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  1. #1
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Default Is it possible to change while keeping authentic?

    So, basically I've been considering fine-tuning my behavior for a variety of reasons. The question is, how can one be sincere and still behave in a way that is not natural?

    I'm a contrarian and aggressive asshole. I have a motherload of Fi though, and would like to convey it more in the way I interact with people. Thing is...that would destroy my sincerity if all I want to say a certain situation is "AH! Sucker!" (after your mom died), right?

    I've been trying to be nicer to people, the truth is I generally like people (even though I tend to find them stupid), but the message doesn't always get across because I'm too busy being a dick. It's instinctual. When I try being nice, it throws people off as well as myself. It feels force. So, is there a way to change and still feel sincere and authentic?

    Because the assholeish remarks are part of my self-image.

  2. #2
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    The change probably has to be in the direction of authenticity. Then, they can be congruent. However it sounds like you're trying to soften some of your edges, so naturally it's going to feel like you're sacrificing authenticity.



  3. #3
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    my values changed, and instead of my Fi triggering "Motherfuckin' cocksucknsonofabiatch!!!" I said "Dear baby lord jesus, forgive them their trespasses.."

  4. #4
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    well... you've got to genuinely WANT to change in the first place... and change doesn't make you a different person as long as it's genuine

    I was a total brat when younger and was definitley the most likely person to ask people why they smelled funny or where their arm went (young ExTPs are a terror that way from my understanding) As I got older I realized that over the top bluntness as in The Invention of Lying isn't a particularly endearing quality in anyone but very young children, so I learned to edit what I said... this fit perfectly into my mathematics of truth

    the truth + something = a lie

    the truth - something = the truth still

    realizing that made it signifigantly more polite without feeling that I'd sold myself out in any way... that and learning the art of the backhanded complement
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  5. #5
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    The truth is, you T's are hopeless, and are all going to hell.

    Sorry :\

  6. #6
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    The change probably has to be in the direction of authenticity. Then, they can be congruent. However it sounds like you're trying to soften some of your edges, so naturally it's going to feel like you're sacrificing authenticity.
    You know what, though? That sort of rationale makes me thing of the self-aware evil person. If you are just rotten inside in certain ways, what hope is there? Should I lie?

    And yeah, I can't sacrifice authenticity. That's a force powerful enough to make me choose to be in isolation for the rest of my life. Feeling fake makes me almost physically sick.

    I also think it's because I don't know if I can retain my well-known assertiveness if I start being nicer. I also have a very preventive way of dealing with people. A little indirect intimidation keeps them at bay and in my control.


    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    my values changed, and instead of my Fi triggering "Motherfuckin' cocksucknsonofabiatch!!!" I said "Dear baby lord jesus, forgive them their trespasses.."
    Yeah, my values won't change any time soon. I'm a peace lover and have very well defined values and principles. I don't act like an asshole towards people...I speak like an asshole.

    Not the biggest asshole ever...I'm really only doing that very ENFP thing of exaggerating something to get the point across. But it's there. I'm no nicer than the average immature ENTP.

  7. #7
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    The truth is, you T's are hopeless, and are all going to hell.

    Sorry :\
    ... where the ESTPs will raise money to build an air conditioning unit while the ENTPs design it and the other Ts build it, oversee it's building and feel smug about it... next task will be installation of wi-fi
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  8. #8

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    Is it possible to be inauthentic? Are you really your self image, what you think about yourself? What you have collected about yourself over the years, there must be more to it than that. Than a simple accumulation of habitual tendencies. Values change, maybe that is where you need to invest yourself. I don't know, interesting question. Maybe simply investing yourself in your ability to interact with people and your environment and have an effect is where it is at. You know? Here I am, see what I can do.

  9. #9
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    ... where the ESTPs will raise money to build an air conditioning unit while the ENTPs design it and the other Ts build it, oversee it's building and feel smug about it... next task will be installation of wi-fi

    Touche

  10. #10
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Yeah you can. Someone mentioned values already. These change as you mature. Nobody stays the same throughout life. So the authentic 'you' will change over time.

    I think your tendency to find people stupid is the crux of your situation. If you find people stupid, most likely you find it hard to respect them, thus, your dickish ways.

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