User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 20

  1. #1
    Dali
    Guest

    Default Best friend just passed away...

    I'm currently working in a different country and just received the news through a mutual pal.

    He had Sickle Cell Aneamia and, every few months, he'd get an attack that would put him out of commission for at least a week after which he'd bounce back completely. This time round, his body couldnt take anymore and it gave out on him.

    We met when we were both first year university students and after a few months of completely ignoring each other (we had mutual pals but barely chatted because I thought he was arrogant and I think he found me to be quite flighty), we struck up conversation over a newfangled digital camera that I had at the time and, well, the rest is history. He was the nicest, smartest and most loyal person I have ever known. Plus he had a pretty wicked comic streak.

    He always had my back and vice versa. I loved my friend dearly.

    Yet... I feel nothing. I got an almost overwhelming burst of some unidentifiable emotion when I first heard but it quickly dissipated and now I feel cold and hollow. My best friend just died and I feel nothing. Is that normal?

  2. #2
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,060

    Default

    I'm so sorry. Whatever you're feeling is normal. There's no "right" way to grieve. And your feelings are likely to change over time, probably many times.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  3. #3
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w6
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    6,075

    Default

    Sorry to hear it, sounds like you guys had a great friendship.

  4. #4
    Vaguely Precise Seymour's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/so
    Posts
    1,565

    Default

    Perfectly normal for grief to come in waves... don't feel bad because you aren't feeling the "right" way. Give yourself permission to be shocked or angry or numb or whatever.

    Grieving for people we don't see every day can be especially tough, because we don't have the continual reminders of their absence. Even feeling "normal" for long stretches doesn't make you a bad or uncaring person.

    Sorry to hear about you losing your best friend... that's a heavy load to bear.

  5. #5
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    E.T.
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Posts
    3,116

    Default

    Sometimes it takes a while until the emotions come. Last time someone I loved died it took 3 days until I felt something and then it took a long time until this feeling of grief went away.

    R.I.P.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

    Blog. Read it, bitches.
    Questions? Click here
    If you don't agree about my MBTI type, you can complain about it here. I've had plenty of people telling me I'm something else, in my reputation box. That's annoying.

  6. #6
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    1,527

    Default

    I'm sorry Lohengrin.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  7. #7
    /X\(:: :: )/X\ BlueSprout's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    pfni
    Enneagram
    4
    Posts
    571

    Default

    I'm so sorry for your loss, Lohengrin. And I can only echo what Seymour, Ivy and Saint Kat said about how 'normal' your immediate reaction is and how your feelings are likely to change over time. You might not know what to feel or do right now, but that's perfectly okay. It's best not to focus on 'shoulds' when it comes to grief.
    Type: INFP Enneagram: 4
    Fi>Si>Ne>Te>Fe>Se>Ti>Ni

    °cataplum!

  8. #8
    Charting a course
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,638

    Default

    I would think the only abnormal reaction, would be to be happy that you'll never see him again.



  9. #9
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    979

    Default

    Yes, it's normal. It's called shock.

    A friend of mine, who lost someone dear in college, said she had an overwhelming urge to have sex after she got the news. She interpreted this as a life-affirming impulse; she also probably wanted to feel something other than pain.

    I'm sorry for your loss.
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  10. #10
    Dali
    Guest

    Default

    Thank you all for your kind words.

    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    Perfectly normal for grief to come in waves... don't feel bad because you aren't feeling the "right" way. Give yourself permission to be shocked or angry or numb or whatever.

    Grieving for people we don't see every day can be especially tough, because we don't have the continual reminders of their absence. Even feeling "normal" for long stretches doesn't make you a bad or uncaring person.

    Sorry to hear about you losing your best friend... that's a heavy load to bear.
    I feel 'normal' if anything. I'm not one to want to do things the 'proper way' but Paul was like a brother to me, even closer, and I feel extremely guilty about being this unaffected. Last night, before I went to bed, I had an overwhelming desire to text him and commend him on this perfectly executed prank. It took all my self control not to do so as I didn't want to further upset his mother (she has his phone). I suppose this means I'm in denial? Qui vivra verra.

Similar Threads

  1. My husband just recently passed away...
    By Hetha in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 09-12-2013, 10:15 PM
  2. Paris Hilton's New Best Friend
    By Mole in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 64
    Last Post: 05-02-2008, 06:58 AM
  3. Robert Jordan passes away
    By ptgatsby in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 10-30-2007, 02:19 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO