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  1. #51
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    Quiet and awkward. In school I was verbally and physically bullied a lot. I've been beat up by girls I didn't even know, and to this day have no clue what I did to piss them off. I didn't talk to many people and I stared at the ground when I walked. I made very good grades with very little effort. I was supposed to be enrolled in the gifted program, but I thought all of the students in Gifted were pretentious assholes so I never went. I spent a lot of time in the art room painting. After school I stayed in my room and played WoW almost every day, all day. I never really went out.

    I was, however, asked to prom 3 years in a row - which really surprised me. The first year I went to prom, people in my own classes didn't realize who I was. A kid who had been in nearly every one of my classes for 2 years asked me what my name was and asked me if I went to a high school near ours.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  2. #52
    Senior Member WildCard's Avatar
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    Life as a teenager... Heh, really wasn't all that long ago to be honest. I probably still count as a teenager since I still have those "major f**k up" moments. Though, according to Dr. Phil (How I HATE that man) I'm a "young adult".

    13-15: A lot happened in those years. My parents got divorced and I was stuck in the middle. Had hardly any contact with my dad and was young enough to believe everything my mother said about him. I switched schools in the middle of the school year, going from where I was comfortable to a "out in the boonies" country school that still had pretty archaic views of what each sex should wear. I was shy, but had a lot of anger. Visited with my dad once or twice, but completely stopped by the time I was fourteen.

    I was socially miserable. I dressed like a tomboy, and since my father had served as a Army Ranger, I wore a lot of his old clothes. They were very baggy, and I wore no make-up. My favorite shoes were combat boots (my size) that he would send for my birthday each year. Rumors that I was a dyke flowed like honey and I frequently came home miserable.

    I had a lot of repressed anger, and I didn't express emotions very well. I became extremely anti-social. I usually went to school and came home. I spent a lot of time with the animals in the woods. I was the "model" child both at home and school. I had no backbone and would do anything for the sake of approval.

    16-19: Somewhere I finally opened up and became a chatterbox. Still ignored fashion and was a tomboy more on principle than anything. Didn't much care about the dating game and figured that if people said I was gay, then I probably was. I never dated chicks, and still was socially awkward. I actually made friends with my teachers, though I think they did it more out of pity than anything.

    My senior year of high school I had a lot of anger, both towards my peers and both my parents. I wasn't rebellious (remember, no backbone) but I did do my best to prove people wrong when it was in my best interest. I graduated, and strictly against my mother's wishes, joined the Marines. She didn't speak to me the entire time I was in basic training.

    By the time I was nineteen, I had radically changed. I didn't give a flying flip what my "peers" thought, or what anyone else cared. I took pride in myself and had a temper to match. I didn't back down from anyone except cops or those in the armed forces. Once my mother saw me, she said that it had changed me for the better.

    I guess it did. I had finally decided that I was not gay, though I still won't sleep around with guys. That was something I still stubbornly cling to.

    Started to visit with my dad again, though we frequently canceled on each other.

    20-21: Mellowed out quite a bit. Not nearly as angry, though I keep the temper. I still don't tolerate disrespect to anyone, or guys that are only interested in one thing. I have two close friends who I wouldn't trade for an whole army of followers. Have a rather shaky relationship with my father, though I still manage to piss my mother off.

    I've gotten involved with several clubs and started back to drawing. I think I'm going through another period of change, mostly mental, because my subconscious has been a chaotic mess spewing into my dreams.
    Anything that you haven't fought for isn't going to be appreciated. It takes blood, sweat, and a large amount of tears before you appreciate what you have.

  3. #53
    Consulting Detective Mr. Sherlock Holmes's Avatar
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    That's a very interesting story, Wildcard.
    JiNe
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    "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

    "It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts."

  4. #54
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Oh, and according to what my sister told me today, "you always knew what you wanted," "but it's not like it was random - you always had good reasons," and "if you had strong conviction on something, you were like an unstoppable force". I guess this applied to childhood overall - not just as a teenager.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

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  5. #55
    A window to the soul
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    Nerdy on the inside.

  6. #56
    Probably Most Brilliant Craft's Avatar
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    My early years of teenagehood was "Nothing". Empty, barren, a lack of purpose in life, a lack of goals. I didn't understand what to do, I didn't understand my natural disposition and what things I can do to find purpose. I failed school, I didn't care for anything. Then it struck me, I like talking(in person) to people about ideas. And now, I still have that purposeful idea embedded in me, though I am still a lost teenager, I have a path I can try out.

  7. #57
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
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    Early Teens: Cheeky and lazy, everything and everyone was an opportunity for a pisstake (in my eyes there was no malice in it). My friends and I would compete and egg each other on to goof off the most, we weren't "bad" as in beating people up but we were certainly disruptive. I spent most of class joking around or drawing in my text books, yet did surprisingly well in exams with little effort.

    Late teens: Most of my friends gradually dropped out or changed schools, this sucked a lot of the life out of school, so I suppose I matured a bit and became more focused on work and withdrawn. These were easygoing times where I'd take each day as it comes, my ease with exams earlier had made me complacent and I failed most things because I never really studied (eventually learned how to study at Uni and did well). Around this time I was very quiet and is probably the thing people most noticed about me, I was a better person though, kinder and more open to different kinds of people. It was almost as if I'd gone from a ESTP persona to an INFJ persona,a complete reversal.
    Act your age not your enneagram number.

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  8. #58
    LL P. Stewie Beorn's Avatar
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    13-14: Very socially uncomfortable. I felt I had a place inside the classroom, but during lunch when we were free to associate with whom we wanted I felt very uncomfortable. I was rejected by the nerds, several of whom I had been friends with during elementary school. I spent a lot of time sitting alone or going to the library during lunch. After a while I sucked it up and sat with the meathead jocks. This led to me getting into several fights, but at least I wasn't ignored. I did well in most of my classes and began an advanced track. I was pretty depressed during most of this period and put on a decent amount of weight.

    15-18: Switched to a small private school. This was much more comfortable because the class sizes were so small that everyone was pretty much forced to socialized with one another. I still endured mockery, but much of this I brought on myself since I played the fool and developed a keen ability to figure out and say the most idiotic thing at any given time. I actually viewed myself as an extrovert and class clown. I began playing basketball and soccer and by my senior year I was a decent player. I was obsessed with music. The more obscure the better. I was constantly thinking about girls, but I never dated anyone.
    Take the weakest thing in you
    And then beat the bastards with it
    And always hold on when you get love
    So you can let go when you give it

  9. #59
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I was very quiet and shy, from the beginning. (Funny, huh?) I kept to myself and liked to be alone. My mother even now says that I never talked much; and apparently I learned how to read on my own, something my parents only found out when my kindergarten teacher finked on me.

    I think on the surface I looked like an enigma. I was very soft-spoken (if not silent), and I was polite and compliant. I was at the top of my class academically without effort, and I was talented musically. Only my closest friends knew I had a sharp wit and was very creative. I was teased in middle school for being different and for my successes, because I had no real way to connect socially and so I was an outsider.

    My life happened inside of me. I spent a lot of time daydreaming when I was growing up; and I used books to take me to far-away places, to meet new people and experience life through their eyes, to understand the world around me. I really wanted to understand how the world worked, and so I read voraciously (coming home with bags of books from weekly trips to the library), and I'd go out by myself, ride my bike for miles all over the countryside, exploring fields, streams, trees, examining things. I liked the feeling of freedom and exploration. And when I was alone, I didn't have to be what anyone else wanted me to be. I didn't even have to think about who or what I was; I just could do and be whatever I was feeling at the time.

    Overall, I was very unhappy growing up due to my parents' problems and the impact of them on our family. I felt very alone and abandoned, and I felt a lot of pressure to not make waves and to please the people around me as much as I could, to keep them off my back. This meant internalizing a lot of who I was. To many people, I'd seem moody; I could be fine one moment, then suddenly snap about something and then withdraw to be alone. Inside, everything was very rational -- I knew exactly why I was responding the way I was, but to people outside of me who did not see my thinking process, they just saw me as moody.

    The piano was intuitive for me; and when I was a teenager or even in college, when I was depressed or swallowed by aches of loneliness, I would sit in the pitch-darkness and play whatever came to mind, making things up as I went; it was the only way I could voice what I was feeling, since words were not good enough. The same sort of thing, I'd accomplish by playing music softly late at night in the dark before going to bed. I could lay there for an hour or two, just listening.

    The only other way (besides creativity) that I could avoid the internal gulf was to be funny; and I was always trying to make people laugh. I could be very goofy. I once was elected as "Airhead of the Summer" on a camp trip from all my peers, because of how goofy I could be in order to pick up my spirits. But inside, I was still aching.

    I don't know how I feel about my childhood. I would like to say that it was the most awful experience of my life, and yet a lot of the time I spent alone, learning and daydreaming and exploring, was beautiful. I feel like if my family situation had been different and I had felt understood and loved for who I was rather than who I could pretend to be, I would have been a lot happier. What's funny to me today is that I now have rekindled friendship with peers from high school, and I think they liked and respected me a lot more than I had ever realized, and have positive memories of me. I wish I had been able to perceive that goodwill at the time.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #60
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I don't know how I feel about my childhood. I would like to say that it was the most awful experience of my life, and yet a lot of the time I spent alone, learning and daydreaming and exploring, was beautiful.
    This is how I feel, too. I didn't like the situations that drove me away to explore the forest, or read, or draw, but that part was still fun.
    -end of thread-

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