've always felt more worried about being judged in real life, because there's more at stake there, and people have more expectations of you to avoid anything that isn't widely accepted.
    But some people put themselves out there in a setting such as this more than they do in real life, so being judged here might carry more weight.

  4. #74
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    I've always felt more worried about being judged in real life, because there's more at stake there, and people have more expectations of you to avoid any topic/perspective that isn't widely accepted.
    That was my point.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  5. #75
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    So you think that descriptive norms (perceptions of how other people are actually behaving, whether or not these are approved of) are frowned upon? What type of atmosphere do you think that creates?
    A realistic one. One where growth can actually occur, instead of just the spreading of the delusion that it's taking place.

    In fairness, no one said it was supposed to be like that here. I'm just speaking my observation.
    we fukin won boys

  6. #76
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    No, I was more so referring to the type of the speaker. Some types will speak more directly a vast majority of the times, while some types will tend to beat around the bush and feel out their listener more for opinions.
    We're already talking about the personality of the speaker. Type just describes that personality along other dimensions. I don't think that type would be an independent trait that would be used to assess dominance. Rather, the personality features that we describe when we type a person, can feed into those dominant characteristics either positively, or negatively. Point being that saying this varies with type is redundant unless you make the mistake, which many people do, thinking that type is prescriptive, and not merely descriptive.

  7. #77
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    I think that Sensors are probably too stupid to even care.

    You are so naughty!!

  8. #78
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    We're already talking about the personality of the speaker. Type just describes that personality along other dimensions. I don't think that type would be an independent trait that would be used to assess dominance. Rather, the personality features that we describe when we type a person, can feed into those dominant characteristics either positively, or negatively. Point being that saying this varies with type is redundant unless you make the mistake, which many people do, thinking that type is prescriptive, and not merely descriptive.
    I was referring to this, specifically.

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid
    They also communicate security and status by a lack of hesitation which shows up in the form of clear and assertive writing and punctuation.
    What I meant was that some types communicate more directly and assertively, which could give them the appearance of being dominant, without actually being so.

    But I do acknowledge your point.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  9. #79
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    OK, I'm going to have to do some policing of my thread because I really don't want this to turn into a discussion about who is open-minded or free thinking. I'd love to see someone start a thread about that though (if Kiddo hasn't already started it ).

    The reason why I used religion and political ideology as examples is because I noticed that a substantial number of posters in the member survey said they were agnostic or atheist.
    It definitely a lot "cooler" to be atheistic or agnostic.
    Funny how 70 years ago, a person would have been ashamed to admit such a thing.

    So we have:
    1. Questioning someone's type, esp. if they think they're intuitive
    2. Using you picture as your avatar
    Is using your own pic as your avatar not welcome here?
    I thought some people do.
    I don't have a problem with it. I kinda like it.
    My INFP sister actually types people by their looks!
    You mean Xander and sub don't really look like that??!!

  10. #80
    Enigma Nadir's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    Right. The purpose is to get attention and socialize through ideas, not through a picture of yourself taken at a flattering angle.
    The avatar does not do any communication beyond what the viewer chooses to perceive. Essentially, there's no difference between a blubberer and a blubberer who happens to be have a very pretty/handsome picture of him/herself as his/her avatar. (Okay -- I suppose it helps with the identification...)

    I'm for avatar freedom myself . . . but I still think that in forum culture it's a bit of a faux pas.
    Fair enough! I see where you're coming from.
    Not really.

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