. Uptightness comes from having an internal model of the world that one insists upon and becoming upset when reality conflict with it. The most easy-going position is the willingness to take it as it comes and to be able to evolve in response to change.
Or, if you struggle with anxiety (and I have as well), what are ways to become just more relaxed and laid-back about it all?
I fit both of these, depending on the context. In everyday situations, I will go with the flow and it won't irk me one bit if things don't go "according to plan". I'm not a stickler for rules or being on time or anything that seems small in the grand scheme of life. I have very little drama in my life. I get along with most people, and avoid the few who may agitate me.
How much something bothers me can depend on what my mood is to begin with though - small things can agitate me more if there is something much heavier on my mind; it's the straw that breaks the camel's back. The most easy-going people I know have few big problems, so yeah, the small stuff doesn't get to them. It's when you have major problems in life & can avoid a melt-down that you are truly easy-going, IMO.
However, I am not calm internally all the time. I'm pretty nervous & high-strung, which only close family and veeery close friends see IRL.
Things in the world which conflict with my broad, core feeling of what is ideal and good will upset me, but I am often able to find "ways around it". It's less of a "if you can't, beat 'em join 'em" attitude than a "ditch 'em and start your own club" attitude.
What do you consider "easy-going" in a person?
Someone who doesn't get upset over little things, who is flexible, who is not a stickler for rules, who focuses on the positives w/out being naive, who does not fight the tide unless it is really important. Someone who can ride through tough times in a reasonably calm and gracious manner.
Who are the most easy-going people you have encountered?
People who are very spiritual with refined values - they tend to have a sense of what is really important in life, and so very little ruffles their feathers. This includes religious people who are spiritual, & not simply dogmatic.
When I was stressed about not having a job and going through my savings and having to leave my apartment and move in with the parents, someone reminded me that materials things are replaceable - they can be lost & regained & are of little importance in the long run. I think that is reflective of being easy-going. You won't get so upset if you keep things in perspective.
Where do they hang-out?
All kinds of places. I don't see how there would be any major trend. "Hanging out" locations can be a matter of interests, not demeanor.
"Charlotte sometimes dreams a wall around herself. But it's always with love - So much love it looks like everything else. Charlotte Sometimes - So far away, glass sealed and pretty." - The Cure
I would think IxxPs would be the most easygoing people because they are low-key, less energy introverts who take the external world as it comes or are not concerned with it that much. Being an introvert and a perceiver sounds like a very mellow person.
Definitely true in theory, but in practice I can't tell the difference. I do think the already established "A vs B" personality is imposed on the assumptions of J and P. That it doesn't turn out that way in application used to disorient me a bit, but I've yet to see a pattern one way or another.
Originally Posted by Little_Sticks
He makes me feel like I'm in a euphoric trance.
There you go.
Originally Posted by disregard
I would define someone as easy-going if they were accommodating and pleasant. While they can be opinionated, their opinions would be mostly inoffensive.
Unless they run into hippie haters. Everyone hated hippie opinions which were seen as radical, but they actually seemed a bit laid back. I remember the Rainbow People of Living Light causing quite a stir in my hometotwn with their tree-hugging, nudist endeavors, but they were quite chill. (Especially being in the mountains of Wyoming)
Originally Posted by simulatedworld
HINT: Te tends to repel them.
A really easy-going person might be the only one left standing not repelled. Te might tend to judge easy-going people most harshly? That is a possibility.
It is interesting that people allude to easy-goingness implying holding only non-offensive positions and possibly being lazy. It could look like the more laid-back a person is, the less presence they have as an individual, which could explain the cultural emphasis on being the opposite. I agree with the comments that an easy-going person can go with the flow and adapt to whatever new situation arises. For myself, if I could get rid of some inner anxiety issues, I'd probably fall rather far to the easy-going end of the spectrum mostly because I react calmly when people holler, or are late, or whatever. For myself, the core of easy-goingness is to withhold judgment and punishment on people. Stepping back and realizing that each situation is complex, and that my view is a fragment of the whole helps me see that I can't make quick conclusions about another person. Also realizing how small each person is in terms of their limitations in reacting to whatever life has caused them results in a withholding of judgment.
When one is angered at the "stupid people", all of the "fake and superficial people", "mean people", or those that belong to a hated religion or organization, etc., they have an internalized ideal about people that reality conflicts with and the desire to punish people for falling out of line with that ideal can only view a small portion of the reality of it. People probably don't have all that much free will or power to be someone other than their genetics and environment has shaped them to be. The lack of punishing people, especially if it results from seeing a bigger context than before, does not imply a lack of opinion, motivation, or presence in the world.
The first man to raise a fist is the man who's run out of ideas. H.G. WELLS
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. FEYNMAN If this is monkey pee, you're on your own.SCULLY
A couple of years back I met a woman who was probably one of the most easy-going persons I have ever met (and I only saw her a couple times). She had a serenity about her, and I just felt totally at peace when I was around her, which is normally not something I feel around most people.
The other most easy going person I can think of is my mum's hippy spiritual friend. She's very open, accepting, ready to laugh, and just a go-with-the-flow type of person.
Around both of these women I felt an absence of expectations towards me. They had a nice inner calm that was really attractive.
I don't know where they hang out. I normally tend to attract anxious little rats like myself.
The thought of someone calling me easy-going cracks me up. I can be anxious a lot of the time, but I'm easy-going about most things (trivial things), but I don't come across that way due to social anxiety, and can appear really uptight when it's really just nervousness at being around people. The exception to this is when someone else is also socially anxious and/or shy, then it will disappear. Hmmm, I think I've gotten a bit off-topic lol
The way I help to ease anxiety is by trying to do this
Originally Posted by OrangeAppled
You won't get so upset if you keep things in perspective.
And going on walks seems to help with this. Nature helps to bring me back into a healthier frame of mind. Also being super silly with a person I feel comfortable around helps. And diet. After exams I'm going to try to go mostly raw and see if it does anything to my anxiety levels. I seem to be on a shifting seesaw of anxiety at one end and inner calm at the other and it's either one or the other, never seems to be a balance