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Thread: The Three Friends Most Special To You

  1. #1
    Mamma said knock you out Array Mempy's Avatar
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    Jul 2007

    Default The Three Friends Most Special To You

    The three friends most special to me:

    INTJ (female, real-life)
    INTJ (female, online, she lives in Canada)
    INFP (male) (real-life boyfriend of my real-life best friend)

    I just wanted to proclaim my affection for these people.

    My online friend. She’s endearingly awkward and has a lot of the confidence issues I have. She’s a hard worker, the first born, and often pushes herself to the breaking point. Exceptionally well-spoken, but almost too polite and sweet with me (I see it a bit as coddling, since in the beginning of our friendship there was largely – I should say, almost /too/ much affection between us, and even though our friendship has changed significantly, she still always greets with an affectionate term such as ‘sweetheart’ or ‘darling’ and uses a smilie. Sometimes, I’d just like her to say ‘Hi, whatcha up to’ instead of using the same pleasantry and affection. But I just love her naivety and not-quite-sure of herself approach when it comes to me and relationships in general.

    On the other hand, she seems to withdraw from contact with me and others in her life on a regular basis (she’s a type five on the Enneagram). I also experience frequent withdrawal for lack of confidence and energy, so we have this in common. In fact, we have a lot in common, but less than my real-life INTJ friend, I think. We do have many similar fears and anxieties. And, aww, I’m so endeared to her. We’ve known each other online for something like four years. She ended it after two and half years, I think, because I became extremely unhealthy psychologically and was much too hostile toward her (and everyone, really; another word is ‘needy’). So for a year and half we weren’t friends, and because the friendship did end on very awful terms I think neither of us expected to ever be friends again or even to speak. But I still read her journal during the interim, and had a feeling she read mine, so finally one day I just said in my own journal, not knowing what the outcome would be, “Brittany, I enjoy your journal.” I really wanting to rekindle a friendship between us but didn’t know how she’d respond, and the very next day an email popped up in my inbox from her, saying she really admired me as a person and in many ways, and would like to be friends and try again.

    Our communication varies from ok to great – you gotta cut us some slack, this is a difficult medium - but we have our misunderstandings. For one thing, she takes a lot of pride in her intelligence, and probably thinks she’s quite a bit smarter than me, which may or may not be justified, but it puts me off and inhibits our communication occasionally because she sees some of her concepts as “very difficult for me to understand.” The problem is I really want to see where she's coming from but if she thinks I won't understand, she won't explain. This has only happened once, but it was recent, and it really irked me.

    My real-life friend. GREAT connection, because we share similar senses of humor, and most if not all of the same complaints and opinions. She’s very confident usually and channels her own path. Hilarious. She’s a huge slacker and complainer and doesn’t feel the need to appear hardworking or pleasant or what have you, for anyone’s sake – I admire that to-the-point self-presentation and lack of social fear. I think this one is a type six rather than a five, and she agrees with that assessment. We see eye-to-eye on nearly everything, but I also think I feel pretty comfortable disagreeing with her and vice versa. She has extreme anxiety attacks, particularly in relation to automobiles (inferior Se?), and is a health fanatic, taking vitamins and constantly reading the ingredients for things (she knows more about harmful ingredients than anyone I’ve ever met). Great memory (she claims she can remember any birthday ever mentioned to her, even if only once, and so far this has proven amazingly true). Hmm… what else? I don’t know. She’s just awesome, lol. I miss going to school with her and sharing all our woes every day; she’s the best person to go to school with and eat lunch with every day. I love her. =)

    My INFP friend is much newer to my life. I think my best friend tried to set us up, but that didn’t come close to happening, haha. We went on one date, and his hurried asking-me-out was quite unexpected. I admire his bravery. (The movie we went to see was Pan's Labyrinth, and we both quite enjoyed and admired it.) He withdraws from people and the world more than anyone I know; he’s often in his own world and inaccessible. But he’s very sweet and warm most of the time, and I LOVE his sense of humor. He sometimes draws really funny comics on the spot. I adore him, but am also sometimes shortchanged by him; he often ignores me or leaves me behind, not because I think he means to, but probably just because he’s in his own head. He likes to laugh, and is pretty adorable once you get to know him. Spontaneous and often very lovably enthusiastic about something. He’s a bit of a paradox; cold sometimes but warm a lot of the time. Hmm. Oh yeah, he and the INTJ are dating. I always knew they had feelings for each other, so it was a bit of a non-event when they started dating. Me, the INTJ, and the INFP hang out every weekend. =)

  2. #2
    On a mission Array Usehername's Avatar
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    May 2007


    ENFP: male. INTJ + ENFP friends = 'nuff said.

    INFP: male. Has dual citizenship, so went down to teh states for college. He'll be coming home this semester (he took a semester break to do an internship) with a degree so I am happy he will be here. Unfortunately, I also know we never make the effort to see each other. It doesn't help we live 1/2 hour highway drive away with no vehicles.
    We tend to stumble into each other's souls quite accidentally and frequently. If there was one male friend that could've been "something more" he would be it. But I don't want that, and he doesn't want that, because we want different things out of life. But friends = very special

    INTJ: female. We'll probably never be close again, just due to the unfortunate realities of life. She lives far too far away and has no connections to where I am. We'll stay incredibly valuable to each other, and send the occasional email every few months, but I don't think it's in the cards that we'll grow our friendship. But, man, it was fun when we lived together doing our gap year program!!
    I immediately "recognized" something about her, and I could tell the same thing happened to her. Toward the end of the program, we learned about MBTI. Aah! And then we learned the frequency of stumbling across another INTJ female. Wow were we lucky

    ENFJ: female. Budding new friendship turned into soul-relationship. Just on the beginnings and we're both excited to see what happens!

    (And I don't have anything against being closely personal with a sensor. I just haven't accomplished that yet. And yes, they're all tested and confirmed of their types. I can be pushy b/c I want to know best how to "find" their motivations and all that. I love hte guidelines of MBTI.)
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  3. #3
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Array Jae Rae's Avatar
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    Nov 2007


    ENTP (male) - Introduced me to MBTI. Also goes away and comes back; used to think it was me, now I know it's not. He moved away last year, but we stay in touch via email. He's funny, bright, interesting, and always makes me think. We discuss religion, philosophy, psychology, education, marriage, books, music, movies, exercise and other health concerns. Probably the fourth or fifth most influential person in my life.

    ENFP (female) - Love to talk to her; she has a real grasp on relationships. Complains about her marriage and kids, but retains a sense of humor, perspective and hope for the future. She gives great advice, suggests lots of interesting books (psychology, sociology, neuroscience, education, etc.), and enriches my life so much. She's a sounding board, and gives much more than simple sympathy or empathy.

    INFP (female) - This friend is an artist. She has great depth and is very beautiful in her vulnerabilities. She talks about her personal foibles, concerns about her family, doubts about God and religion, and I feel honored to be her confidante. We recently finished a year-long meditation on joy course together. Just thinking about her makes me feel happy.

    In fact, thinking about all of them makes me smile.

    Jae Rae

  4. #4
    Mamma said knock you out Array Mempy's Avatar
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    Jul 2007


    We tend to stumble into each other's souls quite accidentally and frequently.
    Bang-on way of putting that. I have much the same relationship with all my INTJ friends.

    She's a sounding board, and gives much more than simple sympathy or empathy.
    This is exactly how I feel about both of the female INTJs in my life. It’s not just sympathy or understanding – it’s caring sympathy and deep understanding. I also have a long-term friendship with an INTJ male online, which is much more casual than my relationships with the female INTJs. I love his insightful, probing advice, and how funny and casual he is. We’ve been friends online for about five years. We can have hours and hours of conversations, seven and eight hours in one day sometimes, haha! I love it. I love to go to bed when the sun is shining bright at nine or ten in the morning, with a smile on my face after having one such long conversation with him and saying "goodnight" affectionately. Unfortunately, we only ever talk a couple times a month at best right now, but we go through periods of inactivity and activity. As long as neither one of us completely disappears from the net, we'll probably always be friends. He offers an area of insight that I lack, and vice versa. We met playing pogo games, and our first conversations were nothing but laughter, and I mean NOTHING but. LOL. Oh God, I smile SO wide just thinking about the side-splitting conversations we've had.

    From my experience, I can draw conclusions that my most fulfilling connections are mostly with INTJs.

    She has great depth and is very beautiful in her vulnerabilities. She talks about her personal foibles, concerns about her family, doubts about God and religion, and I feel honored to be her confidante. We recently finished a year-long meditation on joy course together. Just thinking about her makes me feel happy.
    Also, you described your INFP friend very well. Thanks for giving me the words. I also like that my INFP friend is honest about his vulnerabilities and uncertainties; it just makes me go “awww” and want to hug him close. In a sense, he is very “complete” as a human being: good, positive emotions just as much as uncertain, vulnerable emotions. His human foibles are evident, and I really, really ADMIRE that level of openness. He’s a pretty healthy four on the Enneagram, I think, and he agrees with that assessment (minus the healthy part; I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned to him that I think he’s a good example of a four).

    In fact, thinking about all of them makes me smile.
    Same here. =) In regard to all my close friends.

    I don’t mean for this to be disheartening to people who don’t have any special friends right now, or who are having terrifying or uncomfortable relationship problems. I’ve found in life that I’ve gone through periods of having uncomfortable uncertainties in relationships and having very healthy, fulfilling relationships. Your time will come around again. I just got out of one such uncomfortable, uncertain period that affected all my relationships.

  5. #5
    4x9 Array cascadeco's Avatar
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    Oct 2007
    4 so/sp


    I feel bad narrowing it down to three, but these would be the most special to me:

    INFJ: Friend I've forged the deepest connection and friendship with, and probably the closest friend I've ever had in my life. We struggle with the same issues, have the same thoughts/thought patterns about nearly everything, and she's just incredibly special to me. I don't know what I would do without her! We can talk about pretty much everything and anything, and we both acknowledge there are subjects/views that would be 'dangerous' to speak about with most others.

    ENfJ: Friend I lived with for a few years, and then when she got married we became even closer, because sadly her marriage was rocky the entire 3 yrs and there was a lot of supporting her but I also got to know WHO she was much better over this time period, and now she's divorced, forging her new life, and is sadly way up in Alaska now. But I'll get to see her in a few weeks, and I'm so excited! She's pulled through the divorce for the most part, is full of energy and life and optimism and happiness now, is a strong woman, very outgoing and adventurous, and follows her dreams. I admire her.

    INFP: Someone I haven't spent a lot of personal face-to-face time with, but met 7 yrs ago and lived and hung out with him for about 8 weeks (lodging was provided as part of the job) and we really bonded, have kept in touch sporadically over the years, I saw him briefly a few times back in 02, and saw him again for a week, earlier this month. He's the only one I've met with this 'special' connection that transcends space and time. He's rather horrible at emailing, so I wish we communicated more often, but ah well.....he has such a refreshing and healing life perspective, that I'm so happy once I do talk to him and we do re-connect; like the months of silence vanish away and we're right back where we've always been. He is also so *wise* and such a unique, principled individual. Everything about him just makes me smile.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

    My Photography and Watercolor Fine Art Prints!!! Cascade Colors Fine Art Prints

  6. #6
    The Black Knight Array Domino's Avatar
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    Nov 2007
    4w3 sx/so
    eNFJ Ni


    INTJ (male) -- been me best friend since we was pups (alright, 17ish); makes me laugh with his very sharp dry humor; fixes a lot of the practical problems at my house (he's the handiest DIY-er ever); good at keeping me calm and out of trouble. We both share the same amusement with the absurd and the abstract.

    ENTJ (female) -- known each other since middle school. Totally HATED her then. Once we graduated, we got on like a house on fire. She's saved my sanity many times, really believes in me, and I enjoy listening to her hilarious stories and watching her take-charge attitude in action. She's one of the very few people on the planet who can let me scream and yell and kick a door down in frustration without judging me or trying to corral me. In fact, she'd hand me a bat and say "You missed a spot."

    ENFP (female) -- my sister. I don't care if that's drippy. I'd be dead without her. Or very naked. I realized the other day that everything I had on was something my sister bought for me/told me to buy because I would be cold or hot or just plain uncomfortable. I have no practical sense whatsoever. She helps me with that. She's really smart, talented, affectionate, and she's also one of the very bravest people I've had the honor of knowing.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P

  7. #7
    He pronks, too! Array Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    Nov 2007
    One sx/sp


    This is a weird question for me.

    Only two people stand-out. If I pick a third one, then I feel bad for leaving everyone else out.
    Go to sleep, iguana.

    INTP. Type 1>6>5. sx/sp.
    Live and let live will just amount to might makes right

  8. #8
    Member Array whatnot's Avatar
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    Nov 2007


    Hmmm. It's really hard for me to narrow it down. But, here goes.

    ENFJ (male): He's one of my longest standing friendships. His F side is stronger than mine, and we have these amazing conversations about art and films. He says I'm the person who understands him best. I was incredibly attracted to him for the longest time, but we've realized we're better as friends. I think our mutual enfj-ness would drive each other bonkers. I'm pretty sure he'll always be one of my dearest friends, and is the man I measure most relationships by. He's extremely smart, and we keep each others brains tingly.

    INFJ (female): She's one of my least judgmental friends, and probably knows the most about me. We have no conversational boundaries whatsoever.

    INFP (male): He's an almost relationship. Our friendship is growing with possibly more down the road. He's the gentlest person I've ever met. He's creative, whimsical, and is becoming one of the first people I go to when I'm upset. He seems to intuitively know how to get me back into a peaceful state .

    INTP: He's arrogant, calculating, and wicked smart. We get delightfully sarcastic together. He's also a science-freak, and keeps my brain tingly. He fully supports my plans to take over the planet.

    ESFJ (female): She's one of my favorite people to be with, and one of the kindest. She's good-natured, sweet, and honest. We can't help but get into giggle fits together.

    There are more and more and more. (Hi, I'm an ENFJ. Like I could keep it down to 3?), but those are the ones I'm in contact with most, because of time, distance, etc.

  9. #9
    Mamma said knock you out Array Mempy's Avatar
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    Jul 2007


    Everyone, feel free to describe more or fewer than three people if you want. Yes, please. I just didn't want people's posts to become novels. So the limit is there, if you choose to avail yourself of it. More like a "guideline" than an actual rule, maties.

    She's one of the very few people on the planet who can let me scream and yell and kick a door down in frustration without judging me or trying to corral me. In fact, she'd hand me a bat and say "You missed a spot."
    AWW, LOL. It's the greatest thing to have a friend who does that! Also, your sense of humor is great. "I don't care if that's drippy, I'd be dead without her. Or very naked." LOL.

    INTP: He's arrogant, calculating, and wicked smart. We get delightfully sarcastic together. He's also a science-freak, and keeps my brain tingly. He fully supports my plans to take over the planet.
    LOL! I also tend to get along and share humor and scarcasm with INTPs! I met a type three INTP online a few months ago whom I really related to (I'm a type two-wing-three, so we had a lot in common in terms of fear and motivation; I saw a version of myself reflected back at me with her). Unfortunately, she wasn't very honest or open with me. Well, she talked to me resentfully about one rocky relationship she just couldn't let go of or get past no matter what she did, but I always felt her words had a rehearsed quality to them - said to impress more than to be truthful. One thing that irked me about her was how she CONSTANTLY complimented me. I think she weilded her compliments and affection a bit like candy to be given or withheld, in typical three fashion. As soon as she had me wrapped around her finger, she probably would have become scornful of me or dropped me, but I never let her get that upper hand. I constantly pointed out her bad manipulative habits and laughed about them; she seemed to take it well, lol. I introduced her to the Enneagram and MBTI and she agreed she was an INTP and type three. She seemed to keep people at a distance and avoid intimacy, so we never became close at all, but I really did enjoy her company, and she mine, I think.

  10. #10
    .~ *aĉa virino* ~. Array Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    549 sx/sp
    LII Ni


    Because of the way I build and maintain relationships, I cannot answer this question very well at all, because I can feel very close and "akin" to people I do not see or talk to much, if I sense an alignment and openness to each other. (Plus, life is seasonal and relationships sometimes grow closer and other times ebb in terms of the amount of time we can spend with or talk to each other -- but I do not consider that to be a decline in the relationship, it is just a decline in the manifestation of the relationship... The intention and openness and connection is still there.)

    So this list includes:
    - ISFJ (female)
    - INFJ (female)
    - ENTP (male)
    - ISTP (male)
    - ISFP (male)
    - ENFJ (female, therapist)
    - INFP (coworker, female)
    - INFP (male)

    And a bunch of people here (mostly females, plus a few males -- including but not limited to ENFJ, INFJ, INFP, INTP, ENFP, and INTJ).

    The one relationship that is worth highlighting is my "best friend..."

    INTP (male): We have been friends since college. Spiritually we seem to be about the same place at the same time (he has undergone the same crises I have... and we both support and catalyze each other).

    We are both writers. (He is in fact my writing partner, if we ever get a chance to finish our projects together.)

    The major difference between us is that he is overtly warmer with people than I am; I'm "cooler" on the surface. Paradoxically, though, I am more lyrical/musical in my thinking and self-expression, whereas he is more exacting and terse in expressing himself. He cannot hold a rhythm or sing a note to save his life, whereas I'm the opposite; but I value his ability to express himself in straight-forward coherent bursts. I feel like he can articulate himself more clearly than I can; I'm a bit muddier. He can voice what I'm thinking more straight-forwardly than I can sometimes.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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