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  1. #1
    Senior Member InsatiableCuriosity's Avatar
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    Default How do YOU deal with perpetual victims?

    It is end of semester and I have been thinking of specific incidents with students during the year so far, and how each of us (INTP, ESTJ, ESFJ, ISFP, INTJ) deal with self-proclaimed *victims* as opposed to real victims.

    There seem to be smatterings in almost every forum in which I have participated.

    I am curious to see whether:

    1. you are an enabler
    2. you ignore this behaviour
    3. you are verbally dismissive towards them
    4. you try to correct them
    5. any other approach you might have
    "Study hard what interests you the most in the most undisciplined, irreverent and original manner possible."
    — Richard P. Feynman

    "Never tell a person a thing is impossible. G*d/the Universe may have been waiting all this time for someone ignorant enough of the impossibility to do just that thing."
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  2. #2
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I generally fall between no nonsense telling it like it is and being an enabler... I'll serve you icecream WHILE telling you that it's the reason that you've put on weight, for instance
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  3. #3
    Senior Member InsatiableCuriosity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I generally fall between no nonsense telling it like it is and being an enabler... I'll serve you icecream WHILE telling you that it's the reason that you've put on weight, for instance
    You would make a great devil's advocate! LOL
    "Study hard what interests you the most in the most undisciplined, irreverent and original manner possible."
    — Richard P. Feynman

    "Never tell a person a thing is impossible. G*d/the Universe may have been waiting all this time for someone ignorant enough of the impossibility to do just that thing."
    author unknown

  4. #4
    Senior Member Abstract Thinker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I generally fall between no nonsense telling it like it is and being an enabler... I'll serve you icecream WHILE telling you that it's the reason that you've put on weight, for instance
    That works perfectly for me.

    A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

  5. #5
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    most of the time such an approach is not appreciated... just because it's contradictory, but I'm just doing what I was asked to do (by my own rationalization of the situation!)

    people should quit playing the perpetual victim so that I don't look like a crazy person any more than necissary
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  6. #6
    Senior Member InsatiableCuriosity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    people should quit playing the perpetual victim so that I don't look like a crazy person any more than necissary
    I couldn't agree with you more!! I seem to have a fairly reliable BS radar where self-proclaimed victimhood is concerned and get quite peeved that these people take up so much energy around them when many real victims suffer in silence.
    "Study hard what interests you the most in the most undisciplined, irreverent and original manner possible."
    — Richard P. Feynman

    "Never tell a person a thing is impossible. G*d/the Universe may have been waiting all this time for someone ignorant enough of the impossibility to do just that thing."
    author unknown

  7. #7
    Senior Member Abstract Thinker's Avatar
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    Yeah, I blew this one.

    I'm not a perpetual victim at all, but that approach works for me... for news that might sting a little.

    Should have read the thread title more carefully.

  8. #8
    Senior Member InsatiableCuriosity's Avatar
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    Semi-related - Interestingly there was a research project done by an American Nurse and a British Nurse several years ago about how the different temperaments would prefer to receive bad news about their health. There were some very distinct differences. I wish I could remember where I put that journal.
    "Study hard what interests you the most in the most undisciplined, irreverent and original manner possible."
    — Richard P. Feynman

    "Never tell a person a thing is impossible. G*d/the Universe may have been waiting all this time for someone ignorant enough of the impossibility to do just that thing."
    author unknown

  9. #9
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    God helps those who help themselves.

    Although a creature of great empathy, my time and resources are precious and limited.

    Therefore, I will not waste them on those who do not ask for my assistance, or those who do not obviously need it.

    Don't get me wrong, I will let no evil occur before me, but at the same time I will not try to save someone who has a verified propensity for self destruction from themself.
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  10. #10
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Yes. I put as much distance as possible between me and that person, so they can do their thing without me having anything whatsoever to do about it.

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