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  1. #1
    Senior Member ObeyBunny's Avatar
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    Default Contest time: Inappropriate comments.

    Letís have a contest where you think of the most inappropriate, unrelated, dark-humored comments to seemingly safe and sane sentences.
    ---
    Example 1:
    Original sentence: My son has been missing for 3 days; Iíve put up ads for his safe return and everything.
    Inappropriate reply: Well, if he wasnít for eating then whyíd you put his picture on the milk carton?

    Example 2:
    Original sentence: From your test scores, I can tell that you failed to study.
    Inappropriate reply: I didnít fail, I was meticulous in my procrastination.
    ---
    Okay, here are the sentences:
    -
    1. I found something gross in the trashcan.
      -
    2. Iím on a new diet where I am not aloud to eat anything with sugar, fats, fiber, or protean.
      -
    3. Where has all my savings in my account gone?
      -
    4. From your test scores, I can tell that you failed to study.
      -
    5. Where has my son gone? Iíve placed adds everywhere for his safe return?
      -
    6. Somebody stole all of the chocolate Easter eggs. Iím looking at you, Timmy.
      -
    7. Thereís that crazy man outside, tying himself to tree trunks again.
      -
    8. Do I look fat?
      -
    9. Look! You have malt liquor on tap in the bathroom!
    Q: "What is the process of seeking the truth?"
    A: "Distilled liquor"

    Q: "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?"
    A: "Between a starving prostitute and a steak sandwich."

    Q:How would a mathematician capture an elephant?
    A:He would build a cage, step inside, and rename his new location as "outside."

  2. #2

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    In before Graveyard.
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

  3. #3
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Default

    What a crock.
    The future is for the unafraid.

  4. #4
    Senior Member ObeyBunny's Avatar
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    Default

    I didn't realize that the contest was going to be offensive. I guess it's not as fun as I thought it would be. I'll take it down if anyone wants me to.
    Q: "What is the process of seeking the truth?"
    A: "Distilled liquor"

    Q: "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?"
    A: "Between a starving prostitute and a steak sandwich."

    Q:How would a mathematician capture an elephant?
    A:He would build a cage, step inside, and rename his new location as "outside."

  5. #5
    Senior Member Little_Sticks's Avatar
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    Default

    I found something gross in the trashcan.
    - It's a picture of your face.

    Iím on a new diet where I am not aloud to eat anything with sugar, fats, fiber, or protean.
    - Yeah, you are a fat-ass, aren't you.

    Where has all my savings in my account gone?
    - Does this mean I have to pay for your dinner?

    From your test scores, I can tell that you failed to study.
    - Is that what they tell you? They tell me the material and teacher are infinitely boring.

    Where has my son gone? Iíve placed adds everywhere for his safe return?
    - Just think, he could be in some weird-guy's basement getting raped...and this may go on for many years before the guy kills your kid or gets caught.

    Somebody stole all of the chocolate Easter eggs. Iím looking at you, Timmy.
    - Yeah, I stolez 'em. I wanted to make chocolate milk?
    *This one has me stumped.

    Thereís that crazy man outside, tying himself to tree trunks again.
    - Let's help him and take his wallet and clothes and call the fire department.

    Do I look fat?
    - No, but you look pretty ugly so it wouldn't make much of a difference from where your standards are at right now.

    Look! You have malt liquor on tap in the bathroom!
    I have malt liquor in my pants. You have to suck on the handle to get the malt flowing.

    *This was fun

  6. #6
    Don't pet me. JAVO's Avatar
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    Default

    [*]I found something gross in the trashcan.
    - Why do you always have to mess with stuff when I put it where I want it?
    [*]Iím on a new diet where I am not aloud to eat anything with sugar, fats, fiber, or protean.
    - That'll last long.
    [*]Where has all my savings in my account gone?
    - Probably to buy something more useful than those silly fad diet books!
    [*]From your test scores, I can tell that you failed to study.
    - From your reply, I can tell that you fully understand the limitations of testing and its challenges to different learning styles.
    [*]Where has my son gone? Iíve placed adds everywhere for his safe return?
    - The statistics show that by now there's not much hope of finding him alive.
    [*]Somebody stole all of the chocolate Easter eggs. Iím looking at you, Timmy.
    - I'm just helping you with your fad diet, Ma!
    [*]Thereís that crazy man outside, tying himself to tree trunks again.
    - At least he's sane enough not to go on those useless fad diets!
    [*]Do I look fat?
    - I really hope that's a rhetorical question!
    [*]Look! You have malt liquor on tap in the bathroom!
    - Yes, and I'm cutting you off now. It appears you've had quite enough already.

  7. #7
    garbage
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    here are my answers

    Quote Originally Posted by ObeyBunny View Post
    1. I found something gross in the trashcan.
      - Thank you for finding a gross thing in the trashcan. You will be rewarded.
    2. Iím on a new diet where I am not aloud to eat anything with sugar, fats, fiber, or protean.
      - Oh, no! Maybe there are some raw vegetable dishes that you can try. I can help you find some.
    3. Where has all my savings in my account gone?
      - This may be a bank error. I suggest that you call your bank and sort this out.
    4. From your test scores, I can tell that you failed to study.
      - Yes, I didn't study as much as I could have. I will do better next time.
    5. Where has my son gone? Iíve placed adds everywhere for his safe return?
      - I don't know where your son went.
    6. Somebody stole all of the chocolate Easter eggs. Iím looking at you, Timmy.
      - You do not have proof that I ate the eggs. My name is Timmy.
    7. Thereís that crazy man outside, tying himself to tree trunks again.
      - He should not tie himself to tree trunks!
    8. Do I look fat?
      - You look fat, yeah.
    9. Look! You have malt liquor on tap in the bathroom!
      - Awesome! Let's pour us some liquor.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by ObeyBunny View Post
    -
    1. I found something gross in the trashcan.

      - First of all, I just want to reassure you that's not really a human arm.


    2. Iím on a new diet where I am not aloud to eat anything with sugar, fats, fiber, or protean.

      - So you can still go down on me, right?


    3. Where has all my savings in my account gone?

      - I'm having a great time in Marseille, wish you were here!


    4. From your test scores, I can tell that you failed to study.

      - From your emanating stench, I can tell you failed to bathe.


    5. Where has my son gone? Iíve placed adds everywhere for his safe return?

      - Don't worry, he's safe and sound. But if I tell you anything more, I'll be forced to kill him.


    6. Somebody stole all of the chocolate Easter eggs. Iím looking at you, Timmy.

      - Those weren't Easter eggs, grandma. I had to change the cat's litter box.


    7. Thereís that crazy man outside, tying himself to tree trunks again.

      - Mmm, where? My panties are on fire. Bondage time!


    8. Do I look fat?

      - No, but your teeth sure are yellow.


    9. Look! You have malt liquor on tap in the bathroom!

      - How many times do I have to tell you to stop drinking the rubbing alcohol?
    .

  9. #9
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    Default

    oh, ok. I win.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ObeyBunny View Post
    Letís have a contest where you think of the most inappropriate, unrelated, dark-humored comments to seemingly safe and sane sentences.
    Fun game, dunno how well this "contest" aspect will pan out.

    But, here we go:

    I found something gross in the trashcan.
    Oh! That's a crib?!

    [*]Where has my son gone? Iíve placed adds everywhere for his safe return?
    Check in the trashcan!

    [*]Iím on a new diet where I am not aloud to eat anything with sugar, fats, fiber, or protean.
    Well, this diet is certainly lightening your spelling load.

    [*]Where has all my savings in my account gone?
    Afterlife, reborn as someone else's money.

    [*]From your test scores, I can tell that you failed to study.
    Noooooo! You failed to ask the correct question. This is Jeopardy!

    [*]Somebody stole all of the chocolate Easter eggs. Iím looking at you, Timmy.
    Now, now, Timmy's problem with control over his bowel movements should not spoil the fun for the other kids, and their easter egg hunt. Just tell them to smell the chocolate ones first.

    [*]Thereís that crazy man outside, tying himself to tree trunks again.
    DAD!

    [*]Do I look fat?
    It's all a matter of comparative perspective, you see; let's take a hippopotamus, for example, .......

    [*]Look! You have malt liquor on tap in the bathroom!
    And, the price?! Whatever you're willing to offer...just drop the offering in the porcelain bowl, beside. Thank you, come again!

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