User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 60

  1. #21
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,658

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    How can it hurt if one has not regrets and bases his/her actions on a value system, like ENFPs do? Authenticity means people can use who am against me whenever they please.
    Because when I like someone and possibly even look up to someone, and they 'misunderstand' and judge who I am, despite them being good people, it hurts me. I will test and check who can handle what, before I show them, perhaps even explain it to them before I show it to them, in order to avoid misunderstandings. It is my experience that a lot of unnecessary hurt comes from misunderstanding. Once I know someone and we have a mutual respect going, they can disagree with my values and even judge me over it, as long as they have demonstrated a thorough understanding of why i do the things I do. That, I am fine with. But to be judged for something I'm not, based on a glimpse...no thanks.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  2. #22
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Because when I like someone and possibly even look up to someone, and they 'misunderstand' and judge who I am, despite them being good people, it hurts me. I will test and check who can handle what, before I show them, perhaps even explain it to them before I show it to them, in order to avoid misunderstandings.
    If you ask me, ENFPs play the misunderstood card too freely. If you like someone you'd think that's because they get you right?

    I'm completely transparent with who I am and with my past, present and future actions. That's the sure fire way to attract only the people who would be ok with them or my values.


    It is my experience that a lot of unnecessary hurt comes from misunderstanding. Once I know someone and we have a mutual respect going, they can disagree with my values and even judge me over it, as long as they have demonstrated a thorough understanding of why i do the things I do. That, I am fine with. But to be judged for something I'm not, based on a glimpse...no thanks.
    Well no one is pointing a gun to your head making you choose to spend time with the people you spend time with. That's a good thing. Being judged by one's actions is a good thing. And being judged based on a glimpse even more so...it's easier to say "fuck off".

  3. #23
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,658

    Default

    I as well as 'they' have been too often too wrong about that glimpse, about that judgement. I like avoiding that, as well as the risk of missing out on a great person based on a glimpse, a fraction of information.

    I respect the way you go about it, and I can see the merit in it. I still prefer my own method, for the aforementioned reasons
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  4. #24
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I as well as 'they' have been too often too wrong about that glimpse, about that judgement. I like avoiding that, as well as the risk of missing out on a great person based on a glimpse, a fraction of information.
    Why not lay it down then, just as it is? Why conceal information that will only bite you on the arse later on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    II respect the way you go about it, and I can see the merit in it. I still prefer my own method, for the aforementioned reasons
    I don't understand what you mean by aforementioned reasons? What would my method prevent me from experiencing exactly?

  5. #25
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,658

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Why not lay it down then, just as it is? Why conceal information that will only bite you on the arse later on?



    I don't understand what you mean by aforementioned reasons? What would my method prevent me from experiencing exactly?
    I've done that before and it was often twisted, misunderstood and misjudged. Perhaps also because when I am that open, it is hard to put things into words, the things i experience. So I've stopped doing that as I don't particularly enjoy it, nor does it gain me anything.

    If I were to use your method, I'd have missed out on a lot of interesting and great people. People, who I initially didn't think were that great. People who at first considered me odd. By showing them bit by bit, pacing myself in revealing who I am, and by staying open to who they are and why, we were able to see past all of that. I treasure those experiences.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  6. #26
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I've done that before and it was often twisted, misunderstood and misjudged. Perhaps also because when I am that open, it is hard to put things into words, the things i experience. So I've stopped doing that as I don't particularly enjoy it, nor does it gain me anything.
    Why would anyone care if other people misunderstand them? Aren't ENFPs supposed to be proud of who they are?

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    If I were to use your method, I'd have missed out on a lot of interesting and great people. People, who I initially didn't think were that great. People who at first considered me odd. By showing them bit by bit, pacing myself in revealing who I am, and by staying open to who they are and why, we were able to see past all of that. I treasure those experiences.
    Why would you miss on anything? I'm considered odd by everyone, that's not necessarily a bad thing. I didn't say I base myself on first impressions, far from it. But I'm consistent in the way I am and people do adapt and learn new information about me everyday.

    And sure, you treasure those experiences. Are those people still in your life?

    It's really simple. Be yourself. People will either like your not. If you are a cool person you'll be liked or misunderstood. If you are misunderstood...after extensive exposure to a person or group of people, why would anything change in the future?

    It's like wanting an S to understand you as an N. Might as well be your N self...and you'll attract other Ns. Sure Ss can be cool too...in the long run though, you'll part ways or have problems. This N/S is a crude example, but you get the point.

  7. #27
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,658

    Default

    *smiles*
    I enjoy figuring out how to understand others. So yeah, I do what I can to smoothen out the communication so we can understand one another. Even when it's hard. It's even more rewarding that way. And yeah, some of those people are still in my life. And if I were to run into the others, as we've parted ways, I'm sure that that bond would still be there. I treasure that.

    I've done the whole abrupt 'this is who I am'-thing. It didn't work for me. And it made me oblivious to who others are and how they work. I am still authentic, I just pace myself more in showing who I am. The surface that I do show, is still me though. I just don't let *anyone* in anymore, is all. It costs too much energy to defend against that kind of invasion. It's tiresome to open up to someone who throws it back in your face, even if they do it out of poor judgement, or because they don't know how to handle what you offer in the way you'd like it handled. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve. I've learned not everyone appreciates it. Why should I force something down people's throats that is so precious to me, but isn't something they asked for? I prefer letting them ask me for it. Ime, they will, if they truly want to see
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  8. #28
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    *smiles*
    I enjoy figuring out how to understand others. So yeah, I do what I can to smoothen out the communication so we can understand one another. Even when it's hard. It's even more rewarding that way. And yeah, some of those people are still in my life. And if I were to run into the others, as we've parted ways, I'm sure that that bond would still be there. I treasure that.

    I've done the whole abrupt 'this is who I am'-thing. It didn't work for me. And it made me oblivious to who others are and how they work. I am still authentic, I just pace myself more in showing who I am. The surface that I do show, is still me though. I just don't let *anyone* in anymore, is all. It costs too much energy to defend against that kind of invasion. It's tiresome to open up to someone who throws it back in your face, even if they do it out of poor judgement, or because they don't know how to handle what you offer in the way you'd like it handled. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve. I've learned not everyone appreciates it. Why should I force something down people's throats that is so precious to me, but isn't something they asked for? I prefer letting them ask me for it. Ime, they will, if they truly want to see
    I think you are completely misunderstanding what I'm saying.

    I'm merely saying one shouldn't not actively tailor the way one is or speaks to other people. Abrupt? Who said I'm abrupt? I'm a nice guy, I don't go around insulting people OR forcing myself down their throats. I can measure who is worth my time and who isn't. It's effortless really.

    What do you mean by smoothing the conversation?


    And what you are describing is giving other people even more reason to use how you are against you, because first they see a certain person...and only when it gets deep do they see another person. The two conflict. I don't have that problem.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    468 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII None
    Posts
    4,383

    Default

    Flaky
    Flighty
    Flirty
    Fun

  10. #30
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,658

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    I think you are completely misunderstanding what I'm saying.

    I'm merely saying one shouldn't not actively tailor the way one is or speaks to other people. Abrupt? Who said I'm abrupt? I'm a nice guy, I don't go around insulting people OR forcing myself down their throats. I can measure who is worth my time and who isn't. It's effortless really.

    What do you mean by smoothing the conversation?


    And what you are describing is giving other people even more reason to use how you are against you, because first they see a certain person...and only when it gets deep do they see another person. The two conflict. I don't have that problem.
    They don't conflict. They're both me. As I said, the surface the world sees is still me. It's just not all of me anymore. I keep that for those I treasure, those I feel safe with. And yes, I put a lot of time in figuring out who I can trust with what. What relationship to have with who. Who I just hang out with..who I ask advice from on what...and who I share the things with that I feel truly vulnerable on. All those connections are precious to me. But only the latter, if they are interested, will see it all. Why force people to deal with things they don't care for? It doesn't gain me or them anything.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

Similar Threads

  1. [MBTItm] confused 19 year old infp and a 27 year old enfj/enfp women. Girls please help.
    By immytwin in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 11-06-2013, 02:46 AM
  2. [ENFP] ENFP women
    By INTPness in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 07-19-2010, 02:36 AM
  3. Describe ENFP men
    By Moiety in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 04-05-2010, 10:36 AM
  4. [ENFP] ENFPs... would people describe you as an extravert?
    By Lady_X in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 08-10-2009, 10:52 AM
  5. [ENFP] enfp's fact or fiction
    By targobelle in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 458
    Last Post: 05-24-2009, 03:07 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO