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  1. #1
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
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    Default Ask Babylon for advice riddled with paranoia (hint: mildly entertaining thread!)


    Are you tired of professional advice?
    Does it just not suit you to be told, "according to bla bla bla bla FACT bla bla bla more facts...". Did you suspect that your doctor was googling your symptoms while you were making lemonade? Has your contractor merely been contracting out to some other contractor? Do believe that Apple purposefully releases sub-par products, just so that they can then release another version and have the iSlaves buy it again? How do you know! How does anyone know!???

    If you've had it with MDs, JDs, BJs, PhDs, Dr.s, DFAs and D.T.F, then you've come to the right place:

    Ask Babylon: riddled with paranoia, sardonic embellishments, and something resembling advice!

    ...now who's first?

  2. #2
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Default

    I am concerned that my tinfoil hat can be penetrated by the mind-reading rays of the thought police. They cannot know my secret recipe for chocolate chip cookies. How can I upgrade my tinfoil hat to be as secure as a SSL Internet connection for less than $1 million? I have cash, and don't need a receipt. Can you please help me?
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  3. #3
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
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    Default

    Dear Mr Halla,

    I commend you for seeking out some intuitive advice. I would cite some sort of fact about N vs S, but I don't think that would be very factual to include facts in my intuitive advice thread.

    Lets look at the inputs to the black box of my advising brain:

    1. there are thought police with mind reading rays

    2. there's a recipe for chocolate chip cookies, that you must protect

    3. the world is not ready for a chocolate chip cookie recipe!

    4. like all worldians, you're on a budget

    5. you'd like the solution to sound techie enough to impress your SSL friends


    First off, I want you to know, you've come to the right place in search of your own safety! They can read your mind with laser beams, but I assure you, they could never search the internet. It also might have been a fatal mistake to contact me through snail mail (I misplaced my freeware envelope opener).

    That cargo in your brain is essential to man kinds future. You're a true patriot. As the climate evolves, so must our metabolism. The american diet of hydrogenated vegetable oil, liter soda, high fructose corn syrup and occasional vegetables in the form of pizza sauce could one day be an endangered way of life. Those cookies, your sweet chocolaty brain recipe, could one day seed a generation, a generation who may otherwise starve, be slightly hungry or god forbid, lose some weight.

    The problem: the world is not yet ready for chocolate cookies. If we snail mailed it to every man, woman, child and hir on the planet, it'd only be a matter of time...before they forgot about it. Blog about it, and it may exist forever in the depths of cyberspace, but at what cost? think of all of the lost wages from stepping onto godaddy, and completely losing your self for weeks in thoughts like, "who would ever try and sell sex with Danica Patrick? its like trying to sell athleticism with John Goodman".

    The problem is there right in front of us! What is the key!? Experts? Their minds have already been zapped. What we need is some intuitive problem solving. We need to intuitively build a key solutions platform, complete with other marketing buzzwords like "integrated network international solutions". where is your keystone halla? How will this divided arch stand? Especially if you're on a budget?

    Tin foil helmets are the old factual way...step into the intuitive future of... tinfoil belts!!! And since you're on a budget, what better way to commemorate this keystone piece of our puzzle?



    In closing, I think you should ask yourself this one question: How come we have yet to see a fancy beer commercial with some suave debanor (sport coat, goatee, the whole 8 meters) putting his hand on the bar and saying, "I'll have 2 keystone Lights", as he dashes a look over at the blond whore whose apparently turned on by classy liquor? Why haven't we seen this commercial yet? :steam: Facts may say one thing, but I damn well believe there is a more intuitive answer!

  4. #4
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Sir! Thank you for this comprehensive answer! :worthy!

    Freaking hilarious! :yim_rolling_on_the_
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  5. #5
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    dear babylon... no matter how frequently we mow the lawn it keeps growing... the damned thing doubles in height over 4 days! How can we best break it's will and make it realize that it will only stop getting it's head lopped off if it stays the length we put it at? Is our yard grass related to hydras?

    The lawn care people only want to put fertilizer on it... I think they work for the lawnmower company... can you help?
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  6. #6
    Senior Member Ming's Avatar
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    Default

    I'm still trying to find my inner gay-dar. I can't stop trying, It's like my penis has a mind of its own.

    What should I do? Everytime I see some guy, it just pops out of nowhere and shakes around. I'm trying to find that inner gay-dar and switch it off.

    I don't even know why. I'm scared of my penis. It's blowing my mind off. OMG it's happening again. It's responding to the computer..


    Ahhh....

  7. #7
    garbage
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    what's the best way to apply MBTI

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