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  1. #21
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    One thing I find interesting is the whole "equally shared parenting" - I wonder if it is feasible in reality. Most women who try to be full-time parents AND full-time employees are probably going burn out pretty quick. But if dad picked up half the slack in childcare, would it take some of the pressure off mom?

    What is Equally Shared Parenting?


    OBVIOUSLY it seems all roses and cherry blossoms when they describe it on the site, but does anyone here have any real life experience with this sort of thing?
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    I have mixed feelings about all of this really.

    In one sense, feminism opened eyes to the gender inequalities prevalent in our society, and demanded change. Equality, to me, is a good thing.

    In the process however, the role of a wife became little more than the poster child of female oppression. Young women in my generation generally scoffed at the prospect of being "just a wife and mother". We were taught we could HAVE IT ALL.

    That's not really true I have discovered; you can have it all, but not necessarily at the same time. Most women now try to be this super-woman raising kids and having a career and just plain being exhausted all the time. I know I did and I was tired all the time too.

    So, to the list: certainly we look at it and laugh now - imagine being that subservient to a husband. But, I do feel happy making my husband happy ... was the complete rejection of the stereotype necessary?
    people in relationships should both do what they can to make the other happy i think...making dinner if you're home and the other one is at work is sweet and thoughtful...being excited to see them when they get home is nice...offering to get each other drinks or treats is nice...just generally trying to be good company is nice...but it's not anymore the woman's job than it is the man's imo

    equality ftmfw!!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
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  3. #23
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by You'reWrongI'mRight View Post
    I think that's great, because it makes you happy, and both of you appreciate and respect each-other and what you do FOR each other. : )


    Personally. I don't just want to conquer the working world, I want to conquer the domestic world. I want to be able to have a great home, and be a fantastic wife and mother, as well as doing a phenomenal job at work at the same time.

    Of course, I hope I can make that reality. I know a lot of people say that this is impossible. But I don' think anything is impossible.
    I think it's probably possible for a lot of people. I suspect it's much harder than it looks, though, and I don't think it's possible for me at this point or up to this point -- though it's probably not too many years off.

    The housewife thing does have it's elements of suckage, but it's still kind of vital to a lot of families. In our situation, my husband works 60-70 hours a week, we have four kids, currently ages 11-17, two of whom have mild autism. I've never been particularly energetic, I don't have a lot of marketable skills, and we don't have a second car.

    We agreed before we ever had kids that they weren't going to spend their childhoods in a daycare center nor come home from school to an empty house -- mostly because that was my husband's experience growing up and he wanted something different for his own children.

    So it's not really financially feasible or particularly desirable that I work now. We have modest lifestyle expectations, so it's no big. I've never been in love with the idea of having a career -- don't even know what I want to do. I do want more money, eventually, though. So I'm sure I'll think of something when the time comes.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #24
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    Not sure what to think of the article. I don’t recall many households operating along the lines it recommends. The few that came closest to fitting the guidelines were those where the wife didn’t work, yet even those couples would have found some of the hints outrageous, but more comical than offensive. I did find the closer they lived these types of rules, the less comfortable their homes felt to me, and I tended to avoid them after the first visit; a setting too proper and formal compared to my usual experience among the families of close friends or relatives.
    The couples I most admired were the ones whose homes made you feel it was okay to be there. One thing they had in common was both parents working, both having nearly equal responsibilities in caring for the home – at least they both appeared to spend about the same amount of time performing chores, with nearly equal time to relax or entertain guests (here the wife had a slight disadvantage since she tended to be the one preparing the meal.)

    If the article reflects the typical family of the 50s, I must have been living in an alternate universe that didn’t subscribe to Housekeeping Monthly. Still, I think it’s interesting to consider that it was a magazine that appealed to women, meaning this type of article either satisfied the one who paid money to read it, or that it was meant as comic relief. I know my mother, her sisters, and all but one of the husbands would have shared a laugh at such rules. What I can’t imagine is that husbands bought the magazine, forcing wives to read it.

    But then my mother always worked, and my father did 24 hour shifts. Outdoors she landscaped and gardened, he mowed the lawn and shoveled/plowed the walk – indoors I saw each of them cooking, sewing, washing dishes, and clothes. I’m not sure I ever saw him vacuum, but then, I never saw her fixing a car. Considering the cars they bought, I think the repair work might overbalance against vacuuming floors. So our home was no more typical of the 50s than the other, master-of-the-house extreme, but at least ours was a closer match to the other households I remember.

    To bad to be true:
    Good Wife's Guide from Housekeeping Magazine 1955
    Last edited by Accept; 06-02-2010 at 05:22 PM. Reason: Research leads to new information
    Naked to unknown forces, fortune evades mere understanding. The trial of effort.
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  5. #25
    One day and the next Rainne's Avatar
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    I feel kinda bad for kids these days.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    So, to the list: certainly we look at it and laugh now - imagine being that subservient to a husband. But, I do feel happy making my husband happy ... was the complete rejection of the stereotype necessary?
    I think the answer to that question depends on the person. For me it's completely necessary to reject the entire stereotype because I want a career and that means more to me than getting married or starting a family. I actually don't want kids, but if I were to have any some day I wouldn't be the one staying at home with them.

    That isn't to knock someone that wants to have those things. I think the important thing now is that a woman can chose which path she wants to walk in life whereas in the past that wasn't always possible. It shouldn't be anit-feminist if you chose to be a mother and stay at home with your kids any more than choosing not to do those things should be a bad things either.

    I think the important part of the feminist movement is simply that now women can have a choice.

  7. #27
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    SO I posted this up on my facebook. and this is what one of my male friends acutally said...


    Just you and women now a days. See how responsible those in the 50s were, and i believe they lived a better life than today. As proof: count the number of divorces
    -_- wow

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by You'reWrongI'mRight View Post
    SO I posted this up on my facebook. and this is what one of my male friends acutally said...

    -_- wow
    Staying married because you will starve if you get a divorce doesn't seem like positive thing to me.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Staying married because you will starve if you get a divorce doesn't seem like positive thing to me.
    but then again she can be happy for not starving if she stays married

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    but then again she can be happy for not starving if she stays married
    That would be the proper attitude, of course. Personally, I think I'd rather live in the projects (as they are in my area) than live with a guy that demanded I do all the stuff in the article. It's these modern times, destroying family values and such.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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