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  1. #1
    Guerilla Urbanist Brendan's Avatar
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    Default So who's met with online dating success?

    I've met about five guys over the internet. Online, they're funny, witty, etc. In person, they are not. Someone told me the other day that close to half of all new relationships now start online, and I just ain't buyin' it. Any success stories? What am I doing wrong here?
    There is no such thing as separation from God.

  2. #2
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    IME just like with people you meet/date IRL, you're gonna have more misses than you do hits. When I was still dating i had plenty of success using OKCupid, but i had more "nice, good friend but no thanks", as well as some miserable failures. It's not a recipe for instant success, just another medium to meet people. I doubt you're doing anything "wrong", just keep looking.

    what site are you using? I honestly found OKCupid to be significantly superior in finding people that were of interest to me (and vice versa) due to their methods of matching you up (plus the fun quizzes), so if you're not there give that a try? or answer more questions if you are. but in the end, if it's not for you then it's not for you.
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  3. #3
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I've met a lot of online people and this was some times with a romantic intention. Tho I never really developed ever a longterm relationship from any of those meetings, it at least ended in a long and good friendship.

    When I was younger, I never really met the people I liked in discotheques or in bars, so maybe I was always looking somehow for the more quieter introverted type. While partieing outside, I was most often to shy or too drunk or both to talk to people and this was another problem too.

    So we had back then this online room where mostly people from my hometown joined. There were always like 40 people tops in it and a lot of discussions were going parallely which enabled you to get to know new people quite fast. I made a lot of friends in that time and the few romantical encounters I had were intresting too online, but never really developed in real life. I wouldnt say tho that this happened because online dating doesnt work, I was kinda fastidious that time because I didnt know what I wanted for myself, so there wasnt much chance for love from the start.

    A funny time it was tho and I wouldnt miss it nowadays, I dont think I have gotten to know so many different people back then without the internet. Just too shy / drunk for that
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  4. #4
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    i have never, and will never try any of those websites.

    strangely enough no matter what website i go to there's
    always someone who contacts me; local networking websites,
    networking websites like facebook, or like this forum. i dont
    even initiate contact, but its beause im always trying to shield
    myself from people, women especially.

    i don't even know what would've happened if i met all these
    women that's contacted me online, or kept all these women in
    my "address books". there has been some women i've had on
    msn over longer periods of time, like years, but those weren't
    even women i would bother getting in touch with, ever. and
    after a while i just deleted them because they annoyed the
    hell out of me with their; "why does this guy do this?" asking
    me for relationship advice, when i've only been in one serious
    relationship in my entire life, and it didn't even last for more
    than six months before _i_ got tired and gave up on her.

    silly women, asking me, i don't know shit about relationships.

    but one thing i do know; everything is bound to fail anyway,
    so why bother trying. i look at all my friends and they hook up
    with people and then it fails after a while, they hook up again
    a short while after with somebody else and then it fails again,
    it's like they're on a loop. i can't understand why they keep on
    disappointing themselves purposefully like that.

    why sure, i hate being alone and i want to be in a relationship,
    but i don't go out and look for it. and even if i did go out and
    looked for it, then what? that's like literally pushing myself
    towards disappointment. i say screw that. i say give up and
    try to find a way to live your life alone, that's the best solution.
    i could've said that to anyone who's hit thirdy, but now i'm
    thinking more in the lines of everyone who's not found anyone
    by the time they hit twenty should just give up.

    i've never hooked up with a hooker before, but i'm quite positive
    i might do it sooner than i might think because i cant handle
    heartaches, and i can't live without intimacy.

    love is an epic conundrum, folks, that's just the way it is.

  5. #5
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    I dunno, I've either dated or hooked up with some guys I met on-line. I was in a relationship for five years with someone I met on the Internet. I really don't see how it's any different from meeting someone anywhere else, except that you have more options and can kind of get to know someone's personality first.

    Oh, don't be surprised that introverts are introverts. That's what the OP sounds like... a bitter complaint that these guys who are sparkly in writing aren't so good with talking.

  6. #6
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I actually got 3 of my 4 bfs off the internet
    I like shopping there

    The thing is, you can get to know people online, and you can have a great bond there, but you cannot have expectations till you've met them in person. I've found that a meeting is crucial to actually *having* a relationship.

    Many factors just are determined in that first meeting, some biological (pheromones, for instance, very important), the way he carries himself, how much they put up a facade online, or for that matter drop irl-masks to be free, and how much of himself he showed online due to that (other aspects of his personality will be pushed to the background if he's there unwinding), etc etc.

    So yeah...always verify the goods irl, but don't worry, there are some awesome bargains online


    Edit: I second Marm's guess at the introvert-thing! One of mine was also an introvert, and he sounded really confident and almost arrogant and cocky online, but irl, since he kept that all inside, it...took me a while before I was let in to see that stuff again, and it was never as pronounced as online
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  7. #7
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    I don't know if it was just circumstantial, but at least 2 girls online fell for me pretty quickly. One wanted to marry me after a month. Another turned out to be of those webcam girls (that don't actually exist in real life), and a dominatrix to boot. She just sat around home putting on shows in front of her laptop. Screenname: my_sweetdelusion. Also, she wrote a lot of angsty poetry about waiting for some "Apollo" like figure to rescue her from her private hell.. yet she bragged about kicking guys out of her bed. What a romantic. She looked like a young Ellen Barkin (basically a badass platinum blonde). She was really presumptuous too, and wanted to change my name (simply because of one her friend's dogs had the same name). A part of me was scared of her, but I completely disarmed her somehow, and she started fantasizing how we should move to "Chinatown" (there isn't a Chinatown in a thousand mile radius, so I'm not sure what she was on about). And... umm.. well yeah. Is this "success"? I don't think so. Besides, not once has a "normal" woman given me the time of day. They keep breaking my heart and marrying cops.

  8. #8
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    I actually got 3 of my 4 bfs off the internet
    I like shopping there

    The thing is, you can get to know people online, and you can have a great bond there, but you cannot have expectations till you've met them in person. I've found that a meeting is crucial to actually *having* a relationship.

    Many factors just are determined in that first meeting, some biological (pheromones, for instance, very important), the way he carries himself, how much they put up a facade online, or for that matter drop irl-masks to be free, and how much of himself he showed online due to that (other aspects of his personality will be pushed to the background if he's there unwinding), etc etc.

    So yeah...always verify the goods irl, but don't worry, there are some awesome bargains online


    Edit: I second Marm's guess at the introvert-thing! One of mine was also an introvert, and he sounded really confident and almost arrogant and cocky online, but irl, since he kept that all inside, it...took me a while before I was let in to see that stuff again, and it was never as pronounced as online
    Basically what she said.

    Gotta be careful with the damn introverts. The safety of the computer screen gives them some of them confidence. For myself, I'm extremely subdued in person at first but I'll reflect whatever energy level you're expressing. It's why I can probably only date extraverts, going forward. Another introvert, I'd probably just end up staring at them.



  9. #9
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    I'm not an extrovert, but I am Fe in relationships for sure. I have few boundaries, I push, I say exactly what I feel about them. When it comes to just objectively knowing my "territory" and taking what I want though: I'm no extrovert. People ultimately need to tell me what they want, relationships or otherwise.

  10. #10
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    My sister is actually an eHarmony success story. She met her current husband there in her 30's, they dated a year or two, then got engaged. Now she has a baby. They're actually a good match (and it's one of those stereotypical ISTJ/ISFJ matchups); they're happy together.

    So you can actually use online stuff to "screen" for you a bit, which takes way pressure from the cold date / blind date scenario.
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