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Thread: Hospitality

  1. #11
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    To me, it's called being a gentleman. I would never let a woman pay for dinner. It has nothing to do with who has more worth, or who is more desirable. Your post reads like some type of twisted transaction rather than having dinner with someone you're truly interested in.

    What is your real point to all this?
    Do you think you have no redeeming qualities and people are just using you?
    I'm getting the mood of transaction system, and also that of a power game, and neither of those is the mood I'm trying to get. OTOH, perhaps useHerName got it right; people are less interested of food & drink, and more interested of company. Perhaps there's another reason. Anyways, I want to direct this thing to a level where I'm comfortable.

    Hm, I was comfortable before my wife got involved with this hospitality thing. She's lived in a small town & rural areas most of her life, and she's got the habit of being even generous than me. She's often gently pushed me to offer more and more. Perhaps we'll have a chat.

    And yeah, this zero-self-worth theory isn't believable, so clearly my friends would be happy with just small hospitality if anything.

    It's hard to see how one is influenced if it happens in small steps.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #12
    figsfiggyfigs
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    Your post reads like some type of twisted transaction rather than having dinner with someone you're truly interested in.

    What is your real point to all this?
    Do you think you have no redeeming qualities and people are just using you?
    This.


    It's not what you say, its what you do that shows people that you care. Talk/Action.

    If you feel like you're putting more effort when a person comes over, than they do when you go over to their place, they're the ones with the issue, not you.

    Don't change the way you behave because of how others make you feel about it. Especially when it's a positive thing. It seems you feel like they're taking advantage of you, and it has rendered you resistant to the concept.

    Maybe you feel you're doing too much, and you're uncomfortable being so "nice" when you feel they don't deserve it/have not earned it?

    Have you always been a hospitable person? if so, was it as much as you are now? Or is the wife the one making you feel so over the top?

  3. #13
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Kinda obvious to me (from your post history too, this is just one of many instances) that you're not living in the "right" culture for your personality. You should truly consider moving somewhere else, where such kind of thoughts won't even enter your mind.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  4. #14
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Kinda obvious to me (from your post history too, this is just one of many instances) that you're not living in the "right" culture for your personality. You should truly consider moving somewhere else, where such kind of thoughts won't even enter your mind.
    I thought a lot of US culture has turned toward this. When I was growing up, it was a pointed insult to not offer anyone food or drink when they came over. I still feel compelled to do this since it was something I grew up with. But the only people I allow in my home are the people that I really want to be there, so giving them something isn't a big deal.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    When I was married, my husband's friend and his girlfriend would come over on Saturday nights, and I would offer food and drink -- and then they'd help themselves to some more -- drank up all the milk in the refrigerator and made handy with my coffee maker and the Starbucks -- finally they moved in together and we went to their house -- only to be told there's a 7-11 on the corner if we wanted anything to eat or drink. I'll never forget it!

    I think it's nice to offer a little something, but if they don't ever reciprocate, then maybe not. It's kind of a holdover custom from when there wasn't food available on every corner. Maybe you could meet them somewhere rather than letting them into your house.

    Oh, P.S. After you've been at their place for a minute and see that no refreshments are forthcoming, you could get to your feet and yell "Are you going to offer me something to eat and drink or not, you rude bastards," and see how that goes. It might bring them around.

  6. #16
    Giggity Vie's Avatar
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    I feel as though if you are inviting someone into your home, then you damn well better like them enough to offer them a freaking Fresca or something. Perhaps it's just me, but I never have had an issue with offering someone something to drink or eat. Obviously if they are greedy little snobs, I just won't offer next time (by greedy I mean let's say you offer some crackers, and they eat the whole box), chances are I wouldn't be friends with that type of person anyways. Unless they are a loved one, and then I really don't think I would care.

    And when I'm at other people's homes, I usually try to eat before hand. If I get thirsty, I have no problem asking for a drink. I don't know if that's rude, but they never seem to mind.
    I'm confused as to what the problem is with sharing.

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