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  1. #31
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    We're talking about genuineness here as a connection, yeah? When we sense genuineness, somebody has touched us in a hard to describe, but particularly powerful way.

    I was recently convinced that genuineness - authenticity, if you will - is rooted in vulnerability.

    Genuineness is what we perceive when somebody allows their True Self to be vulnerable. It is the TS that we spend our life protecting with our enneagram type behaviors. It is very much correlated to type, as each type protects themselves from different things in different ways. Every time there is a threat to the TS, we throw up some kind of shield, something that masks the genuine part of us in an effort to shield us from pain - be it withdrawal, denial, apathy, projection, and so on.

    The authentic person is the one who learns to leave the shields down, even when they are under threat. They touch us because we're constantly comparing ourselves to everybody else, and when we see somebody who has few or no shields protecting their fragile, unique selves we are either inspired (projecting lost qualities upon them that we wish we could recapture in ourselves) or threatened (our own shields go up because something in our perceptions make us feel vulnerable).

    The gurus of the enneagram have figured all this out already, but don't articulate it very clearly. The psychological health spectrum and growth suggestions described by Riso and Hudson (among others) are a road map to authenticity: To become authentic, you need to lower the shields. To lower the shields, you need to know what they are, which means knowing your type. You then need to make the type-specific changes to your life. As you grow, your behaviors will naturally start to coincide with higher levels of the psychological health spectrum.

    Ultimately, the most genuine people are the ones who are in the healthy categories of their type. Their genuineness recognizable, but how one reacts to it depends on their own type and psychological health.

    I mentioned that I was recently convinced. The connection for me was made while I was studying the work of a scholar named Brene Brown. Check out her TED talks on youtube.

  2. #32
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    People who have less to prove are the most genuine. I think that correlation is pretty accurate across the board with very few exceptions.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrB4 View Post
    We're talking about genuineness here as a connection, yeah? When we sense genuineness, somebody has touched us in a hard to describe, but particularly powerful way.

    I was recently convinced that genuineness - authenticity, if you will - is rooted in vulnerability.

    Genuineness is what we perceive when somebody allows their True Self to be vulnerable. It is the TS that we spend our life protecting with our enneagram type behaviors. It is very much correlated to type, as each type protects themselves from different things in different ways. Every time there is a threat to the TS, we throw up some kind of shield, something that masks the genuine part of us in an effort to shield us from pain - be it withdrawal, denial, apathy, projection, and so on.

    The authentic person is the one who learns to leave the shields down, even when they are under threat. They touch us because we're constantly comparing ourselves to everybody else, and when we see somebody who has few or no shields protecting their fragile, unique selves we are either inspired (projecting lost qualities upon them that we wish we could recapture in ourselves) or threatened (our own shields go up because something in our perceptions make us feel vulnerable).

    The gurus of the enneagram have figured all this out already, but don't articulate it very clearly. The psychological health spectrum and growth suggestions described by Riso and Hudson (among others) are a road map to authenticity: To become authentic, you need to lower the shields. To lower the shields, you need to know what they are, which means knowing your type. You then need to make the type-specific changes to your life. As you grow, your behaviors will naturally start to coincide with higher levels of the psychological health spectrum.
    ^^ Very insightful post IMO. Though the words ("authentic," "genuine") can get twisted if people want to claim them for self-image's sake. But the core info about vulnerability - IMO quite insightful. Also easier said in words than done. I remember someone in a deeply spiritually/psychologically toxic environment literally physically flinching when I told her that I experience my own shields as exhausting and too heavy - she needed hers for her own survival.

    DrB4, Where are you yourself at in relation to vulnerability?

  4. #34
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I dunno people perceive me as geniune. I guess just be me, steal my skin and personality and you might be considered genuine. Probably not, they'll just think you're a bitch for trying to be me.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Werebudgie View Post

    DrB4, Where are you yourself at in relation to vulnerability?
    I second the notion of it being easier said than done - dramatically so when the environment is hostile (and/or perceived to be).

    The biggest pit falls I encounter right now are getting distracted by things that are not good uses of my time as a way to avoid thinking about anything that will lead to conflict. I also eat a lot of carbohydrates to help me bury my stress instead of experience it as it comes.

    I mute my intellectualism and whimsy to try to fit in with people at the office. The environment is very 'do not rock the boat', but I was hired to do just that. The people around me don't get it, and I feel I cannot associate with them for fear of being judged. I protect myself by withdrawing, skipping non-mandatory meetings, and working remotely. Using the latter primarily as an avoidance tool is a drag.

    Then, when folks nicely ask what I've been up to, I'm evasive. I do not want to expend the energy to explain. Their actual judgments are nowhere near as intrusive as I interpret or predict them to be, yet, knowing this doesn't help me get over it. The end result is a me who spends as much energy shielding himself as he does exercising his talents.

    There's a lot of positive, too. I'd say I'm probably between a level 4 and 5 on the psychological health spectrum, but I've been as low as a 7 since I started this journey, and in hindsight have been as low as an 8 in the past. Now, I deliberately, but gently practice trying to be more open at work. It's intimidating, but I succeed enough that I am empowered to keep trying. I also shed self consciousness when I'm immersed in my favorite talents or talking with the few people I am comfortable sharing my thoughts with. I'm trying to be more authentic in my expressions in these relationships, and while my comfort with them starts much higher, I am much more sensitive to the topics I need to bring up in order to grow. They have been receptive, for which I am thankful, and with the Trust that is built I am encouraged to express myself more. I'm hoping posts like this around TC are well received too. I'm anxious about writing this here.

    How about yourself?

  6. #36
    Member Chuffney's Avatar
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    Sincerity is a mix of being clueless about your subconscious motives and taking your environment at face value.

  7. #37
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    @DrB4,

    Your work situation and responses sound exhausting! I get the use of withdrawal, though - I would probably do something similar in that situation. And I hear you that the whole thing yields:

    The end result is a me who spends as much energy shielding himself as he does exercising his talents.
    Glad you have some opportunities to practice being more open at work and also that you have a few people in your life with whom you feel more comfortable sharing your thoughts.

    I'm interested to see how posts and focuses like yours are received on this site. I'm very very critical of the group culture here - but I really don't know if the kind of stuff I don't like will come into play with your focus and approach. I hope you find useful dialogue and a good reception here.

    How about yourself?
    Vulnerability has come up again recently as a focus for me, but I'm still mainly in raw-information-receiving mode about it right now, and don't know what it will mean for my life or actions. I know that I've recently learned some stuff about my family that has shown me that strong self-protection from one of the members has been a matter of literal survival in my past (two members of my immediate family are now dead - literally, dead, and one very recently - due to remaining in a toxic context that I instinctively withdrew from decades ago). I've also had some experiences in recent years in a personal relationship, unrelated to that family situation, in which I was extremely open and realized it was an unwise thing to do. But I can't say I understand why it had the outcomes it did. And yet with all of this, at a basic level, self-protection exhausts me and simply doesn't feel good to me as a thing to do. And so I've been struggling in various ways with this. I don't know where I'll end up on it, though.

    I do appreciate you bringing up this topic.

  8. #38
    Member ginniebean's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chuffney View Post
    Sincerity is a mix of being clueless about your subconscious motives and taking your environment at face value.
    This is close to what I want to say. When I hear reflexive programmed responses it's clear the person hasn't thought for themselves or even looked around for themselves to discover what may or may not be true to them.

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chuffney View Post
    Sincerity is a mix of being clueless about your subconscious motives and taking your environment at face value.
    The culture of the USA makes the distinction between sincere and phoney. And sincere is good, and phoney is bad. But once we can fake sincerity in the USA, we have it made.

    So how can we fake sincerity and make it in the USA?

    Well we are seen as sincere when, what we say, and how we say it, are congruent.

    This is not easy to do as what we say in conscious, while how we say it is unconscious.

    However professionals like Meryl Streep have learnt how to make what they say, and how they say it, congruent at will. And so Meryl Streep has become a great American.

    We too can become a great Americans once we learn to fake sincerity.

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