"Okay, God, just... want you to look down on these girls here. They're like little flowers, and the rain you send 'em gotta be gentle and sweet. We come to you today, and we ask you to just... help 'em... help us grab this pageant by the balls and rip 'em off! I mean, if those judges don't like us, then screw 'em. These girls here - they're talented, they're pretty, and if those judges say anything different, then I hope that on Judgement Day you put their asses through a meat grinder!... Amen."
"This is the captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then - explode."
"Excuse me? I believe you have my stapler?"
"Congratulations, Reg. It's a... squid."
"Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless experience proves you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor IS naked; the truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing; and there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza."
"LEGEND tells of a LEGENDARY warrior whose Kung Fu skills were the stuff of LEGEND..."
"Newton, you know what is out there in the great outdoors! Girls! With brassieres and legs!"
"I am Shiva, god of death."
"Molasses to rum to slaves... Who sail the ships back to Boston - ladened with gold, see it gleam? Whose fortunes are made in the triangle trade? Hail slavery, the New England dream! Mr. Adams, I give you a toast: Hail Boston! Hail Charleston! Who stinketh the most?"
"Abstinence is the best way... to not... is... to not."
"They have survived the burning blade, tamed the savage heart... I will marry both women."
"No more rhymes, I mean it!"
"Anybody want a peanut?"
"look at all these stupid trees stealing my oxygen! i want cement covering every blade of grass in this nation! don't we tax payers have a VOICE anymore?!"
"hello little birdie, want some pizza!?"
"no shirt, no service...get the hell out of my store!"
-"this is america, dude, learn the rules."
"learn the rules? YOU learn the rules! we greeks invented democracy!"
-"you also invented homos.."
-"you wish, you gotta buy me dinner first!"
"i know you asshole!"
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.."