I think many people dont speak forum language. They read a text someone said in their very own subjective interpretation of it and therefore replies to delicate topics can be quickly misunderstood. That plus I think on online forums you can tend to be more impolite, because you dont see there's an actual person behind posts.
It's sad that it is that way. To me expressing respect towards everyone you speak with is a sign of intelligence, but especially in german forums lately people have made it a habit to piss at each other in such bad ways by now that I even tend to loose my good mannerism.
I dont know why is that, people have become very oblivious of each other on the internet but in real life at some places aswell. I tend to like older generations of people very much because they actually have mannerisms and watch out for each other.
But for Generation Y, social competence isnt really a strength. It's more egoism there. See it that way: why do so many people come to an online forum like this to find out about there type ? There are sure many people who dont fit into society and like it here because it is a place for the weird. But there are also a lot of people who are incapable to self-reflect their actions. Who cant self-reflect the person they are thru other persons, because they never learnt it.
The lacking ability to self-reflect oneself is in 99% of all human cases the reason for invidiousness, because people only see how it is for them and never how it is for you. We are having a generation of egomaniacs at the moment, the reasons for this could be a lot of things. I personally think it has a lot to do with overcrowdedness, which is especially imminent on the internet. Because there are so many people and there are so many things to do with yourself, people start asking themselves "who am I ?". This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can go on for only that long and at some point a person has to say: I am finished with myself now. Now I'll start finding out about how I look to others and how it is for others, this is one of the strongest abilities to ever understand yourself 100%.
I hope I never become egoistical or dont answer a person in need in a thread with something I hastly wrote and what was meant to deeply insult her. I hope I can keep a more sensitive approach to life. But as I told you, I think this attitutde has to do a lot with intelligence and the capability to self-reflect. Since INFJs are supposed to be a master at the latter one from early age on, I can imagine that this topic could be much much more sensitive for being happy for an INFJ.
"How dreadful!" cried Lord Henry. "I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect." ~ Oscar Wilde - The picture of Dorian Gray
I like entropie's post so much I don't know what to say anymore. But yes, egocentricism is everywhere. I mean, nowadays people with good intents, who try to look over their own little world and try to take other people into their own considerations seem to be looked down at all the time. Why is a word like "Gutmensch" (I think in English you say "goody two-shoes") used like a terrible insult? People seem to view those people like retards. Sure you can view them here and there as naive, but I feel there is more about it, something which I am not able to understand yet.
Some people would say arguing (well, debating) is the whole point of a forum. But yes, it does degenerate into personal attacks or faulty/subjective reasoning far more often than I would like.
Some people actually like this, others are drawn into it by an emotional reaction. Some people are verrrry sensitive to their ideas being challenged. Others have a viewpoint (and/or expresses it in a way) that provokes emotional reactions in others. What's particularly fun is when these two groups overlap.
I don't think people come to forums to argue, but they come to share their thoughts and win over the respect of their peers, much like in a real life forum. When some of their peers disagree with their thoughts or resent their thoughts due to their own wishes to win over the respect of said peers, arguments happen.
Now, if these conversations were to happen within a group of friends, whether online or IRL, less arguments would happen because they know each other. They don't need to establish themselves within a group by topic discussion alone. There are many other opportunities for that (shopping together, partying, working out, etc). But on an online forum, the only way to establish yourself is via the forum, so it gets much more heated.
I think there are a bunch of reasons
- Here people feel more anonymous than in real life, so they say things that they know they couldn't normally get away with.
- Real life stress/frustrations spill over into the way people handle other people. It's like picking a fight on purpose to have an excuse to unload all the pent-up aggression that can't be expressed elsewhere.
- When people read something that reminds them of a negative person/experience from their past, sometimes that post serves as a trigger and brings up all of those old negative emotions.
- Different lens through which to view issues gives very different context to the same words.
- Some people actually enjoy conflict and see it as an optimal way of engaging or learning or entertaining themselves.
- People feel that their social position is being threatened. Especially if the forum comprises a significant portion of their free time or social connection, this is very distressing.
- This is how they deal with people in real life too.
- People attribute more power or control to others than they actually possess and rebel against it.
I think it is a good thing, in a way, that there is a place where you can argue about stuff that is usually irrelevant in real life. I think that the time I've spent on forums like this has made my view a lot more open. I have seen that there are several perspectives to any idea, and none of these is the right one. It is virtually impossible that I could have explored all of the topics in real life and been able to see how the several points of views live their lives in the argument. Usually it's very clear where it is not anymore a question of who has the most convincing case, but of who is the winner. Ok, most of the times the discussion ends with the one who shouts the loudest, but that doesn't mean he's won.
Well, that being said, I will add that I wouldn't hang around here if it wasn't actually a relatively peaceful place. It seems to me like a minority of active members are unbalancing the place, most of the others are quite polite as long as you don't mess with them too bad, and then there's a minority that balances the place. I think it works pretty good like this.
Isn't this a symptom of the F/T dichotomy and how each dichotomy processes information? Breaking this further down into cognitive processes, Fe dom and auxs generally need external harmony. Fi-ers not as much. And Te, Ti doms and aux's tend to challenge, which might create external turmoil.
The above are generalised personal opinions. Amend per individual.
Speaking of the word "amend", why isn't it spelled "ammend"? Or do most of you pronounce the "a" with a long vowel sound?
Isn't life difficult enough? I guess it's just the ones who really seem to be out to pick a fight all the time that I really wonder about. Weird. Arguing just doesn't interest me.
1. Better to have bad breath than no breath. In other words, bad attention is better than none at all. Disputing can get you attention quickly and easily and requires less vulnerability.
2. Disagreements are easier when you are mediated by words and screens. Face to face and without anonymity people tend to get along better. For example, I am actually fairly nice in person. I sometimes forget that I'm talking to another person when I join in an argument.
"Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."