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  1. #1
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Question WORST Valentine's Day Gifts EVER...

    Sometimes knowing what NOT to do is half the battle in doing the right thing.

    In that spirit, let's concoct some of the WORST Valentine's Day scenarios
    EVER.

    They can be for a wife, husband, SO, girlfriend, boyfriend, friend, sibling, parent, whoever, just state whom.

    I'll begin.

    RECIPIENT:
    Mrs. Halla, my Wifey

    GIFTS:
    A vacuum cleaner, 2 Hungry man frozen TV dinners, a six pack of Budweiser, a Moon Pie, a cheap $5 bouquet of brightly colored dyed carnations, and a cheap nurse's uniform.

    SCENARIO:
    I leave the nurse uniform, Moon Pie, cheap bouquet, and vacuum cleaner in the bedroom for her to find when she gets home. I cook up the Hungry Man dinners and leave them on the table, with 2 Budweisers in coozie coolers next to them. I am on the couch in my bathrobe, smoking a cigar, wearing a Burger King crown, and watching a NASCA race on TV at full volume.

    RESULT:
    Halla is beaten with a rolling pin. Then Halla is chased with an axe. After Mrs. Halla bludgeons me, I am carried off by paramedics.

    Now THAT is the worst possible Valentine's Day scenario I can come up with. Who else has a terribly unromantic idea in their heads?
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  2. #2
    *hmmms* theadoor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post

    GIFTS:
    A vacuum cleaner, 2 Hungry man frozen TV dinners, a six pack of Budweiser, a Moon Pie, a cheap $5 bouquet of brightly colored dyed carnations, and a cheap nurse's uniform.
    Reading this just two words came to my mind- bad romance. Now that's sexaay.
    I think I would be glad to receive smth like that, I'm pretty fed up with those flowers and chocolate candies on the Valentines Day. That's sooo boring. I would definitely praise the guy for originality
    Oh yeah?

  3. #3
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    OMG. You have so much energy! Were you hoping she'd don the nursey outfit and come vacuum around you seductively, maybe use that hose thingy in inspired ways?


    For me, the worst V day just involves not involving chocolate somehow.
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
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    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

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  4. #4
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    hint hint...

  5. #5
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I once had an ex put a bow around his penis and announce that sex from him was my Valentine's Day present I asked him if I could keep it in a box in my desk drawer if I wanted to... he said no
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  6. #6
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by theaferist View Post
    Reading this just two words came to my mind- bad romance. Now that's sexaay.
    I think I would be glad to receive smth like that, I'm pretty fed up with those flowers and chocolate candies on the Valentines Day. That's sooo boring. I would definitely praise the guy for originality


    Hmmmm....



    Thanks for the tip!

    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    OMG. You have so much energy! Were you hoping she'd don the nursey outfit and come vacuum around you seductively, maybe use that hose thingy in inspired ways?
    Absolutely. I was hoping she'd bring me the Hungry Man dinner on a tray (with the beer of course), let me snarf it down, and then vacuum the scraps off the tray for me, then feed me the rest of my beer (being very careful not to bend my Burger King crown), and then giving me "therapy" while I finished watching the race. Now THAT's a Homer Simpson fantasy if ever there was one. :yim_rolling_on_the_


    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    For me, the worst V day just involves not involving chocolate somehow.
    Isn't that a felony?
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  7. #7
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    Give her a litter of naked mole rates.




    And make sure it's a surprise up to the very last second. Have her close her eyes or something, put them on her shoulder. It should be quite romantic.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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  8. #8
    *hmmms* theadoor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I once had an ex put a bow around his penis and announce that sex from him was my Valentine's Day present I asked him if I could keep it in a box in my desk drawer if I wanted to... he said no
    Now that would be pretty miserable. I would definitely tell him that he can use/train his present with his own hands until the end of life, because since now I'm not gonna do that anymore
    Oh yeah?

  9. #9
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by theaferist View Post
    Now that would be pretty miserable. I would definitely tell him that he can use/train his present with his own hands until the end of life, because since now I'm not gonna do that anymore
    Hey!
    That's not supposed to happen until you get married!
    No fair!
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  10. #10
    *hmmms* theadoor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Hey!
    That's not supposed to happen until you get married!
    No fair!
    I'm from Europe, honey! I can even drink from the age of 16, unfortunately...
    Oh yeah?

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