I don't think I've ever had an accurate self-concept of how attractive I was because most of the women who gave me their opinions on the topic had different standards. If I was gay, then it would be easier to look in the mirror and have a reasonable scope of how attractive I was, but that's not the case.
That doesn't address the question, though. The fact is that I do think that physical attraction is an essential means by which people judge their potential partners. Some people see this as shallow, superficial, or immoral, but there's no escaping it.
I would like to be physically attractive in the eyes of my partner, but I would also not want to surrender myself to them in that way. In other words, I would like there to be a mutual appreciation, both from her and from me, for the way both I and she look. I think I would like to be perceived as "average" by a more consensual standard so that I am overlooked by most, but magnetized by a person who finds an affinity for my particular "tinge".
Luckily, I think I have found that person, but the matter isn't completely settled.
Throughout my life, I have fluctuated in both weight and overall health. The fact that I'm pale as a fucking napkin doesn't make me seem healthy to most people, I bet. In my area, most people have intense tans or of another ethnicity, so I stick out even amongst white people. I may move to some place that's forever caught in winter wonderland so I blend in like a mink.