User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 66

  1. #21
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    Yin
    Enneagram
    One sx/sp
    Posts
    13,909

    Default

    I'm very much of the correctional mentality. I try to be composed and accurate in explaining to the person the real situation as I see it.

    I don't actively prevent people from making their mistakes, but I am not an enabler in the slightest. Along with my correcting their take on things, I am very overtly passively resistant. I would, for example, refuse to bring cigarettes to someone who was temporarily immobile, even if a pack were at the other end of the room.

    I think I can carry this on for a pretty long time. I admit that after a certain point I start entering the field of the verbally dismissive.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


    _________________________________
    INTP. Type 1>6>5. sx/sp.
    Live and let live will just amount to might makes right

  2. #22
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    I'm primarily an enabler, but I'm getting less patient with age.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  3. #23
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    3,278

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by InsatiableCuriosity View Post
    It is end of semester and I have been thinking of specific incidents with students during the year so far, and how each of us (INTP, ESTJ, ESFJ, ISFP, INTJ) deal with self-proclaimed *victims* as opposed to real victims.

    There seem to be smatterings in almost every forum in which I have participated.

    I am curious to see whether:

    1. you are an enabler
    2. you ignore this behaviour
    3. you are verbally dismissive towards them
    4. you try to correct them
    5. any other approach you might have
    All five.. It really depends. Everything always depends.

  4. #24
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,879

    Default

    2-5.

    This kind of behavior often provokes a knee-jerk reaction of impatience and disgust. I'm quick to cry, "That's stupid!" Unfortunately (or fortunately), I am also able to see why a person's personality, circumstances, and past events might influence them to behave in such a manner. I may see it as an unacceptable way to behave but it's usually very clear why they do what they do.

    I'm too ambivalent for my own good.

  5. #25
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by InsatiableCuriosity View Post
    I am curious to see whether:

    1. you are an enabler
    2. you ignore this behaviour
    3. you are verbally dismissive towards them
    4. you try to correct them
    5. any other approach you might have
    I try to be understanding of someone's situation, but with people I've decided after prolonged interaction/observation are self-proclaimed victims, I typically:

    1. Ignore them or give them the barest amount of interaction possible.
    2. Provide indirect examples/commentary within earshot that, if they're listening, might give them a hint. (but that one doesn't work well, I've learned, sigh.)
    3. End up doing "tough love" and laying it all out for them. SOmetimes I'm patient, sometimes I'm stern. Sometimes I'm stern first, then ease up if they really listen and show that they really want to understand.
    4. Let someone else with more patience deal with them.
    5. If I'm really at the end of my rope, I can get verbally dismissive, which I don't like to do ... so I avoid if I can.

    I don't particularly enjoy doling out tough love either because it's a headache for everyone, and sometimes they're not ready for it anyway; so I typically avoid them so I won't inadvertently engage when they aren't ready. I also recognize that, if I dole out "tough love" and they give me more information/insight that recasts the situation, I need to be willing to change my perspective... so it's a commitment on my part as well as theirs.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #26
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    4 so/sp
    Posts
    6,931

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Depends how obvious it is that they have no intention of changing things. Usually though, I tend to 1) get to know them well enough to make sure I've correctly seen reoccuring patterns 2) if there's reoccuring complaining, I become more blunt than usual and point out what is not working for them or the root cause I see 3) Be wary if they are too embracing of or too prickly towards suggestion made. 4) Let them be if they aren't interested in finding a solution/resolution.
    Yeah, I guess I might give the benefit of the doubt initially, but once I'm certain they're reenacting a pattern or their entire life consists of drama, woe-is-me-crap, and they have no intention of solving for anything or taking responsibility/personal accountability, I basically leave them and don't put up with any of it anymore. The telling sign is when they react very poorly to my little nudges in another direction or get angry when I try to show another perspective. But while I'm still trying to figure out whether they're just in a single lowpoint, or whether it's their Life Theme, I'll tend to just listen but also not really validate a lot of their stuff either.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

    My Photography and Watercolor Fine Art Prints!!! Cascade Colors Fine Art Prints
    https://docs.google.com/uc?export=do...Gd5N3NZZE52QjQ

  7. #27
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    yupp
    Posts
    29,781

    Default

    Am I perpetual victim? I know weird question, but I'm a bit high and now I'm wondering

  8. #28
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    I'm preachy in a sarcastic way.

  9. #29
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    8,263

    Default

    I play Frankie Goes to Hollywood, have lots of (gay) sex with them, and send them on their way.

    Maybe I should give Tough Love a shot.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    9 so/sx
    Posts
    21,653

    Default

    Hmm, I dont know, I would be keen to wade in and say that I'm a mortal enemy of people who are in love with their sadness, misery or flex masochistic, I dont like it in real life at all and find it hard and fast companion to personal irresponsibility ALL THE TIME.

    Although I've been in the position of being falsely accused of playing the victim and equally others have shown a real fear of taking my quarter because they had been labelled as enabling.

    In the instance I'm talking about I'd used ignore functions, threats, repeated consistent, simple statements that I wouldnt be engaging with the person who'd singled me out, they didnt just troll me on that forum but stalked me across the web and left comments on reviews I'd left on Amazon suggesting I'd not read the books and things to that effect.

    It was serious nuisance behaviour and I've got to say that when absolutely everything failed and I got stressed out with it there was nothing in the way of what I'd regard even basic solidarity. Then someone posted points similar to those made by the OP but framed differently, damsels in distress, white knights, rescuers etc.

    It bothered me because without doing too sophisticated an analysis it wasnt difficult to see and say why does this particular poster doggedly hound this other one, especially when they have given them no cause and have repeatedly requested that they relent.

    From the school yard to the present day workplace I inhabit I've seen all the way people side with the power and enable the bully and admonish the victim, whether the victim makes a song and dance about it or not or whether they are a masochistic type or not (which truly I do dislike and disdain, martyr and persecution complexes are truly terrible and draining to be around). I tend to think that's the worse thing. On forums or any place else.

    The idea that trolling can be something other than a prejorative label for socially unacceptable behaviour is indicative of this sort of thing and its foul, foul, foul.

Similar Threads

  1. [MBTItm] INTJs, how do you deal with/feel about Te?
    By Uytuun in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 07-27-2014, 01:12 PM
  2. [NT] NTs, how do you deal with Reality...
    By rivercrow in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 06-15-2010, 08:45 AM
  3. [NF] NFs: How do you deal with depression?
    By DigitalMethod in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 02-18-2009, 06:35 PM
  4. [NF] NFs, how do you deal with Thinking...
    By SolitaryWalker in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 83
    Last Post: 01-27-2009, 10:34 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO