Okay so I was having a very nice last couple of weeks, and I've been in such a good mood for a long time. Optimistic. Then tonight, I watched American History X for the fourth time or so in my life. It instinctively brought up a mixed bag of old feelings and old questions.
People close to me have told me I have difficulty relaxing and I should cut myself a break. They say I don't allow myself to be happy.
After watching the movie I was reminded how I wanted to be a vigilante when I was a kid, or a teacher or lawyers or a politician...so much fucking hate and injustice in this world brings me down and makes it impossible for me to feel the right to be happy. It got me thinking about living in heaven.
What if I could live in the safest (low crime rate), richest, most peaceful country? What if one could just hide from all the bad realities? I started thinking...."man, I shouldn't have watched that movie...it brought me down"..."maybe I should stop watching sad movies!". Theoretically I could forge the most ideal reality for me. Then I thought...would I really want my kids to grow up in country "Heaven" and not have to deal with anything bad in this world? Would if they had to leave the country one day? Would they be prepared for the world out there?
What about other people? People are suffering out there, and I'm doing nothing to aid them!! I'm sitting here worried about this dispute I had with a friend, or what I'm gonna do for myself....what about others? Is it morally right to try and be happy without harming others but not ACTIVELY trying to make other people happy?
Now, one obviously cannot obsess over little children in Sudan dying of hunger everyday....one would go mad.....but do you ever think about this? Do you have any thoughts on the subject?
(PS: Sorry if the post is incoherent. I was overall the place when I was thinking it up. I could have explained it a whole lot better too, but I'm lazy. It makes me happy being lazy you see? )