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Thread: I'm reserved

  1. #1
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Default I'm reserved

    I love listening, I'd rather listen to some one ramble on about their life than have to talk. I hate when people think that just because I'm not saying anything that I'm not interested. I simply have nothing to add. I like people who talk a lot, I like leaders, I'm a follower. I prefer others to make the plans and I just go along, I don't mind helping out you just have to tell me what you want me to do. I'm not going to ask, I don't mean to be rude, it just doesn't occur to me to ask. But I also cherish me time, but more than anything I love going out, so many things and people to meet and learn about. I like small talk, yes I like strangers on the bus telling me their life story, I don't get annoyed by it unless I'm tired than I put in headphones and listen to music.

    anyone else relate to this?
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  2. #2
    figsfiggyfigs
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I love listening, I'd rather listen to some one ramble on about their life than have to talk. I hate when people think that just because I'm not saying anything that I'm not interested. I simply have nothing to add. I like people who talk a lot, I like leaders, I'm a follower. I prefer others to make the plans and I just go along, I don't mind helping out you just have to tell me what you want me to do. I'm not going to ask, I don't mean to be rude, it just doesn't occur to me to ask. But I also cherish me time, but more than anything I love going out, so many things and people to meet and learn about. I like small talk, yes I like strangers on the bus telling me their life story, I don't get annoyed by it unless I'm tired than I put in headphones and listen to music.

    anyone else relate to this?

    Yes, I strongly relate to the bolded part, and can not relate at all to the rest.

  3. #3
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I hate when people think that just because I'm not saying anything that I'm not interested.
    I hear this SO much. People assuming that I am either not enjoying myself or not interested just because I am silent.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  4. #4
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I love listening, I'd rather listen to some one ramble on about their life than have to talk. I hate when people think that just because I'm not saying anything that I'm not interested. I simply have nothing to add. I like people who talk a lot, I like leaders, I'm a follower. I prefer others to make the plans and I just go along, I don't mind helping out you just have to tell me what you want me to do. I'm not going to ask, I don't mean to be rude, it just doesn't occur to me to ask. But I also cherish me time, but more than anything I love going out, so many things and people to meet and learn about. I like small talk, yes I like strangers on the bus telling me their life story, I don't get annoyed by it unless I'm tired than I put in headphones and listen to music.

    anyone else relate to this?
    You are not alone.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Trentham's Avatar
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    I related to about half of it.

    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I love listening, I'd rather listen to some one ramble on about their life than have to talk. I hate when people think that just because I'm not saying anything that I'm not interested. I simply have nothing to add. I like people who talk a lot, I like leaders, I'm a follower. I prefer others to make the plans and I just go along, I don't mind helping out you just have to tell me what you want me to do. I'm not going to ask, I don't mean to be rude, it just doesn't occur to me to ask. But I also cherish me time, but more than anything I love going out, so many things and people to meet and learn about. I like small talk, yes I like strangers on the bus telling me their life story, I don't get annoyed by it unless I'm tired than I put in headphones and listen to music.

    anyone else relate to this?
    83% I 70% N 64% T 73% P | 5w4 sp/so/sx | Chaotic Good

  6. #6
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I also like ENTJs, I think the fact that they're natural leaders and I'm a natural follower the dynamic works. I'm more comfortable in the supportive/following role, and they seem to be more comfortable in the take charge role. At least that's what I understand. Plus they're awesome, in my book.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  7. #7
    Giggity Vie's Avatar
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    I tend to interrupt people when they are talking. A lot of people don't think I'm interested because I do that, and I know how it comes across, but I want the conversation to move forward. Conversations that don't MOVE forward irritate me if it's not with someone I care about. I feel as though I already know what the gist of what the person is going to say, and I interrupt with a solution to fix it. It's a really horrible habit. I've gotten loads better at it lately though, and I try to really listen to what people are saying when they feel the need to vent or rant. I find myself thinking in my head, however, ways to fix their problems -- sometimes I never tell the person, because I guess that really isn't the point of being a listener. :/
    I'm envious of your abilities to be a great listener!

  8. #8
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I love listening, I'd rather listen to some one ramble on about their life than have to talk. I hate when people think that just because I'm not saying anything that I'm not interested. I simply have nothing to add. I like people who talk a lot, I like leaders, I'm a follower. I prefer others to make the plans and I just go along, I don't mind helping out you just have to tell me what you want me to do. I'm not going to ask, I don't mean to be rude, it just doesn't occur to me to ask. But I also cherish me time, but more than anything I love going out, so many things and people to meet and learn about. I like small talk, yes I like strangers on the bus telling me their life story, I don't get annoyed by it unless I'm tired than I put in headphones and listen to music.

    anyone else relate to this?
    I can relate to some things you mentioned. I prefer to let other people do the talking initially always. Being able to ask the right questions helps them feel at ease. I'm a natural listener, I used to think it was a skill, that whole two ears, but only one mouth thing. But now I know its just a person's preference. A skill is to be able to step away from that, I suppose. When people ask me a lot of personal questions straight away, it puts me off guard and I feel uncomfortable. But that doesn't happen much because most people adore talking about themselves to someone who seems interested, stranger or no. They will do this with abandon, but its not necessarily as though random people on the street start talking to me in depth as soon as I am in range, like some other people describe - I can give off a chilly vibe without intending. Yet when people yammer on too much without ever taking a moment to consider the listener (me) or show any curiosity or much awareness outside of themselves I feel some tiny granules of contempt in my secret mind. Its so subtle. Obviously, its like I'm setting them up to fail and they are innocently unaware. It's almost like a detection method, I'm straining to hear something, some shared language, some precise timbre.
    I'm not proud of this.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    I tend to interrupt people when they are talking. A lot of people don't think I'm interested because I do that, and I know how it comes across, but I want the conversation to move forward. Conversations that don't MOVE forward irritate me if it's not with someone I care about. I feel as though I already know what the gist of what the person is going to say, and I interrupt with a solution to fix it. It's a really horrible habit. I've gotten loads better at it lately though, and I try to really listen to what people are saying when they feel the need to vent or rant. I find myself thinking in my head, however, ways to fix their problems -- sometimes I never tell the person, because I guess that really isn't the point of being a listener. :/
    I'm envious of your abilities to be a great listener!
    I interrupt occassionally, but I'd like to think I listen more. Fairly balanced on that. I was kind of taken aback though by a (ESTJ) friend awhile back who accused me of interrupting him often and said "Do you know you're kind of overbearing?" And then his brother agreed too. Made me feel like shit. I think they're taking it too personally though.. if I'm engaged, it means I enjoy the company. Maybe I start rambling and get a little stoked when the subject holds my interest (I rarely offer input in a directive sense though.. more like just hashing out ideas and interesting facts).

    Anyways, I don't care to lead...I guess I'm a follower. Mostly because I'm lazy and prefer people who want to be on top of things like that. To each their own. Occasionally I need them to switch gears or know something though. I'll scratch their back if they scratch mine..?

  10. #10
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    I interrupt occassionally, but I'd like to think I listen more. Fairly balanced on that. I was kind of taken aback though by a (ESTJ) friend awhile back who accused me of interrupting him often and said "Do you know you're kind of overbearing?" And then his brother agreed too. Made me feel like shit. I think they're taking it too personally though.. if I'm engaged, it means I enjoy the company. Maybe I start rambling and get a little stoked when the subject holds my interest (I rarely offer input in a directive sense though.. more like just hashing out ideas and interesting facts).
    My family is like this - they talk over each other, not because they are not interested in what the other person is saying, but because they are sooo interested in it that they are excited and eager to participate in the conversation. I've picked it up from them a little, when I am excited anyway. For this reason, I don't ascribe bad motive to those who interrupt. I do prefer if they voluntarily pause here & there to let me talk, as I'd rather not interrupt them, and I do sometimes have things to say. People who don't allow others to talk at all can frustrate me. When I was younger, my mom would hush everyone to let me talk (since I am usually quiet), but then that put a spotlight/pressure on me that I did not like. I've learned to interrupt with people who have that style (especially if the conversation is "animated"), but I feel bad when I do it with someone who does not communicate that way.....It doesn't happen too much as I'm not usually that quick to process what they're saying & create a response.

    I can relate to the OP as far as not always having something to say, but that does not mean lack of interest for me either. I can simply be tongue-tied, especially with someone I admire. I appreciate in these moments when the other person takes the lead in conversation, but I also appreciate when they show interest in my thoughts also. I'm often reserved so as to conserve energy, and I have little need to express, but when I have some energy, a need to express, & am comfortable with the people present, then I can be somewhat animated.

    I wouldn't call myself a follower or a leader. I can do both if I need to, but I tend to be a loner more than anything. It doesn't occur to me to offer to help people either; I'm bad at spotting practical ways to show I care. In that sense, I respond well to some gentle direction/prodding.

    So I suppose I am mostly reserved, but I can have moments of animation.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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