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  1. #51
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    ^Succinct, profound, correct. As usual.
    He's like Victor + logic. It's great.

  2. #52
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Biaxident View Post
    Heh. When my father died, I was seven. The family took me to the funeral, forced me to touch him, I didn't know what to think. The next day they acted as if it never happened. And it was never spoken of again.

    I asked questions for many years, the only family member I ever got straight answers from was my mother. And then, only after I was an adult, and hadn't spoken to her for years.

    Not all that healthy.
    Yeah. I struggle to comprehend 'adults' sometimes.
    .
    Last edited by Salomé; 02-04-2010 at 11:52 AM. Reason: tmi
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  3. #53
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    That's horrible.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  4. #54
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Perhaps the thread should be retitled "how NOT to deal with death"?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  5. #55
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Maybe so! I can't believe anyone could think that was a sane way to handle something like that. Sometimes I forget that my childhood experience of being surrounded by only mildly crazy people, none of whom were cruel or completely clueless, is not extremely common.

    And I'm very sorry for the loss of your sister. I know it was a long time ago but I can't imagine losing either of mine. I don't think I would ever get over it.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  6. #56
    morose bourgeoisie
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    In my opinion, you have to talk and cry about it a lot. Don't put it aside from shock. Get it out, as much as you possibly can. Talk and cry. I lost my father and my sister, and I'm telling you, you need to feel the pain and loss, as hard as that is. If you wait, push it down, it will fester and become a problem in ways that you probably won't be able to anticipate. If your family isn't close, you still have to talk to someone. there will always be sorrow, of course, but by pushing it away you only prolong the inevitable.

  7. #57
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Maybe so! I can't believe anyone could think that was a sane way to handle something like that. Sometimes I forget that my childhood experience of being surrounded by only mildly crazy people, none of whom were cruel or completely clueless, is not extremely common.

    And I'm very sorry for the loss of your sister. I know it was a long time ago but I can't imagine losing either of mine. I don't think I would ever get over it.
    It's too much to expect sanity from anyone who has lost their child. The world isn't supposed to turn upside down. People do the best they know how to do. Can't imagine how mortifying it was for them to hear that though. A precocious display of a lifelong habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  8. #58
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    It's too much to expect sanity from anyone who has lost their child. The world isn't supposed to turn upside down. People do the best they know how to do. Can't imagine how mortifying it was for them to hear that though. A precocious display of a lifelong habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
    You're right, of course- I would have to struggle to keep my remaining child bathed and fed if I lost one of mine. But were there no other adults who could step in and help you deal with things, that were a little more removed than your parents? I really hope someone, a family friend or relative who wasn't as directly impacted, would do that for my children in such a case.

    I don't mean to pry or bring up painful things, so I'll stop asking you questions about this.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  9. #59
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    ^I have a very poor memory of events.


    There are services attached to schools which offer bereavement counseling aimed at kids now, as I understand, which has to be a good thing.
    Last edited by Salomé; 02-05-2010 at 11:05 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  10. #60
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    This is good. I'm a big fan of it takes a village.

    This is not meant to minimize or take the focus away from human death- but I'm even somewhat worried about how to handle my own and the kids' grief when our dog passes. In a way I believe pet death can be a good way to "rehearse" for other, larger losses. But it's still going to be rough for us all. He's about 10 and has always had more energy than he knew what to do with. Now those moments of energy come further and further apart, and he rests more in between, and he has a hard time getting up sometimes... I'm not writing his death note or anything but sometime in the next few years it's bound to happen. It's harder for me to enjoy having him around now when I'm thinking about how to help midwife the children through their grief while I'm dealing with my own, and it brings up thoughts of the important people in our lives and what we would do/think/feel if they died.

    Somebody I used to know called this "pre-wadding," getting your panties in a wad before there's anything to wad about. I find it to be a common NP tendency (if I am one- or even if I'm not, I've seen other NPs do it a lot).
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

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