I think you're terrified of either success or failure (failure because it sucks, success because it might not last) and therefore stuck in a feedback loop of inactivity. You're not lazy although I'm sure you've been told you are. You put on airs of being this super-powerful dude in part as a joke because everyone knows you're not and in part as a way to shore up your self-concept until you can build a real one.
The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
-anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii
You're stuck in a Ni/Fi loop, perhaps partly due to being sheltered in some fashion and not given chances to develop Te and confidence in your personal power to push your persona outwards towards the world. Te needs this to develop, it needs to push outwards and be pushed on in order to develop.
There's some fear there that to make the necessary compromises with the outside world will infringe on your uniqueness, that pushing outwards in the world may create a gateway where others can push back into you do the same. It's true that this does happen, but not to the extent that you fear and all of life is a trade off.
At the same time, since Te does not get oppurtunities to develop its muscle in this fashion, you have trouble with judgement and organizing your inner world to put your considerable imagination into a positive and productive way for yourself. It creates a inner world of strong creative impulses and deep feeling that has no structure upon which to frame itself and creates confusion and frustration for you as a result, but because you're so introverted you don't even have proper outlets for the frustrations and it causes you much pain and no road map out.
Edit to add: You crave personal power and tend to use shock value as a false kind of power, because then people are truly reacting but this power is unsatisfying because it is not a true reflection of your inner depth and ability and it further cuts you off from positive contacts that could strengthen Te.
You need to develop Te for the framework and backbone to your dreams. Only then will you find the personal uniqueness and power to influence the world with your imagination that you want. Need to let go of the fear of external stimulation and interaction, but this could be subconscious and you might need professional therapy to get to the root of the cause.
I like to keep at least one NFJ around so they'll cover my ass when I 'fuck up'.
my sis is an NFJ... that may explain a few things
Pink: Genuinely funny, both on the board and to talk to. An amazing Ne ability to take a joke and just run for the hills with it. Almost childlike in the ability to really enjoy some things, but a strength there that no child could possibly possess. Your charisma could make you an amazing cult leader I'd really hate to cross you- you have the true ability to be terrifying as well, I'm guessing Like the little girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead- when you are good you are very, very good, and when you are bad you are horrid (not an insult, btw) Sometimes, looking after yourself instead of others would be a good idea, but I don't know if you really could do that.
Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom? -Terry Pratchett