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  1. #111
    Senior Member 6sticks's Avatar
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    It looks like having multiple personalities and posting numerous threads about relationship problems is becoming a social norm here.

  2. #112
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    The threshold gets lowered by members who create new implicit norms that ALL ATTACKS are intolerable. The new norms, seems to me, aren't created by people explicitly criticizing others for being even slightly offensive (which make sense, since these members abhor confrontation and aggression) but by unconditionally complimenting and supporting others. That sends the message that criticism is prohibited which means that aggressive impulses start to ferment. A few possibilities at that point: (1) the group finds a scapegoat (a "troll") or (2) lacking a release valve, the atmosphere explodes (3) people leave and find other outlets for their aggression (INTPc) (4) new, dominant members (mods, members) adjust and balance the norms to allow aggression in ways that don't threaten to cohesion of the group.
    There's also the alternative: when sometimes people claim that EVERYTHING is fair game and open to attack, under the blanket of "constructive criticism", which leads to many people with much knowledge and interesting things to say being inhibited because they're not out to prove their opinions or 'convert' others to them, but simply to share, and the thought that sharing might well lead to several hours of having mud slung at them, would inhibit most people, I think.

    So then the board turns into a stomping ground for intellectually aggressive people to float their malcontent, rehashing the same old arguments over and over with the same scripts on both sides, while the people who'd bring something fresh and break it out of the loop (if they felt it was worth bothering, if anyone would actually listen) simply switch off or turn to fluff to lighten the mood, or as the only safe way of interacting without being trampled on.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  3. #113
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    I doubt many people go in for everything or nothing behaviors.. I've thought there's some threshold of impersonal analysis that people can take on theirselves, but more than that and they feel insulted. So, people try to sugarcoat their criticism, others get sensitive over what's being implied there, because nothing is said plainly and clearly. It's a vicious cycle that leads everyone to say absolutely nothing but to be offended of absolutely everything. Of course it breaks down, when people are annoyed for having all the trouble and getting nothing real communicated.

    Vicious cycle in the other direction - people go over the threshold, they're too insulting, people get offended out in the open. It soon gets ugly.

    There's virtuous cycles to be had, too.. what's your idea of it?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #114
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LunarMoon View Post
    Since we're really at loss for a discussion now I might as well put this out. Which type do you believe is the most popular to be on this forum? There's been a lot of mention that in the real world, ESTJ is the ideal type for males but what type do you think is the most socially acceptable type to be here? From what I've heard it seems to be an INTx of some kind while Sensor-esque behavior tends to be discouraged.
    Really!! :horor: Oh my!

    I'm just thankful there's a mix.
    Too much of anything isn't good.
    (I prefer Ps myself.)


    And I wholeheartedly agree with what substitute just said.

  5. #115
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    I think I posted in this thread once and, not realizing, it was OT. I'm a little confused by it so if this is also OT, please forgive me?

    Okay, there is one thing that does seem to be a "norm" for this forum. As a fairly new member, there is something I've noticed. The membership seems to be predominantly academic. I'm not sure of this but it does seem to have a good number of students. The end result is that the majority seem to talk as if they're writing a paper which is understandable. Having long ago left that environment, I don't usually talk that way on a forum or irl. I'm not sure but, speculating on some things I may have seen, those who don't follow that "norm" may be seen as, somehow, less intelligent than others and, perhaps, less worthy of interaction irregardless of type. I've seen, on at least one occasion, a member being "accused" of not being the type they said they were based, I believe, on writing style that didn't fit this norm for it on this forum.

  6. #116
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    I second that too Seanan... not sure whether it applies to me since I haven't been to college for over 10 years now and definitely don't think of myself as academic (I have a toxic relationship with formal education!).
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  7. #117
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    (I prefer Ps myself.)
    Me too and introverts rather.

  8. #118
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    I'll third that Seanan.

    Not having been in university for (ahem) 21 years has me out of the academic loop (I think I'm actually the oldest person here ) but I can definately see what you are saying.

  9. #119
    Lallygag Moderator Geoff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alicia91 View Post
    I'll third that Seanan.

    Not having been in university for (ahem) 21 years has me out of the academic loop (I think I'm actually the oldest person here ) but I can definately see what you are saying.
    We range across a number of ages. It's been nearly two 15 years for me.

    Hmm, anyway. I think the average academic achievement level is above society as a whole, so this probably is an important society norm.

    That no doubt does influence writing styles and... hmm.. expectations.

    However, this seems to operate on sub-levels. There are those posting intellectual stuff, and those just here to mostly chat about their friends, their hairstyles or their favourite tv shows. Both have a place, and represent different, occasionally conflicting, norms.

  10. #120
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Another possible social norm:

    NFs aren't allowed to be as critical towards other members that NTs would get a pass for without putting lots of qualifiers and hedgers into the criticism.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

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