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  1. #11
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bokeh View Post
    I am analyzing the self now. and thats why I made this post. I'm at a sticking point. I'm afraid if I come to love myself for who I am and express it the way I want, I'll become too vulnerable. I'm afraid of shutting myself, my emotions in again like I did about 7 years ago. I stayed that way for about 5-6 years. I'm afraid if I get my vulnerabilities attacked again I may handle it harder
    I'm not sure I understand this, I would have thought that through learning to love yourself for who you are and being comfortable and assured with that, it would leave you less open to vulnerability as YOU are the decider of your self worth rather than someone else?

    Learning from past failed endeavours and working out why they did and why you felt the need to your emotions away, is really, imo, the only way to actually overcome the inherent anxieties associated with love. But really, love is such a strange and intangible thing anyway, so, you know, it's bound to change and move in flux. The only real tangible is how you feel within yourself, and I would have thought that learning to love yourself for who you are, outside of the context of a relationship and feeling confident to carry that person into the next, would be the best way to go.

    Or I could be reading this completely wrong, I have been up for nigh on 48 hours now, and might not have the full cognitive function to have read your OP properly, insomnia is a bitch of a thing

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  2. #12
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bokeh View Post
    but the difficulty I am having to ejjoy the moment and make the most of the current situation is very similar to what I wrte about in the OP.
    Does your current situation afford you the freedom you like? Maybe that's part of the problem. Does it get in the way of you having a full personal life outside of work?

    I am analyzing the self now. and thats why I made this post. I'm at a sticking point. I'm afraid if I come to love myself for who I am and express it the way I want, I'll become too vulnerable. I'm afraid of shutting myself, my emotions in again like I did about 7 years ago. I stayed that way for about 5-6 years. I'm afraid if I get my vulnerabilities attacked again I may handle it harder.
    You are putting too much weight on others' opinions and expecting validation from them to justify opening up in the first place, probably. But really, fuck other people. They don't know how it is to be you. As long as the way you want to be is not hurting other people, it should give you strength and conviction in yourself. If people shit all over it, remember that you are being vulnerable FOR YOURSELF, not for other people. And you need to test it with people you aren't too close to, first so it doesn't impact you as much what they think.

    But of course I'd have to know more about you to give you better advice. Btw, do you know your enneagram type?


    Quote Originally Posted by Bokeh View Post
    the solution seems very simple. it seems as if I were to give one small push towards going for what I feel is right that it should start a landslide effect. that everything else will just fall in place.
    Nope. It will create discomfort at first. That's why you need to prove to yourself logically or however else, that you have good reasons to want to be like you want. The whole problem here are expectations possibly. People expect you to be different, and you probably don't want to disappoint and lose the respect they had for your "old" self. This is all me theorizing of course. I don't know what you are talking about specifically.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bokeh View Post
    but then there is the doubt, or the fear that it may be the wrong choice that is holding me back like a giant dam holding back a lake.
    Fear is the mind killer. See it as a game. Life is already boring enough for us not to battle our fears. It's the only adventure worth having in the journey for self-improvement.

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