This all started at my last job. My manager was one of those characters that just couldn't mind his own business. By the end of my time there I found out that my computer screen was constantly being monitored by him. I thought I was a solid performer, but basically it seemed like everyone would make up some garbage about me, they would end up on the list that could "keep an eye on me" and by the end just about everyone around me could sit and watch what I was doing. (I don't mean physically, but through some software).
This guy pretended to like me, but was so full of shit I just had to quit. I BAILED. Learning this INFURIATED me.
Now my observation from the previous job is turning into irrational panic at my new place. I might be wrong/right, I'm not sure, but I'm also getting vibes here that I'm being watched, as in they are. I understand that a company has to have security to protect their "assets," but once again I get the sense that I'm being monitored so heavily that they might be violating my human rights. I'm in the tech industry (Software Engineer), and I'm just hoping to God that me being African-American has nothing to do with this. It would be an easy explanation, but I just don't want to go there.
Anyway, this fear that I'm being watched is basically crippling my drive to work. That's why I left the last place. Basically it has me filled to the brim with resentment and remorse, and I'm just not in a good place.
I'm also getting paranoid fears that these people are trying to force me to their will, by making every other option lead to failure. They claimed to have hired the best in the world for their "independent thinking" and entrepreneurial mindset, but it seems they are trying to break my spirit and have me as another monkey to chitter-chat with a keyboard for 14 hours, getting in at 9am then leaving when they are satisfied.
How do I find out if I'm being watched, and if so, how much?
How do I deal with this mental block, so that I can start doing the stuff I want to do?
How do I avoid becoming the conforming yes man brown nosing little shit that will land me in a psych ward somewhere?
I'm going nuts, help!
Feel free to tell me I'm nuts, this is just driving me crazy!