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  1. #1
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Default Flakiness. Or not

    Would you call someone flaky if they said to you on Weds “ok, let’s meet for a drink on Monday or Tuesday night” and you say that’s fine and ask them to let you know which is better for them – you don’t hear back from them for several days, but you don’t chase them up because you know that for a few of those days they have a friend visiting – then on Tuesday (not Monday) they come back and say “sorry, I have a lot on this week, we’ll have to do it another time”?

    Or – am I just uptight, and do I just try so hard to be non-flaky that I let people know by Saturday if I won’t be able to keep our drinks appointment on Mon/Tues?

    The above happened with someone who I would consider at least a bit of a flake, by the way. But I was slightly more annoyed because I hadn’t seen them for ages and I seem to be slipping farther and farther down the priority list. To be fair, they did give me some valid reasons why they have a lot on this week.

    This isn’t a huge big deal, I am just curious to see others’ take on it.
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  2. #2
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    Yeah, I've done the exact same thing a few times. I'm not proud of it but... heh, I can't seem to help the forgetfulness coupled with overestimation of the number of tasks I can fit into an allotted time period. Sometimes, I wonder why my friends don't collectively ditch me.

  3. #3
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    I'm a P, if I don't make a specific time/date then any changes to a suggested idea of when we may meet up isn't officially flaking. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

  4. #4
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    I'm a P, if I don't make a specific time/date then any changes to a suggested idea of when we may meet up isn't officially flaking. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
    Yes...I think this is part of the issue here...
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  5. #5
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Yes...I think this is part of the issue here...
    I see something vague like what was suggested as changeable, I understand it may be frustrating but I don't see it as being flaky, more so inconsiderate. Once something has been set in place it's flaky to vague-out.

  6. #6
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    I see something vague like what was suggested as changeable, I understand it may be frustrating but I don't see it as being flaky, more so inconsiderate. Once something has been set in place it's flaky to vague-out.
    True, it certainly wasn't set in stone. Though the way we'd discussed it, it had sounded like an almost-sure thing that we would meet one of those days. I guess it's more somewhat inconsiderate, at least as far as only being told on Tuesday that Monday/Tuesday weren't going to work this week I guess it's the "low on the priority list" thing that kind of gets to me, but I'm afraid I've had many indications of that from this person in the past, at least on and off...

    This person is undoubtedly P, though I'm not sure about the other letters. This may be yet another indication that P is P, and J is J, and never the twain shall meet...despite all the emphasis on N vs S, I often think that P vs J makes the biggest difference in personality types.
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Would you call someone flaky if they said to you on Weds “ok, let’s meet for a drink on Monday or Tuesday night” and you say that’s fine and ask them to let you know which is better for them – you don’t hear back from them for several days, but you don’t chase them up because you know that for a few of those days they have a friend visiting – then on Tuesday (not Monday) they come back and say “sorry, I have a lot on this week, we’ll have to do it another time”?

    Or – am I just uptight, and do I just try so hard to be non-flaky that I let people know by Saturday if I won’t be able to keep our drinks appointment on Mon/Tues?

    The above happened with someone who I would consider at least a bit of a flake, by the way. But I was slightly more annoyed because I hadn’t seen them for ages and I seem to be slipping farther and farther down the priority list. To be fair, they did give me some valid reasons why they have a lot on this week.

    This isn’t a huge big deal, I am just curious to see others’ take on it.
    personally I would have tried to call them on sunday or monday morning to confirm if they didn't call me by then. I'm pretty lenient with my friends when it comes to these sorts of things because we're all so busy and things often come up at the last minute that we can't control or avoid.

    the real question I guess is do you think the person forgot/cancelled because they don't really care about you that much? If that was the case then I would wait awhile for their schedule to calm down and bring the issue up with them.

    on the other hand if you know the person cares about you and they were just being inconsiderate or forgot due to being overwhelmed then I would let it go. If someone cares about you then their intentions are usually in the right place and part of caring about them is letting things slide when they're not performing optimally. At least that's just my take on things like this.

  8. #8
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    If it's habitual you have two choices: Accept it and deal with it, or pressure them to make things to happen. Personally I react better to the first option but I accept someone letting me know how they feel about something if they believe I've let them down and it may influence my future behaviour.

  9. #9
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    I am a P..
    My P plays no bearing on my manners.
    I am also almost always on time to the minute.
    I also expect people to keep their word even if time and time again the proof says I should expect otherwise.

    In my opinion.. This person was at best "flaky".. and at worst, lacking manners.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    This isn’t a huge big deal, I am just curious to see others’ take on it.
    I threw my watch away into the Karuah River, http://www.campertrailers.org/riverwood50.jpg and haven't made an appointment since.

    Instead I met people during the day. Each meeting has the delight of spontaneity. And each meeting builds on the previous one much as each post builds on the previous one here.

    I look forward to meeting these people during the day, not to mention the dogs and cats and even the possum who welcomes me home on a cold night.

    Of course the watch orders industrial society, while spontaneous intercourse orders the sunny uplands of the service society.

    And when I am served, I always say thank you.

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