It's unlikely anyone here pays enough attention to me to notice, but I apologize in advance if I seem a bit "one-note" lately. I'm reading/meditating on the subject of creative concentration as of late, so it may be like I have a hammer and every topic someone posts on life dissatisfaction is appearing as a nail to me right now. Basically, I just wanted to ask if you still have your creative outlets. How do they make you feel these days?
Originally Posted by Synarch
I can say that I remember a time when I felt very peaceful and secure which was when my days were very active with school and work, I had good friends who were close, we were relying on each other a great deal. Plus I was in a very dynamic environment that challenged me on all different fronts. Life took on a sense of adventure.
But that doesn't really answer what you want to know.
So, I'll tell you about another place and time, when I was not challenged, I was painfully stagnating, and to make things worse I was trapped in a very poisonous, inescapable psycho-drama that was wreaking havoc on my sensitive, harmony-loving nature. I live next to a mountain, and taking walks on it helped. But what I really threw myself into was folding paper. The kind of origami that is called unit origami, usually comprised of making the same shape over and over, and finally assembling all the units and all the connector pieces into one beautiful, complex formation. Just sitting there, moving my hands, making repeated clean, precise folds on small pieces of paper. I didn't sit there and contemplate what I was going through, or the psyches of the people I was dealing with, or the possible futures or outcomes or contingencies (all these things being my habit). My brain went on no-channel. There was only the movement and the action. I did this every night, I didn't talk to anyone, listen or look at anything. Folding the paper was what mattered. I assembled them, too, although that can be slightly frustrating because it can be like a puzzle in 3-D. But I assembled them to get the units out of the way, so I could make more. I gave the finished products away to people who were nice to me. I gave them away without any real reason and without any pride. I didn't care about keeping them one bit. It wasn't about the interesting polyhedron formation or the pretty paper or the presentation to another person. It was the process of folding paper that I was getting something out of. It was putting me in a state of mind. I wasn't waiting for a zen state of mind to do something, I got [myself, my mind] behind an action and the state of mind followed along. Someone might have judged what I was doing as a weird waste of time. I'm not sure if it helped change anything about the way I handled the crisis I was in. But that did not matter. What mattered was me being in that state of mind. Doing this was not a way out, it was a way in.
People are good, of course, loving people around you can help when you are feeling lost. And maybe this is purely an introvert thing, but sometimes they simply cannot. No matter how dear they are to you, or you to them. People can't always get me out of my head, I can't expect them to be the answer for me all the time. I know this quote seems emo and grim and so forever alone, but sometimes it fits:
There was a doorand those times when that fits are the times that we have to find a way in, rather than out. I hope this makes some kind of sense. I hope this relates to what you were asking.
And I could not open it. I could not touch the handle.
Why could I not walk out of my prison?
What is hell? Hell is oneself,
Hell is alone, the other figures in it
Merely projections. There is nothing to escape from
And nothing to escape to. One is always alone.